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Original poster

Friend telling me to not to join night out because I'm a close contact

376 replies

feelingannoyed1 · 26/02/2022 14:01

Had a night out planned with friends tonight, one I've been really looking forward to for ages as, for one reason or another, we haven't met up since summer last year. Was looking forward to getting dressed up and having a few drinks, this isn't something I get to do very often as I have young kids. For context, the other members of the group don't have kids and get out much more than me.

But of course we now have a positive Covid case in our household. I'm negative and have no symptoms, but thought it was just courtesy to let the group know. Was expecting them just to say oh that's fine, we're looking forward to seeing you, but the organiser wrote back saying what a shame, they'll all miss me and hopefully I can join another time!

I'm actually really upset. There's no reason I can't go, and we have to start living our lives again. The impact on everyone's mental health is too great, and that includes me missing out on some much needed social interaction (and yes I know there are much worse things going on in the world right now).

I spoke to one of the other girls in the group, she was happy for me to come, but didn't really want to get caught up in a bit of an argument, and either do I. I just think if the organiser isn't comfortable sitting on a table with a close contact who is negative (despite herself working quite closely with COVID positive patients!) then it should be her that should stay at home, not me!

Just need a rant, this has actually really upset me ☹️

OP posts:
britneyisfree · 02/03/2022 07:08

@Ivyonafence people like those with mental health conditions that will be affected by being isolated and not able to socialise. Surely we need to take their risk level into account too?

hoadinthetole · 02/03/2022 07:22

Oh Jesus are people really still fussing over covid?
I wouldn't have said anything personally, think we need to just crack on now and live with it same as we do with anything else.
I honestly would just reply with something like 'close contacts don't have to isolate and I'm negative so I'll still be there' and say no more about it

Icequeen01 · 02/03/2022 08:10

@feelingannoyed1

We'll I'm not going so I'm not putting anyone at any potential risk.

COVID is everywhere at the minute and we are all coming into contact with positive cases and close contacts all the time. Unfortunately that's what life is like now if you like it of not. People who know they are positive are even allowed back into workplaces.

I have abided by every rule the whole time, and have also avoided going on nights out when I was a close contact even though I could have gone, but I didn't want to put anyone's Christmas's at risk because it was obviously the right thing to do.

Now the rules have lifted but I'm still stuck at home, and I can't quite get my head around why. I'm not going to be mixing with my elderly parents who have health conditions until I know our whole house is Covid free, but surely the risk of meeting with a few friends who are young and healthy is much less, especially considering they are out socialising in bars and restaurants pretty often and most likely in close contact with people who are higher risk than me.

You mention about not mixing with your elderly parents whilst you have Covid in the house and I would want you to allow me the same option if I was your friend. I have an elderly DM who totally relies on me so if I caught Covid it causes enormous problems so wouldn't want to mix with you. Just because you have had a negative LFT does not mean you don't have Covid as myself and 15 work colleagues found out at Xmas.
Belladonna12 · 02/03/2022 08:34

Just because you have had a negative LFT does not mean you don't have Covid as myself and 15 work colleagues found out at Xmas.

Exactly. I didn't get a positive result until the third test (after two days of symptoms).

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 02/03/2022 08:49

@hoadinthetole

Oh Jesus are people really still fussing over covid? I wouldn't have said anything personally, think we need to just crack on now and live with it same as we do with anything else. I honestly would just reply with something like 'close contacts don't have to isolate and I'm negative so I'll still be there' and say no more about it
I would have said the same tbh. I'm a close contact and I'm still going to the shops and gym. I'm fully vaxxed and testing negative on Lat flows everyday. I'm not stopping everything when someone else is ill in the household, if I begin to feel ill or test positive that's a whole different story and I would stay in.
Chipsahoy · 02/03/2022 08:54

I wouldn’t go out of there was any illness b my family. Not to socialise in doors for hours. Work is different because you need to be there.

Example when two of my kids had a sickness bug I cancelled a night out. Friends were relieved.

Just because restrictions have changed doesn’t mean you don’t have moral duties.
Sickness in your household that easily spreads? Stay away from other people as much as possible.

5128gap · 02/03/2022 08:57

@JustLyra

The refusal of some people to see the difference both between necessary contact (school, work, hospital appointments) and not necessary contact such as a night out is quite bizarre.

Same with the insistence of not seeing a difference between knowing someone is a close contact and not knowing.

It really is no wonder flu, noro and things like chicken pox do spread so easily when people just don’t give a shit about others.

I don't think people are refusing to see the difference between necessary and unnecessary social contact or knowledge of close contacts covid status at all. They are just no longer applying this thinking to their plans, because they are no longer required to do so. Like it or not, people want to live their lives. They no longer want to be restricted to only 'essential' activities, and now the law doesn't require it, its ridiculous to assume that people will voluntarily cancel plans and miss out on things for evermore. Especially as rationally, unless everyone did it (which will never happen) they know their sacrifice would be pretty meaningless anyway. Its not about not giving a shit about others, (and that's actually pretty offensive, given the last two years healthy low risk people have endured, in the main, pretty stoically, in the interests of others) it's about being pragmatic, and understanding that some sacrifices are pretty pointless in the scheme of things.
EthelTheAardvark · 02/03/2022 09:12

Oh Jesus are people really still fussing over covid?

Oh Jesus, are people really still dying from covid?

Why yes, yes they are.

SartresSoul · 02/03/2022 09:15

Probably wouldn’t have told them, would just have tested and if negative gone anyway.

Belladonna12 · 02/03/2022 09:37

@5128gap I don't think people are refusing to see the difference between necessary and unnecessary social contact or knowledge of close contacts covid status at all. They are just no longer applying this thinking to their plans, because they are no longer required to do so.

Don't judge everyone by your own standards. Some people are using their common sense and realising that the risk of covid hasn't suddenly decreased compared with January. I didn't want to infect people then and I don't want to do it now.

Ivyonafence · 02/03/2022 09:44

@britneyisfree I agree. It would be terrible for MH to be stuck inside all the time.

But that's not what anyone is asking of the OP, she's just being asked to miss out on ONE night out in her otherwise free life. She can resume her normal life in a week or less. Missing one night out is hardly the stuff that destroys mental health.

Conversely, what a lot of people on this thread have suggested is that vulnerable people should just 'stay home if they are anxious' - now this- expecting that vulnerable people should permanently stay home and isolate is the real mental health risk IMO.

sweetbellyhigh · 02/03/2022 09:49

I can understand why you feel disappointed but it isn't your friends' fault. It's just one of those things.

sillysmiles · 02/03/2022 10:30

Just because you have had a negative LFT does not mean you don't have Covid as myself and 15 work colleagues found out at Xmas.

This^

On a Saturday felt fine, no symptoms, I did a test prior to a visit - negative.
On Sunday felt off, did a test - negative.
On Monday did a test - positive and positive PCR

Surely common sense will tell you is you a close contact (household - actually close) then you limit unnecessary contacts for a few days until it clears your house.

luckylavender · 02/03/2022 10:53

@000oooh

It's been 2 years and most people are now triple jabbed. Life has to go on ffs. Tell them you're still coming
I'm triple jabbed and I've just caught COVID for the first time and it's really not very pleasant. Nothing like a mild cold. Just because Johnson says it's over means nothing.
luckylavender · 02/03/2022 10:56

@Awwlookatmybabyspider

Why do you need her permission to go into a pub/Club. It's not got her name over the door has it. We're allowed out with Covid now aren't we, in any case. All restrictions have been lifted haven't that. People's little Hitler days are over. Not only that but you're not even positive.
This is such a horrible attitude. What have we become?
luckylavender · 02/03/2022 11:00

@Lennybenny

You can go to work with a positive case....so why wouldn't you go out? You were negative on a test. Rules have changed and as of this week you don't even need to isolate. Time to move on and get back to normal. I'll be going to work if I'm positive because I'm no longer testing because I cba.
But you're advised not to go to work if you're positive. It's a very shitty thing to do.
luckylavender · 02/03/2022 11:04

@MrsBerthaRochester

COVID IS OVER. Its time to party!!! Can the moaning minnies please stay at home so the rest of us can get on with living(with the illness that is no more than a cold to the VAST majority. Fact)
Stupid attitude
Belladonna12 · 02/03/2022 11:07

@Lennybenny

You can go to work with a positive case....so why wouldn't you go out? You were negative on a test. Rules have changed and as of this week you don't even need to isolate. Time to move on and get back to normal. I'll be going to work if I'm positive because I'm no longer testing because I cba.
You won't be prosecuted for going to work but that doesn't mean it is advised. It's understandable that people will go to work if they won't be paid otherwise but socialising is not going to affect whether you can eat/pay rent.
5128gap · 02/03/2022 11:48

[quote Belladonna12]**@5128gap I don't think people are refusing to see the difference between necessary and unnecessary social contact or knowledge of close contacts covid status at all. They are just no longer applying this thinking to their plans, because they are no longer required to do so.

Don't judge everyone by your own standards. Some people are using their common sense and realising that the risk of covid hasn't suddenly decreased compared with January. I didn't want to infect people then and I don't want to do it now.[/quote]
Its not a matter of judging by my own standards. It's a simple matter of observation. People who are are still worried will be typically avoiding crowded higher risk places and situations, and so are less aware of how other people are behaving. But I can assure you that there are huge numbers of people going about their business without a thought to covid, and that those who hold your views are in ever decreasing numbers. Like it or not, the majority of people do not make their day to day decisions based on the likelihood they will make a stranger (what most people now believe) to be mildly ill. You may not like it, but it doesn't mean its not true. If it were, the majority of people would still be voluntarily wearing masks, and cinemas, theatres and nightclubs would be empty.

Belladonna12 · 02/03/2022 12:39

Its not a matter of judging by my own standards. It's a simple matter of observation. People who are are still worried will be typically avoiding crowded higher risk places and situations, and so are less aware of how other people are behaving.

I'm not talking about whether people are avoiding crowded places though. I'm talking about whether most people are now going out even if infected or if they know it is highly likely. You can't possibly know that from being in crowded places. You think people are socialising whether or not they infected because you would do it yourself. Some people are more considerate though. I am certain none of my friends or coworkers have your attitude. It's really selfish.

GreyCarpet · 02/03/2022 13:03

Don't judge everyone by your own standards. Some people are using their common sense and realising that the risk of covid hasn't suddenly decreased compared with January. I didn't want to infect people then and I don't want to do it now

Neither does anyone else. If you test negative, you haven't got it and so can't infect anyone else...

Belladonna12 · 02/03/2022 13:15

@GreyCarpet

Don't judge everyone by your own standards. Some people are using their common sense and realising that the risk of covid hasn't suddenly decreased compared with January. I didn't want to infect people then and I don't want to do it now

Neither does anyone else. If you test negative, you haven't got it and so can't infect anyone else...

Not true I'm afraid. False negatives are common especially early on in the infection.
5128gap · 02/03/2022 13:23

@Belladonna12

Its not a matter of judging by my own standards. It's a simple matter of observation. People who are are still worried will be typically avoiding crowded higher risk places and situations, and so are less aware of how other people are behaving.

I'm not talking about whether people are avoiding crowded places though. I'm talking about whether most people are now going out even if infected or if they know it is highly likely. You can't possibly know that from being in crowded places. You think people are socialising whether or not they infected because you would do it yourself. Some people are more considerate though. I am certain none of my friends or coworkers have your attitude. It's really selfish.

You are now inventing an imaginary persona for me and claiming to know my thoughts and behaviours. I at no point said I would go out if I were infected . You have made that up apropos of nothing. I am merely telling you that many people are not making their social decisions based on the possibility of infecting other people. That may be uncomfortable for you to hear, but to dismiss that reality as one 'selfish' woman judging everyone by her own standards (of which you know nothing, but i can assure you i have noting to berate myself about for my conduct throughout covid) is naive and deluded.
Belladonna12 · 02/03/2022 13:38

You are now inventing an imaginary persona for me and claiming to know my thoughts and behaviours. I at no point said I would go out if I were infected . You have made that up apropos of nothing. I am merely telling you that many people are not making their social decisions based on the possibility of infecting other people.

Err. If you would not go out knowing you are infected then you are making a decision based on the possibility of infecting other people!

LittleMissMoggy · 02/03/2022 13:44

The thing is, if you still have to isolate if positive, then you are risking other commitments your friends might have. I think I'd feel the same as them, we all know we might come into contact with covid if we go out but it's another thing knowingly spending time with a close contact. Understandably very frustrating for you but I understand their response.