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Original poster

Friend telling me to not to join night out because I'm a close contact

376 replies

feelingannoyed1 · 26/02/2022 14:01

Had a night out planned with friends tonight, one I've been really looking forward to for ages as, for one reason or another, we haven't met up since summer last year. Was looking forward to getting dressed up and having a few drinks, this isn't something I get to do very often as I have young kids. For context, the other members of the group don't have kids and get out much more than me.

But of course we now have a positive Covid case in our household. I'm negative and have no symptoms, but thought it was just courtesy to let the group know. Was expecting them just to say oh that's fine, we're looking forward to seeing you, but the organiser wrote back saying what a shame, they'll all miss me and hopefully I can join another time!

I'm actually really upset. There's no reason I can't go, and we have to start living our lives again. The impact on everyone's mental health is too great, and that includes me missing out on some much needed social interaction (and yes I know there are much worse things going on in the world right now).

I spoke to one of the other girls in the group, she was happy for me to come, but didn't really want to get caught up in a bit of an argument, and either do I. I just think if the organiser isn't comfortable sitting on a table with a close contact who is negative (despite herself working quite closely with COVID positive patients!) then it should be her that should stay at home, not me!

Just need a rant, this has actually really upset me ☹️

OP posts:
labyrinthlaziness · 26/02/2022 15:44

@RoaryMouth

People saying here that you can go to work if positive in England (I'm not in England). Really? The guidance is you don't have to self isolate but stay at home if possible and avoid other people. So taking the avoid other people part of the guidance, that would mean you don't go to work if you can't avoid others? Surely workplaces will have rules, similar to D&V etc.?
Precisely. My work has made it clear that anyone with cold/flu/covid symptoms should stay home, and anyone with a positive test result too.
Derbee · 26/02/2022 15:44

@EthelTheAardvark it’s neither dishonest nor selfish. It’s following the rules to a tee. A whole household no longer isolates when someone has a positive test. They do daily lateral flows to ensure they are negative, and they carry on as normal.

There is no way everyone who is nervous about mixing with potential contacts of positive cases knows who has come from a positive household - things are much more relaxed than that now. And if that makes people too nervous, because others don’t have to divulge that someone in their household is positive anymore, they can’t go out.

But with sensible precautions, things have got to start returning to some sort of normality, 2 years later.

Riseholme · 26/02/2022 15:44

I wouldn't socialise with somebody if they had family with heavy colds because I hate being ill, its miserable.
You knew you were going to go if you were negative so expected other people to forgo the night out if they were worried about covid.
Why should they?
It's your family that's poorly not there's.

Riseholme · 26/02/2022 15:45

their's

labyrinthlaziness · 26/02/2022 15:46

things have got to start returning to some sort of normality

I am always very interested in the phrase 'got to', there are a whole array of options. People who say 'got to' sound a bit tantrum-y.

Caterina99 · 26/02/2022 15:46

I wouldn’t really care as my whole household has had omicron recently so I hope I’m immune for a bit.

However, knowing how it went through us all one by one, if I was concerned about catching it then I wouldn’t want to knowingly socialise with someone with a positive case in the household. It’s highly likely you’re brewing it and potentially contagious. Yes I could catch it anywhere, but it’s much more likely if someone I’m sat next to all night has it!

Piggy42 · 26/02/2022 15:47

You don’t want to pass it to your elderly parents but are happy to pass it to younger friends who may live with someone vulnerable? YABU

mrsm43s · 26/02/2022 15:48

I wouldn't go out socialising if someone in my household tested positive.

I wouldn't socialise with someone who had a household member who had tested positive, and I would think that they were very selfish for going out knowing that they were at high risk of infecting others.

I would expect my friends who had a household member with Covid to tell me and cancel any plans they had with me.

I accept that close contacts may have to continue to do some essential things like working / schooling / maybe some essential appointments, but I would expect them to have enough social responsibility not do non-essential things like socialising.

Derbee · 26/02/2022 15:51

@labyrinthlaziness

things have got to start returning to some sort of normality

I am always very interested in the phrase 'got to', there are a whole array of options. People who say 'got to' sound a bit tantrum-y.

Well, it’s nice to sit at home being scared and furloughed etc. But the financial support has ended, the virus has mutated to a much less damaging variant currently, and most people are triple vaccinated.

If that’s STILL not enough for some people, and they’re too terrified to start living again, then fair enough. But they should put the restrictions on themselves rather than on others. OP has the legal and moral right to go out, as long as she’s testing negative.

There is no way that people know of every single person who has a positive case in their household. Of the people going out, it may well be only the OP who has mentioned a positive case, and a couple of others haven’t bothered. Therefore someone in the group could catch it anyway, and if they’re so terrified, they shouldn’t be risking going out anyway

Genegenieee · 26/02/2022 15:51

[quote feelingannoyed1]@MsHampton but would you be happy to meet up with a friend who didn't have flu but someone in their household did? [/quote]
Not flu no

cherish123 · 26/02/2022 15:52

They probably assumed that you were meaning you could not come. Not everyone is comfortable with you going. To be honest, if a family member had Covid, I'd go to work, shops, essential trips but not a night out.

JustLyra · 26/02/2022 15:54

@feelingannoyed1

I told them because I just feel it's only courtesy. Everyone has their own situations and if they don't want to take the risk then that should be their decision. Although surely everyone is unknowingly coming into contact with close contacts who are negative all the time now as there is so much of it about!

Just feeling pretty crap that it's me who's affected when I really needed this night out to be honest. Organiser is out socialising loads!!

What was the point of telling them out of courtesy if you weren’t offering to step out if people weren’t comfortable?

I wouldn’t want to mix with a close contact. Same as I’d expect someone to cancel if they had noro in their house.

The end of restrictions doesn’t mean anything when it comes to basic manners for things like that.

labyrinthlaziness · 26/02/2022 15:56

@Derbee That is not how I am living, I am not scared. I am just accepting of the fact that covid is here to stay.

It is interesting how you have jumped to a false conclusion - as I said, sound a bit tantrum-y.

There are a whole range of options. Try not to be afraid of change, or of the fact not everyone sees things in exactly the way you do. I think it is you who sounds a bit terrified. You'll be fine, honestly, even if things don't go back exactly as they were. (Most) humans are adaptable. Be brave!

TempName01 · 26/02/2022 15:58

It’s not either staying at home completely isolated or go on with your business while covid positive, there is a balance where you consider is it really necessary. Some people will have to go out work, others can easily work from home. Choosing to expose people because you fancy a few drinks is so selfish, why would you want to do that to your friends.

Dishwashersaurous · 26/02/2022 16:02

What do you mean by you told them out of courtesy?

What did you think would happen?

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 26/02/2022 16:02

@girlmom21

I think it'd be selfish of you to go and I'd be annoyed if me friend did, regardless of what the 'rules' say
This!
Derbee · 26/02/2022 16:03

[quote labyrinthlaziness]@Derbee That is not how I am living, I am not scared. I am just accepting of the fact that covid is here to stay.

It is interesting how you have jumped to a false conclusion - as I said, sound a bit tantrum-y.

There are a whole range of options. Try not to be afraid of change, or of the fact not everyone sees things in exactly the way you do. I think it is you who sounds a bit terrified. You'll be fine, honestly, even if things don't go back exactly as they were. (Most) humans are adaptable. Be brave![/quote]
You’re the one making assumptions.

I am neither tantrummy or terrified.

I am 36 weeks pregnant, and being cautious, within reason. I am going to shops, and restaurants. I am happy for things to be open, and for people to be able to make their own decisions on safety/risk/comfort levels within a “pre covid” framework.

Things will go back to normal, and they should. How much any individual wants to engage with the old normal is up to them.

itsnotdeep · 26/02/2022 16:07

I had the same situation with my book club recently - they didn't want me to come! I respect their decision - if they'd said it was fine, I would have gone.

I don't know what I'd do about other things though - in that case I couldn't go out really as it was my youngest child that had covid and I couldn't leave her as I didn't have a babysitter (until the night of the book club when she went to her dads). I did go to a work thing though that I had to go to.

My friend recently met up with me and thought it better not to tell me she had covid symptoms (she tested positive the next day) - I was annoyed about that. It's only courtesy to tell people.

tkwal · 26/02/2022 16:09

When I was a close contact I kept myself isolated because if you're symptom free you may not realise you're positive for a day or two and if you're not aware that there's someone who is immunocompromised in your group you could easily pass it on

MrsBerthaRochester · 26/02/2022 16:11

I would just send a laughing face and say dont be daft of course im coming as Im negative. It really is time to get on with life. PARTY!!!!!! Doommongers feel free to hide at home and stop pissing on other folks chips.

AngelinaFibres · 26/02/2022 16:12

My mother had covid. She was feeling tired but tested negative initially and thought it was just old age catching up with her. We went out in the car to sort out some things for her. The next day she tested positive. I don't live with her, I was not with her for very long. The following day I tested positive. I was poorly with it. I would not want to spend a whole evening with someone who was a close contact. You might be negative today and then positive tomorrow. Mum caught it from someone who had tested negative when they met for a coffee and positive the following day.Your mistake was mentioning the positive case in your house. You need to stay away from people you don't absolutely have to see. Work is compulsory, socialising isn't.

Suzi888 · 26/02/2022 16:15

“I'm out living my life, socialising but wouldn't choose to spend time with a close contact.”Confused
You ARE though. Every time you go out.

Mistressiggi · 26/02/2022 16:15

Exactly. A lot of us would have to go into work in this scenario, we would not have to go to the pub or out for dinner. Colleagues who have a household positive are still going into work but staying away from others at break and lunch times. They are also wearing masks, I assume you weren't planning to eat dinner in a mask.

AngelinaFibres · 26/02/2022 16:18

You are fed up because it is you that is missing out. But it is you who has the positive case in your house. If they were not comfortable with you and decided not to come then you would still be in the same position of no one to spend the evening with. If someone in your house had flu or a sickness bug I would rather not spend the evening with you then as well.

LovedayCL · 26/02/2022 16:18

@feelingannoyed1

We'll I'm not going so I'm not putting anyone at any potential risk.

COVID is everywhere at the minute and we are all coming into contact with positive cases and close contacts all the time. Unfortunately that's what life is like now if you like it of not. People who know they are positive are even allowed back into workplaces.

I have abided by every rule the whole time, and have also avoided going on nights out when I was a close contact even though I could have gone, but I didn't want to put anyone's Christmas's at risk because it was obviously the right thing to do.

Now the rules have lifted but I'm still stuck at home, and I can't quite get my head around why. I'm not going to be mixing with my elderly parents who have health conditions until I know our whole house is Covid free, but surely the risk of meeting with a few friends who are young and healthy is much less, especially considering they are out socialising in bars and restaurants pretty often and most likely in close contact with people who are higher risk than me.

The why is because you’ve someone you live with that’s currently positive. That shouldn’t be the case in a week or so (unless you have it!). So it’s temporary. Annoying and disappointing, but, temporary.