To older mumsnetters what lessons have you learned in life ?

[LovelyYellowLabrador]

I’m
Thinking do you wish you worked harder ?
Less hard ?
Worried less ? Worried more ?
What where your wrong moves and right moves ?
What do you wish you knew when you were younger ?

Work less. My generation were obsessed with work. I've worked long, long hours and I look around and see people who work much less get promotions.

Do not waste time on men. If it is going to work it will work.

Put yourself first. Work at your self esteem.

Worry less. It really does not change things.

Nip crap behaviour in the bud. If something doesn't feel right it isnt. Do not bend to someone's will

I'd add:
Get life insurance for you and your partner. When you're young you think you're both invincible, you're not.
Look after your teeth!
These are my biggest regrets.
Positive things I've learned:
Love endures after loss.
Find a purpose through work, volunteering or caring for loved ones
Pay the mortgage off more quickly so that you can have more freedom and control over your time.

#Bekind is a slogan and like most slogans it's oversimplified.

My longer version would be:

Don't be gratuitously nasty. Treat others as you would like to be treated yourself. Also, remember Michelle Obama - When they go low, we go high. Not always easy to do, but better in the long run.

BUT

Along the way, you don't have to let everybody else walk all over you. Work on your self-esteem. You are as good as anyone else, and you deserve to be treated with respect.

What a wonderful thread! Thank you for all the pearls of wisdom.

Don't put off counselling if you need it. Wish I had it earlier for childhood trauma. Massively helped me, but late in life.

Prioritise family over friends. Blood is thicker than water.

You will have regrets so think before you leap.

Look for kindness in others, above all else.

Travel, young.

... and always wear sunscreen... ☀️

Try to avoid debt. Buy a house if at all possible.

I thought of something - if at any time you find yourself free of responsibility and have family or contacts abroad, go and live abroad for a while.

It's one of my very few regrets that I didn't do this when I could have. I wasn't brave enough and I really should have been.

Don't apologise for yourself.
Remove the word "just" from your vocabulary.
Get comfortable with saying no

Listen more than speak. Observe the people around you. They will show you who they are.

Create your boundaries and stick to them.

Make sure that the people you care about know it.

Always be your true self, do not bend to what others want you to be.
Believe in yourself.
Sometimes take the more unusual path.
Do not stay in a job, relationship or place that makes you unhappy.
The older you get the faster the years go so cherish the good moments.
Sometimes life is hard, sad, it can and will pass.
Cake, chocolate, wine, a good book helps a lot!

@Dillydollydingdong

Think very, VERY carefully about who you choose as your life partner. Will he be a good dad? Are his genes good enough to be passed on? Get the best education you can. You don't want to be stuck in some dead end, low paying job with no way out.

This, a million per cent.

However many questions you ask your Mum and Dad about their lives and everyone else in the family, ask MORE!

It's no good for a government to wait for "the people" to be ready to take on some change before they make a law. I used to think that when I was young. Now I realize that a government makes a law and people conform to it afterwards, albeit protesting bitterly in some cases.

I am 69. I will be old in six months.

• Stay out of debt. The worry will suck the joy out of like.
• Pay for the best possible medical care and education. If you raise your children to be healthy and smart then they are ahead in life at the start.
• Collect experiences, not objects. Go places and see things. Do things. You will always have the memories when you are no longer able to travel.

Collect experiences, not objects. Go places and see things. Do things. You will always have the memories when you are no longer able to travel

So agree with this.

To tell people to fuck off more

The most important decision you ever make in your life is who you choose as the father of your children.

Be brave and follow your gut - What's the worst that can happen?

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

Don't sweat the small stuff, try to be grateful every day because life is short.

I would say im a very laidback person and these are the main mantras that I try to pass on to my children.

Put yourself first. No other fucker will.
Get rid of people in your life who are negative or add nothing of value.
Save nothing for best.

Realise that when you marry you ARE marrying the in-laws too in a way. They will be at most important events in your life. If they are toxic - run.

Don’t get into debt, save for what you want. If you can’t save for it, you never could afford it.

Travel the world when you are young.

Take random exciting opportunities when you are young and don’t overthink.

Don’t settle down too young, have some adventures first.

Make sure you make plans for your pension.

Don’t give people too many chances if they hurt you. Accept that is who they are and walk away.

Exercise is vital. Don't be in a position where you "don't have time" for exercise - it's as basic and essential as washing yourself and brushing your teeth. And the older you get, the more your happiness relies upon how you feel, physically - this is a bit of a strange one, but I promise you it's true. You can think you're depressed, but actually, it's just that you haven't had enough exercise, or you haven't had enough sleep, or your diet is poor. Don't get fat - you'll feel rubbish, and carrying extra weight around is tiring.

There’ll come a time when you regret not asking your parents/ grandparents about their lives before you knew them so talk to them while you still have chance

• this is very true!

Enjoy the moment. It may never happen again. Things are constantly changing.
Realise we are all part of the universe and inter reliant on one another.
Choose what you consume, read and watch carefully.
It's really not about you and never has been.
Just enjoy it while you're here and do what you can to share your gifts with others.
Have a good laugh whenever you can.
The world is very beautiful and we dont deserve it.

Things I wish I had done:-
Enjoyed my children more and stopped worrying about the housework. Also hugged them more.
Had money of my own and not had to rely on a controlling husband.
Stopped worrying, most things work out.
Had more confidence. It doesn't matter what others think, it's what you think that counts.
Realised how quickly time will go. You feel like you have forever and suddenly it's almost over.

Accept who you are and how you need your own personal world to be shaped.

Do NOT fake it 'til you make it. Just be you. You're enough.

Live in truth- and yes, that means YOUR truth, not the truth others are telling you is 'yours'.

Don't gossip. Don't hang out with gossips. You'll be much happier for it.

Read the room.

Think critically, above all.

You don't have to do it all with grace, dignity, and a stiff upper lip. Go ahead, throw a good wobbly, with purpose and good reason, and then, move on.

There are no mistakes. Every day really is a school day.

Be nice to your body. You've only got the one.

Box breathe like a Navy SEAL.