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Original poster

If you have a husband, children and house, would you feel sorry for me?

227 replies

Jennifer2r · 07/03/2022 15:00

I'm early 40s and I live on my own in a flat which I really love. I don't have a partner or children but I have friends, my mum and a good social life.

I would like a relationship but am quite picky, and I don't want any children so I'm not in a hurry.

I was recently talking to a colleague at lunch and she did a head tilt and said "oh that must be so difficult, on your own", and I've had other comments about how dating must be awful at my age (I don't find it that bad) and "if my husband died I wouldn't bother with dating". Also comments through the pandemic about people living in flats on their own.

I am happy with my life but wonder whether from the outside I must just seem a bit tragic and pity worthy? Is this going to get worse as I get older?

OP posts:
BuddhaForMary · 07/03/2022 18:30

@Ganesh2022

The things people think they can comment on never fails to amaze me...too many kids, not enough kids, single, married, too young for this, too old for that...my god. As others have said I'd only feel sad for/with you if you really wanted these things and they weren't happening.
Spot on
autienotnaughty · 07/03/2022 18:30

Definitely not, there are plenty of unhappy Married people. Why do people assume a partner and children are the only route to happiness.

Clymene · 07/03/2022 18:33

I'm also single (though have children). I'm amazed at how many friends in long term relationships feel a bit sorry for me. I'm perfectly happy but some of them don't seem to believe me

TheYearOfSmallThings · 07/03/2022 18:36

Not at all.

However when I was young (teens or twenties) I would have been sorry for a single woman in her 40s. But now I am a single woman in my 40s (although a single mother so somewhat different) I am as happy as Larry, so I don't see it as anything pitiable.

VitalsStable · 07/03/2022 18:38

3 kids and a husband and to be honest I'm a little jealous of you right now.

HoneyItIsntGoodLuck · 07/03/2022 18:40

No, not at all. I do have some colleagues in that scenario, and don’t feel sorry for them - why would I? They’re in a well-paid job, have friends, go on great holidays. Nice.

The one thing I would admit to, is if anything happened to DH, I can’t imagine wanting to date. I would have zero interest in bringing a man into my and my children’s lives.

TheWeeDonkey · 07/03/2022 18:43

@Ganesh2022

The things people think they can comment on never fails to amaze me...too many kids, not enough kids, single, married, too young for this, too old for that...my god. As others have said I'd only feel sad for/with you if you really wanted these things and they weren't happening.
Hear hear
Tdcp · 07/03/2022 18:45

Honestly I'm a bit jealous of you 😂

suckingonchillidogs · 07/03/2022 18:45

No, I don't feel sorry for you at all. I do feel sorry for people with such limited imaginations that they can't possibly conceive that not everyone wants to live exactly the same way as they do however.

It must be so freeing to go where you want, when you want without having to check with anyone else first.

Pegasussnail · 07/03/2022 18:48

Honestly people don't know when to keep their nose out. You have a perfectly lovely life and I am sure very happy. I married at 32 and honestly at work was made to like a loser by one colleague who used to make me feel ancient and on the shelf. I since found out she's very unhappily married. Has been for years.

Your own life is your own

Smartiepants79 · 07/03/2022 18:52

Not if you are content. I only feel sorry for people if their life hasn’t turned out the way they hoped.
If you are happy, why would I feel sorry for you?

OldWivesTale · 07/03/2022 18:54

No, I'm genuinely bloody envious of you.

OldWivesTale · 07/03/2022 18:56

I actually fantasise about moving into a flat on my own.

Tiddlesthecat · 07/03/2022 18:57

I might feel a little sorry for you depending upon how you couched things, esp re dating. I think that so many people have had negative experiences that they are projecting onto your situation. Also, for me I would absolutely hate to be on my own, so again I am projecting. I'm clearly not as strong or independent as you. I have several friends in their forties who are single and live alone and they lead fantastic lives. I never feel sorry for them because I can see how happy, strong and independent they are. They lead very fulfilling exciting and busy lives. If you are happy, then that's all that matters.

Comedycook · 07/03/2022 19:00

I'd be a bit jealous...I'm run ragged with my DH, DC and the housework!!

D0lphine · 07/03/2022 19:00

I think for some women their aspirations in life are husband and kids. Which is absolutely fine. But then there are a subset of those women who can't understand that other women have other goals. And then the fake concerned head tilt comes out.

MackenCheese · 07/03/2022 19:01

I suspect people are jealous of YOU, so that is why they ask this question to hear something negative that will make them feel better....

maddiemookins16mum · 07/03/2022 19:05

I wouldn’t be sorry for you. However, I was you at one point and there were a lot of times I felt lonely.

Foxglovers · 07/03/2022 19:09

I wouldn’t be like that at all! I used to be you and get that sometimes and found it quite annoying at times! Fortunately most people I’m friends with aren’t like that - but occasionally the odd thing from colleagues or something. Some people really can’t function out of a relationship and I feel sorry for them!

AgathaAllAlong · 07/03/2022 19:10

No, I only feel sorry for people who are unhappy with their lives.

Sugarplumfairy22 · 07/03/2022 19:12

No I wouldn’t feel sorry for you if you were happy.
If I knew at 40 I’d be childless and not married I’d feel sorry for me but that is because that was all that I ever wanted.

Musmerian · 07/03/2022 19:15

Absolutely not. If you are happy I can see lots of advantages in your set up. People are very narrow minded.

BobHadBitchTits · 07/03/2022 19:17

I'm honestly a bit jealous.

Twocrabs30 · 07/03/2022 19:25

Houses often involve lots of maintenance and work. Most relationships and marriages I know are unhappy. You don’t wish to have children, and have the freedom to be picky with your dating. My guess is that living in an apartment probably frees up more time for you to invest in more social. leisure or cultural activities. I don’t think there is anything about your situation to pity.

PatientlyWaiting21 · 07/03/2022 19:27

No I wouldn’t feel sorry for you, and I’d never be patronising.

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