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Original poster

Friend telling me to not to join night out because I'm a close contact

376 replies

feelingannoyed1 · 26/02/2022 14:01

Had a night out planned with friends tonight, one I've been really looking forward to for ages as, for one reason or another, we haven't met up since summer last year. Was looking forward to getting dressed up and having a few drinks, this isn't something I get to do very often as I have young kids. For context, the other members of the group don't have kids and get out much more than me.

But of course we now have a positive Covid case in our household. I'm negative and have no symptoms, but thought it was just courtesy to let the group know. Was expecting them just to say oh that's fine, we're looking forward to seeing you, but the organiser wrote back saying what a shame, they'll all miss me and hopefully I can join another time!

I'm actually really upset. There's no reason I can't go, and we have to start living our lives again. The impact on everyone's mental health is too great, and that includes me missing out on some much needed social interaction (and yes I know there are much worse things going on in the world right now).

I spoke to one of the other girls in the group, she was happy for me to come, but didn't really want to get caught up in a bit of an argument, and either do I. I just think if the organiser isn't comfortable sitting on a table with a close contact who is negative (despite herself working quite closely with COVID positive patients!) then it should be her that should stay at home, not me!

Just need a rant, this has actually really upset me ☹️

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 26/02/2022 14:03

Have you replied and said something like- it’s ok, I’m negative so still coming?

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 26/02/2022 14:04

Are you in England, where the restrictions have been lifted, or elsewhere in the UK where they largely remain? That would make a difference to my opinion...

Changemaname1 · 26/02/2022 14:05

Are you sure this isn’t a case of crossed wires like she thought you were saying you wouldn’t be coming ?

nitsandwormsdodger · 26/02/2022 14:06

Not sure why you told everyone unless it was to give people option of not mixing with you ...You would be expected to go to work even if positive ...
Up to you , I would take ( and post ) negative test just before you leave but keep away from person who didn’t want you there ( she may be pregnant ? )
...

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 26/02/2022 14:08

@nitsandwormsdodger
.You would be expected to go to work even if positive ...

In most places she wouldn’t!

Op I would reply saying you’ll do a LFT before hand and will come!

Original poster
feelingannoyed1 · 26/02/2022 14:08

I'm in part of the UK where positive cases still have to isolate, but I don't as a close contact who is negative.

Definitely not a case of crossed wires. In hindsight I wish I had worded by original message to say 'but thankfully I'm negative so I'm good to go!' then if anyone wasn't comfortable with being there they could have made their own decision.

OP posts:
Januarypip · 26/02/2022 14:09

Why did you tell everyone? Surely to give people the opportunity to say they feel uncomfortable. If they do they could stay home but as it's you with household covid it really should be you staying home?

RandomQuest · 26/02/2022 14:09

I’m not even sure why you told them tbh, there was really no point. But I’d presume crossed wires so I’d reply and say you’re still coming as testing negative and looking toward to seeing everyone later.

HotWaterAndLemon · 26/02/2022 14:13

This is really quite tricky because by giving them the heads up, you were also giving them the opportunity to object. As you say, the chances are we are all being exposed to covid every time we leave the house. No doubt there will be covid positive people out tonight who just don’t test regularly or have no symptoms.

Is there a way you could message the organiser privately and say you’d still like to come as you are negative and testing regularly?

Original poster
feelingannoyed1 · 26/02/2022 14:14

I told them because I just feel it's only courtesy. Everyone has their own situations and if they don't want to take the risk then that should be their decision. Although surely everyone is unknowingly coming into contact with close contacts who are negative all the time now as there is so much of it about!

Just feeling pretty crap that it's me who's affected when I really needed this night out to be honest. Organiser is out socialising loads!!

OP posts:
Moonbabysmum · 26/02/2022 14:17

I'm sorry, but i wouldn't want to socialise with someone who had a household Covid case, and I don't think I'm unusual in that regard.

Thank you for being honest about your situation. I know there's no legal requirement but it's obvious that a lot of Boris's decisions in the last few months have been about saving his skin with his party rather than public health. Do you think Chris Whitty would go out for the evening if he had a positive household case? He's my barometer more than Bojo.

User0610134049 · 26/02/2022 14:18

My experience in my groups of friends/activities at the moment is that people would not want to mix with me if I had a positive case in my household. Because there’s a reasonable chance you’ll catch it even 5, 10 days on.

I think you shouldn’t have told them, if you wanted to still go

Or you should stay away out of consideration for them

How would you feel having to message and tell them you’ve tested positive?

KoalafiedAwesome · 26/02/2022 14:18

You told them out of courtesy expecting them to change their plans if they were uncomfortable with it? Perhaps a few of them were and that is what led to the reply?

WhoAre · 26/02/2022 14:22

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Keepingthingsinteresting · 26/02/2022 14:22

Sorry OP, but you feel it was courtesy to tell them but not to avoid going and exposing them when you will almost certainly be incubating as a close contact? That makes no sense- you just wanted them to tell you it was ok, but I wouldn’t have done. It might not be a legal requirement to isolate, but if you care about your friends you wouldn’t take the risk of passing it on to them. Yes, it’s a bit shit you’ll miss the night out, but I don’t think you’re wanting to go trumps everyone else being unhappy with being exposed.

Have a drink at home and look forward to the next time.

LemonViolets · 26/02/2022 14:22

I wouldn’t want to go on a night out with someone who lives with a positive person, chances are you will catch it if you haven’t already, it may just be too early to get a positive lateral flow test.

The fact that you think it’s ok to potentially expose your friends for the sake of a night out is selfish.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 26/02/2022 14:22

Wouldn’t bother me. I spent an evening with a friend the other week, whose DH and DS were positive 🤷🏼‍♀️

Put another message on there saying you’ve tested negative and you’re going. Up to them if they don’t want to.

Original poster
feelingannoyed1 · 26/02/2022 14:23

Fair enough, a bit of a mix of responses.

I was in a similar situation just before Christmas. We had a positive household case and I was due to go on a Christmas night out with friends. I made the decision myself to pull out cause I was too worried about potentially passing it on to people and then they would have to isolate over Christmas, even though I was negative. None of the rest of our household caught it that time. Those friends were all trying to get me to come, telling me that I was allowed to and I could just test before coming, but I didn't want to take the risk.

Oh well, looks like it's another night at home for me!

OP posts:
woody87 · 26/02/2022 14:23

Suppose thats what you get for telling them. Next time keep your mouth shut and no one needs to be any wiser!

NewMum0305 · 26/02/2022 14:24

In the nicest way possible, you told people because you suspected that a few of them might not want to socialise with you due to the risk, but wanted them to miss out on the night our rather than you, even though you’re the one affected?

LemonViolets · 26/02/2022 14:24

Sorry if that was a bit harsh.

Why doing you rearrange to do something with the other friends for next weekend?

PerditaPerdita · 26/02/2022 14:25

I wouldn't want to risk infecting my friends. Lots of people are negative but then positive after a day or so.

girlmom21 · 26/02/2022 14:26

I think it'd be selfish of you to go and I'd be annoyed if me friend did, regardless of what the 'rules' say

MsHampton · 26/02/2022 14:28

@Januarypip

Why did you tell everyone? Surely to give people the opportunity to say they feel uncomfortable. If they do they could stay home but as it's you with household covid it really should be you staying home?
This! I get you're disappointed but I would ask you to stay home too.

I'm out living my life, socialising but wouldn't choose to spend time with a close contact.

Original poster
feelingannoyed1 · 26/02/2022 14:29

I think if I was out with friends once a month or even every couple of months, I wouldn't be so upset. But due to one reason or another, some of which have been Covid related, I haven't been out on a night out with friends for about 7 months, and the lack of social interaction is really affecting me, I guess that's clouding my judgement a bit too.

OP posts: