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Original poster

Friend telling me to not to join night out because I'm a close contact

376 replies

feelingannoyed1 · 26/02/2022 14:01

Had a night out planned with friends tonight, one I've been really looking forward to for ages as, for one reason or another, we haven't met up since summer last year. Was looking forward to getting dressed up and having a few drinks, this isn't something I get to do very often as I have young kids. For context, the other members of the group don't have kids and get out much more than me.

But of course we now have a positive Covid case in our household. I'm negative and have no symptoms, but thought it was just courtesy to let the group know. Was expecting them just to say oh that's fine, we're looking forward to seeing you, but the organiser wrote back saying what a shame, they'll all miss me and hopefully I can join another time!

I'm actually really upset. There's no reason I can't go, and we have to start living our lives again. The impact on everyone's mental health is too great, and that includes me missing out on some much needed social interaction (and yes I know there are much worse things going on in the world right now).

I spoke to one of the other girls in the group, she was happy for me to come, but didn't really want to get caught up in a bit of an argument, and either do I. I just think if the organiser isn't comfortable sitting on a table with a close contact who is negative (despite herself working quite closely with COVID positive patients!) then it should be her that should stay at home, not me!

Just need a rant, this has actually really upset me ☹️

OP posts:
Beautiful3 · 26/02/2022 15:25

You shouldn't have told them. Now they know, half of them won't want to mix with you, just in case. I'd leave it for now, and go out next time.

EthelTheAardvark · 26/02/2022 15:25

I'm actually really upset. There's no reason I can't go, and we have to start living our lives again. The impact on everyone's mental health is too great, and that includes me missing out on some much needed social interaction (and yes I know there are much worse things going on in the world right now).

Get it in proportion. This is you missing out on an evening out. OK, it's one you were looking forward to, but you know there will be other evenings.

If you insist on going, you risk a number of the other members of the group feeling that they can't. Is that fair on them?

LilacPaisley · 26/02/2022 15:26

I'm just interested to know, do you think all your friends would have told you they were a close contact in the same situation? Or would they just have gone on the night out and not mentioned it?

Yes, my friends would have told me, and on a few occasions, they have.
I would also tell them, and I wouldn't mix with others until I'd tested negative for 7 days.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 26/02/2022 15:26

For those of you saying I shouldn't be going out to see friends, are you all going to continue to self isolate if you have a positive household case

Yes. Many of my friends have elderly parents who are unwell (who they care for).

Are you ever planning to return to some sense of normality?

Wake up. 'Normality' as in pre-COVID isn't ever coming back. It's just how we learn to deal with things going forward.

If you had measles, would you think it's OK to go to the pub?

Derbee · 26/02/2022 15:26

If you wanted to go out, you should have kept doing LFTs and gone if negative. Once you tell people that there’s a case in your household, it’s out of your hands whether you go out or not

LefttoherownDevizes · 26/02/2022 15:27

YABU DD had tested positive this morning, I'm in England so no legal isolation but morally stroll the right thing to do.

Again first night ott for months thought, likely withdrew but friends all said they were happy for DH and I to be there as we have tested negative.

I wouldn't have dreamed of expecting the people that were uncomfortable to stay away, is our DD that has Covid so would have been us, just part and parcel of parenting.

EthelTheAardvark · 26/02/2022 15:28

@BigSandyBalls2015

Wouldn’t bother me. I spent an evening with a friend the other week, whose DH and DS were positive 🤷🏼‍♀️

Put another message on there saying you’ve tested negative and you’re going. Up to them if they don’t want to.

So you're one experience of one contact outweighs all the known facts about infection risk? Can you see any problem with your reasoning process?

If OP were to follow your advice, that would be bloody selfish, and would ruin the evening anyway if even one other member feels driven out.

Nat94 · 26/02/2022 15:29

You made the mistake of telling everyone. Learn your lesson for next time. Why give people the option of no longer inviting you when you were clearly going to be upset when this happened?

Holidays27 · 26/02/2022 15:30

Why did you tell them if you were still planning to go and are negative? That’s a bit silly. Some people really worry about getting infected.

Egghead68 · 26/02/2022 15:31

@SpiderVersed

I get that it's really frustrating but I agree with then organiser. If you have Covid in your household you don't go out socialising.

I wouldn't if there was norovirus or some other highly inferctious condition in my household either. It's just being considerate.

Agree - I wouldn’t socialise with someone with norovirus or measles in the house either.
EthelTheAardvark · 26/02/2022 15:31

@PrimroseTheSmooth

I think if I were your friend I’d have suggested postponing the whole thing rather than telling you not to come.
Come off it. Other people may well have been looking forward to this just as much as OP, and it can be really difficult getting together a group of people with other commitments, babysitting problems etc. Frankly, if I were one of the group and somebody tried to cancel on these grounds, I'd get together with the others anyway.
TakeYourFinalPosition · 26/02/2022 15:32

It seems to be a juxtaposition that you think it’s courteous to let people know that someone in your family has tested positive, but you don’t think it’s courteous to then not go, if someone going is uncomfortable with you going.

I’m sorry that you’re missing a night out, genuinely, but I don’t think you should go with Covid in your household.

EthelTheAardvark · 26/02/2022 15:33

@Derbee

If you wanted to go out, you should have kept doing LFTs and gone if negative. Once you tell people that there’s a case in your household, it’s out of your hands whether you go out or not
I disagree. That would be both deceitful and selfish. One person's wish to have a night out can't trump the health of others. What if just one vulnerable member of the group went down with Covid following the night out and became seriously ill? Could you or OP live with yourselves knowing you might have prevented it?
GrettaGreen · 26/02/2022 15:33

So you're not seeing some of your loved ones in case you did catch Covid and put them at risk. If some of your friends caught it from socialising then they might then have to stop seeing their loved ones to protect them. They are taking a sensible precaution to avoid that scenario.

TempName01 · 26/02/2022 15:34

I wouldn’t socialise if I had a child with covid, same as I wouldn’t if they had norovirus or similar. The advice is still to be cautious and not have unnecessary contacts.

betwixtlives · 26/02/2022 15:35

@NewMum0305

In the nicest way possible, you told people because you suspected that a few of them might not want to socialise with you due to the risk, but wanted them to miss out on the night our rather than you, even though you’re the one affected?
yeh this. you’re being selfish OP
Queenkarm · 26/02/2022 15:35

OP please say what you would think if one or more of the group turned up and had a positive covid person in their house. Would you shrug you shoulders and carry on with your night or would you think omg I could take this home to my dc.

oviraptor21 · 26/02/2022 15:37

The advice where I am has for a while been that close contacts don't need to isolate. Unless my close contact was obviously symptomatic I would continue to go out and about as usual. Non-symptomatic omicron is not the same at all as measles. Yes ... we do need to move to a phase of treating covid as like a mild flu unless a new more dangerous variant comes along.

EthelTheAardvark · 26/02/2022 15:39

For those of you saying I shouldn't be going out to see friends, are you all going to continue to self isolate if you have a positive household case, even though there is no requirement to do so?

Yup. In fact, I did just that last week when DH tested positive.

Are you going to stop going into work for fear of putting your colleagues at risk and what will your employers say about that if the rules say you should be in work?

If that was my situation, I would make sure that I had written to them telling them about it and confirming that I was going in because they were making me. Once in, I would let my colleagues know, and do my best to keep a distance. Fortunately for me, however, my employers have already said they don't want us in if we or anyone in the household test positive.

Are you ever planning to return to some sense of normality?

You tell me. Do you have a crystal ball as to when or if all danger from covid is eradicated? We have to take sensible precautions, just as we with lots of other infectious diseases. We can't carry on as if covid were never more than a bit of a sniffle.

SerendipitySunshine · 26/02/2022 15:41

If I was out with a friend and found they had covid in the house and they hadn't told me, I'd be really fucked off to be honest. Same if their kids had noro virus or flu. Spreading infections is not a friendly thing to do.

Thebestusername1 · 26/02/2022 15:41

Can you plan a nice night at home maybe your favourite takeaway and a nice bottle of wine etc it sound like you need to cheer yourself up its hard to just forget about the night out but maybe book in with sone other friends soon and make a plan so that you have something to look forward to?

RoaryMouth · 26/02/2022 15:42

People saying here that you can go to work if positive in England (I'm not in England). Really? The guidance is you don't have to self isolate but stay at home if possible and avoid other people. So taking the avoid other people part of the guidance, that would mean you don't go to work if you can't avoid others? Surely workplaces will have rules, similar to D&V etc.?

labyrinthlaziness · 26/02/2022 15:42

For those of you saying I shouldn't be going out to see friends, are you all going to continue to self isolate if you have a positive household case, even though there is no requirement to do so? Yes, that is what I am planning to do at the moment if there is a positive case in the household.

Are you going to stop going into work for fear of putting your colleagues at risk and what will your employers say about that if the rules say you should be in work? I would pass this decision to my employer, but would be honest and open about it.

Are you ever planning to return to some sense of normality? I think this is normal for covid in Spring 2022. Things will presumably continue to evolve.

Stinkywizzleteets · 26/02/2022 15:43

As someone CEV I’d be grateful if a friend alerted me that they were a close contact of a positive household member. The disease hasn’t changed, just our attitudes towards it and those vulnerable to a worse case of the disease has changed and not for the better.

Those taking a risk every time they leave the house have to rely on the common sense of the public to do the right thing. You did the right thing op. It might not feel good but think of those you’re protecting. Your friends clearly don’t want to take the risk and you have to respect that rather than listen to people here telling you you ought to have lied or said nothing. It’s only fair.

If society has to rely on the common sense of its members (ahem) then we all have to apply that common sense approach whether we’re happy about it or not. You’re not having to isolate but you miss a night on the lash. Not a big deal on the scale of things. How would you feel if you test positive tomorrow morning and have kindly shared it with half the pub or club or would you not care?

LilacPaisley · 26/02/2022 15:44

For those of you saying I shouldn't be going out to see friends, are you all going to continue to self isolate if you have a positive household case, even though there is no requirement to do so?

Of course. It's the responsible thing to do. The likelihood of contracting it and passing it on to others is very high. Why wouldn't you do the right thing?