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Original poster

Friend telling me to not to join night out because I'm a close contact

376 replies

feelingannoyed1 · 26/02/2022 14:01

Had a night out planned with friends tonight, one I've been really looking forward to for ages as, for one reason or another, we haven't met up since summer last year. Was looking forward to getting dressed up and having a few drinks, this isn't something I get to do very often as I have young kids. For context, the other members of the group don't have kids and get out much more than me.

But of course we now have a positive Covid case in our household. I'm negative and have no symptoms, but thought it was just courtesy to let the group know. Was expecting them just to say oh that's fine, we're looking forward to seeing you, but the organiser wrote back saying what a shame, they'll all miss me and hopefully I can join another time!

I'm actually really upset. There's no reason I can't go, and we have to start living our lives again. The impact on everyone's mental health is too great, and that includes me missing out on some much needed social interaction (and yes I know there are much worse things going on in the world right now).

I spoke to one of the other girls in the group, she was happy for me to come, but didn't really want to get caught up in a bit of an argument, and either do I. I just think if the organiser isn't comfortable sitting on a table with a close contact who is negative (despite herself working quite closely with COVID positive patients!) then it should be her that should stay at home, not me!

Just need a rant, this has actually really upset me ☹️

OP posts:

Original poster

feelingannoyed1 · 26/02/2022 14:30

I'm just interested to know, do you think all your friends would have told you they were a close contact in the same situation? Or would they just have gone on the night out and not mentioned it?

OP posts:

Figgygal · 26/02/2022 14:30

Its not personal
Id not take the risk of socialising knowing there was covid in the house and i wouldnt feel comfortable if someone in the group came in those circumstances either

Thats where we are expected to take personal responsibility isnt it? I dont think it ends at a current negative test

MsHampton · 26/02/2022 14:32

@WhoAre

Why did you tell them? If you have anxious friends ofcourse they're not going to want you there even if they're surrounded by potentially 100's of strangers. You will be a known risk to them.

You've been a bit silly putting your anxiety onto others, now you're paying the price.

People not wanting to catch covid is not anxious behaviour, it's common sense.

I know lots of people with it at the moment, some are fine but some are feeling dreadful.

I wouldn't meet up with a friend with flu either and I don't think many people would.

PyongyangKipperbang · 26/02/2022 14:32

What about messaging again with "Done another LFT, still negative so the government are still allowing me out!" or something along those lines.

She made an assumption that you wouldnt go, you can make an assumption that as you are negative, no one will mind......

Original poster

feelingannoyed1 · 26/02/2022 14:33

@MsHampton but would you be happy to meet up with a friend who didn't have flu but someone in their household did?

OP posts:

MsHampton · 26/02/2022 14:34

@feelingannoyed1

I'm just interested to know, do you think all your friends would have told you they were a close contact in the same situation? Or would they just have gone on the night out and not mentioned it?

I know my mates would tell me and I would tell them.

SnotMikeUpPuffedHe · 26/02/2022 14:35

@feelingannoyed1

I'm just interested to know, do you think all your friends would have told you they were a close contact in the same situation? Or would they just have gone on the night out and not mentioned it?

I hope they'd tell me but as you did - so I can then make my own decision about whether to go.

At the moment we're 10 days out from DD going into hospital for an urgent procedure that's already been cancelled twice. To be honest, this close to going in I wouldn't be going for a night out anyway but if it had been, say, a week ago I'd want to know so I could decide whether to go or not. But I wouldn't expect them to miss it, it would be down to me.

girlmom21 · 26/02/2022 14:36

@feelingannoyed1

I'm just interested to know, do you think all your friends would have told you they were a close contact in the same situation? Or would they just have gone on the night out and not mentioned it?

My friends would tell me and I would tell them.

And no I wouldn't want to interact with friend whose child had flu or norovirus or chicken pox

Peppermint81 · 26/02/2022 14:36

I think it's good your being respectful and considerate to your friends, not putting them and others at risk.
Why not arrange a night out with your friends when you no longer pose a risk? If you arrange it maybe you will not wait so long for next night.

Lou98 · 26/02/2022 14:37

Could you reschedule for next weekend?

I get still wanting to go but I think there is a difference between being a close contact to someone you've perhaps been on a night out with or someone you work with and someone that you live with.

If it was someone that you worked with say then while they're isolating you wouldn't be seeing them and so I wouldn't mind still going out but when you live with someone it's a lot harder to avoid them.

I personally wouldn't knowingly go on a night out with someone that lives with someone that's positive. I'm pregnant and also have a baby at home that I wouldn't want to pass it on to. In these circumstances, I wouldn't go rather than say I don't want you to go as it's my choice to protect myself and my family but if a lot of the people going weren't comfortable with it then I can see why it made more sense for you not to go rather than everyone else dropping out as it then still wouldn't have been much of a night out for you.
Even though you're negative now doesn't mean you won't get it - I had covid in December and my Partner was negative and felt fine until the day before my isolation was up when he tested positive. We're both vaccinated.

I have no doubt there's a lot of people that wouldn't tell others, I would be pretty pissed off if I'd found out after that they never mentioned it. As I say though, if a friend told me then I would pull out of night out myself rather than expect it means they would

amicissimma · 26/02/2022 14:38

If someone was letting the group know I would assume it was because they were doing us the courtesy of giving us the opportunity to ask them not to come.

If they knew they could be incubating and planned to come anyway I would assume they wouldn't mention it.

MsHampton · 26/02/2022 14:40

[quote feelingannoyed1]@MsHampton but would you be happy to meet up with a friend who didn't have flu but someone in their household did? [/quote]
I'd probably give it a miss or meet outside tbh. Not in any way anxious but don't want to catch it and have done pretty well by being sensible.

It's not really a comparison I should have made tbh because this isn't flu, it doesn't behave like flu for lots of people.
It appears to be quite random in who gets really poorly and who has a bit of a cold.

I really care about my friends so why on earth would I want to potentially expose them to something that could make them feel really poorly, could cost them time off work/money? I don't get it.

Missing out on your night is really disappointing but they shouldn't alter your judgment and you should respect the wishes of your friends. Surely that's most important?

mudgetastic · 26/02/2022 14:40

Your friend works closely with covid positive patients - perhaps that affects her view as to what is sensible ?

SnowAndIcicles · 26/02/2022 14:42

You're potentially infectious for 48 hours before testing positive on LFT according to Test and Protect. That's why I wouldn't want to socialise with you right now if I were one of your friends.

tackling · 26/02/2022 14:46

So you really meant, "I might be infectious but want to go out, so please can stay at home if that would make you uncomfortable"?

OP, that's so incredibly unreasonable I don't know where to start.

PyongyangKipperbang · 26/02/2022 14:50

How long are people prepared to live like this though?

The restrictions have been lifted, the OP is not breaking any rules as long as she is still testing negative.

If people want to continue to keep away then that is up to them, its not up to the OP to hide away.

Haribosweets · 26/02/2022 14:50

I'm in your situation now OP and hardly ever go out and was due to be out tonight for the 1st time since May last year. However my son tested positive on Monday and I decided then I couldn't go - a) I didn't know how bad he would be & b) I wasn't sure if I would get it. The night out involved tickets so could sell. Fast forward to today and I've been positive since Weds and so unwell. I think by you telling them was giving them an option to say if they wanted you to go or not. If you really wanted to go then maybe you should have kept quiet but then risk passing it onto your friends / others. I'm sure you will get another night out although how depressing it is when you hardly go out x

Januarypip · 26/02/2022 14:51

I'm sorry you are missing out but to be harsh why should your friends miss out when it's you affected by covid? Sorry but that's the reality

Barleysugar85 · 26/02/2022 14:51

We just had the same situation with myself and my sister- both of us had partners at home with Covid but were testing negative ourselves - we had block booked some baby classes we weren't keen to waste as we'd also lose our money. But after much soul searching we stayed home because we felt we had to and were a bit mad about it.

BUT we ended up both having positive Covid days 1-2 days later so although we were negative then it turned out it was only a matter of time! In hindsight I think we were probably right to stay home as we had probably already started to catch it. You never know everyone else's situation and in this scenario and if you did catch it and give it to a friend who became badly ill you'd feel awful.

ittakes2 · 26/02/2022 14:53

You said she is the organiser - are you expecting the organiser to choose not to go because you have a covid positive case?

girlmom21 · 26/02/2022 14:54

@PyongyangKipperbang

How long are people prepared to live like this though?

The restrictions have been lifted, the OP is not breaking any rules as long as she is still testing negative.

If people want to continue to keep away then that is up to them, its not up to the OP to hide away.

For as long as we can easily find out if it's covid or not.

Vulnerable children are only just being offered the vaccine. For all OP knows, she could pass covid on to a friend whose child is at school with a vulnerable child who's not fully vaccinated yet. Why take that risk when we don't have to?

FantasticFebruary · 26/02/2022 14:54

ImVEV so I'm not 'going out' anyway, but if I was I'd be thankful of the warning & would choose not to go.

If I had covid in the house I wouldn't go. BOJO's arse saving early release, doesn't mean it's sensible to go out while being a close contact.

You didn't think it was sensible to go before Christmas, so why do you think it's ok now?

I'm sorry you're missing out, but I don't think people who have covid in the house should be out socialising!

Rewis · 26/02/2022 14:54

I'm just interested to know, do you think all your friends would have told you they were a close contact in the same situation? Or would they just have gone on the night out and not mentioned it?

Obviously I don't know. But would I do think my social circle would inform and cancel a meet up in this circumstance. Especially if they lived with the person who was covid positive.

Pipsquiggle · 26/02/2022 14:56

When my husband and son got omicron, I didn't socialise. In the end I didn't get it but I would have hated to have passed it on inadvertantly

kittensinthekitchen · 26/02/2022 15:00

@feelingannoyed1

Fair enough, a bit of a mix of responses.

I was in a similar situation just before Christmas. We had a positive household case and I was due to go on a Christmas night out with friends. I made the decision myself to pull out cause I was too worried about potentially passing it on to people and then they would have to isolate over Christmas, even though I was negative. None of the rest of our household caught it that time. Those friends were all trying to get me to come, telling me that I was allowed to and I could just test before coming, but I didn't want to take the risk.

Oh well, looks like it's another night at home for me!

So before Christmas, you were considerate of not wanting to pass any potential infection on, but now you're not really bothered?

What has changed for you?

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