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Original poster

If you have a husband, children and house, would you feel sorry for me?

227 replies

Jennifer2r · 07/03/2022 15:00

I'm early 40s and I live on my own in a flat which I really love. I don't have a partner or children but I have friends, my mum and a good social life.

I would like a relationship but am quite picky, and I don't want any children so I'm not in a hurry.

I was recently talking to a colleague at lunch and she did a head tilt and said "oh that must be so difficult, on your own", and I've had other comments about how dating must be awful at my age (I don't find it that bad) and "if my husband died I wouldn't bother with dating". Also comments through the pandemic about people living in flats on their own.

I am happy with my life but wonder whether from the outside I must just seem a bit tragic and pity worthy? Is this going to get worse as I get older?

OP posts:
Rinatinabina · 07/03/2022 15:01

Er no, happily married with 1 DC but I would be a bit jealous of you!

MinkyWinky · 07/03/2022 15:03

No! I used to be you Grin

carmenitapink · 07/03/2022 15:03

No not remotely. Sounds like you're doing just fine and have a lovely life.

Would only feel sorry for you if you desperately wanted kids but couldn't have them due to circumstances beyond your control

Rewritethestars1 · 07/03/2022 15:03

No i wouldn't and I think the comments you have had in your op are odd. Ignore them.

Nemorth · 07/03/2022 15:04

No absolutely not. It wouldn't even enter my head to think that.

Do people do that?

I mean, if I knew you well and I knew YOU wanted those things (house/spouse/children) I might feel sympathy for you but without that close friendship and knowledge I wouldn't even think about it.

PiesNotGuys · 07/03/2022 15:05

Not in the least. I would very much enjoy the life you describe and often daydream about it. I chose a different path and I dont regret that but I would definitely not pity you, more aspire to be like you when I grow up ;)

BiscuitLover3678 · 07/03/2022 15:05

Goodness me, people are a bit miserable!

You’ve said you’re happy so I’d be happy for you.

doodleygirl · 07/03/2022 15:06

No, absolutely not. I bloody hate the notion we all have to be coupled up to be happy. To be fair the most miserable people I know are the married ones! Disclaimer: I am married but was very happily single for many years.

Soul11Soul · 07/03/2022 15:06

Nope. Not at all. During lock down we were all told how awful it was for people living alone so I can understand people being concerned about that. But in general no. I have lots of friends in their 40s who are single. There are aspects of their lives I'm slightly envious of and vice versa. But I don't feel sorry for them. Do you feel sorry for your married with children friends who get no sleep and are always skint 😁

MrsGHarrison87 · 07/03/2022 15:07

No not at all. I'm happy to be married with kids and that's what makes me feel complete. I wouldn't want to be in your position, but that's just my opinion on me, not on you. I understand people are different and we don't all want the same things in life. People are just projecting their own emotions as themselves and not really understanding that you're happy as you are.

ChocolateRiver · 07/03/2022 15:07

If you’re happy with your life I wouldn’t feel sorry for you.

MintJulia · 07/03/2022 15:08

No, I was single and had a lovely life at that age too. I didn't find it remotely difficult.

Now, 15 years later I have a ds and we have a nice life/home. Still single but I'm picky too. There's nothing wrong with that at all. Smile

ImAvingOops · 07/03/2022 15:09

I wouldn't feel sorry for you. I think that living alone and having no one else's mess to deal with has a lot to recommend it. That said, if you want a relationship I'd feel a bit sorry for you that you haven't yet found the right one. But it's much better to be single than to be in a bad relationship, so taking your time to meet someone who is right is also a good thing. You don't want kids, which would have been the thing to give me pause, so you don't have a time pressure as such. If you have friends whose lives are similar, that takes care of potential loneliness, socially.
I guess I'd worry about what happens later in life if you don't meet someone and friends aren't around, but I don't think you can worry too much about the future because it's all uncertain.

Coughee · 07/03/2022 15:09

Yeah, but jealous here if I’m honest! But no, nothing pitiful at all in your situation. I’ve been known to say I wouldn’t marry again if I divorced precisely because I envy the freedom single people have. It’s not because I think there’s nobody worth dating after a certain age. The thought of being able to live exactly how I wanted is more tempting to me than the thought of being able to date again iyswim

Purplecatshopaholic · 07/03/2022 15:11

Some people are weird, lol. Your life sounds great - it’s more likely people are jealous of your freedom

findingsomeone · 07/03/2022 15:11

As long as you seem happy and aren't sharing that you are very sad about not having those things, then no. Life is what you make it, it doesn't matter what is in your lot as long as you are happy with it.

TulipsGarden · 07/03/2022 15:12

Goodness no, I could be very happy with your life and sometimes fantastise about it, despite being happily with my partner for a long time and with a child. Nothing to pity, your time is your own and you have ultimate freedom. Bliss!

bowlingalleyblues · 07/03/2022 15:13

No. I love my partner, kids and house and seeing people who don’t have that makes me grateful to have them, but I wouldn’t say I feel sorry for you because I remember how wonderful it was to have things as I liked them at home, to have a small tidy space and spend zero time on upkeep and have the energy for friends and voluntary work that has fallen by the wayside now. Being content with what you have, as you are, is a blessing.

Duracellbunnywannabe · 07/03/2022 15:15

Nah, I may be a bit jealous of you at times.

Kenwouldmixitup · 07/03/2022 15:15

Absolutely, categorically and definitely not.

Would feel sorry that your lunch companion believes and is constrained by the need for a relationship and children.

MissyB1 · 07/03/2022 15:16

God no! I would view you as a strong independent woman -the kind of woman I aspire to be Grin

pinkpolkas · 07/03/2022 15:18

I would have probably felt a bit sorry for you at the height of the pandemic but only because if it was me I know I would not have coped well with the isolation but in general no because when I was in your position I loved my life. I'd only feel for you if you expressed unhappiness about your situation but I'd be the same no matter what your situation of you didn't like it I.e useless husband

newyearnewwname2022 · 07/03/2022 15:23

I would never usually feel any sort of sorry for you, but during the pandemic I’ve felt that it must have been hard for people on their own and/or in flats. I know I’d have found the lack of outside space pretty unbearable during the worst parts of lockdown. I also know my mum (on her own) found going for so long without any physical touch or company really hard, so I have felt sorry for those who live alone and haven’t had hugs etc. (if that’s what they want.) I don’t think it would even cross my mind to feel sorry for you in the course of normal life though.

pussycatunpickingcrossesagain · 07/03/2022 15:24

No.
I've a DH, a house and 2 😻😻. No kids never wanted kids
I don't pity you.
I can't have a pee without a cat appearing and begging for a sodding dreamie!🤦‍♀️ so I might occasionally when clearing up cat barf from the one with the sensitive system envy you a teenie tiny bit.

Ellopet · 07/03/2022 15:25

No pity, slight envy coming from a much busier and hectic household!