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Original poster

Unplanned pregnancy, I am so scared to tell my partner

353 replies

emmaa1990 · 21/02/2022 10:13

Hello,

I am on a pill which I have been taking, I was on 3 lots of antibiotics- could this be how I have fallen pregnant?
Anyway I am late for my period, so yesterday I did a test off my own back, and to my shock it was positive. I am so so scared as this is totally unplanned- I still haven’t told my boyfriend of two years, I am so scared of how he will react. What if he says absolutely not, or is angry at me?

Please can someone give me advice or calm me down! Thank you

OP posts:
purplemunkey · 21/02/2022 10:22

Why on earth would he be angry at you? If you've fallen pregnant it's because you are having sex with EACH OTHER - both of you are responsible. I think all you can do is tell him and go from there. Make sure you are in a time and place to talk it through, as it sounds like it will be a lot to process for both of you.

bubbletrouble18 · 21/02/2022 10:26

Some antibiotics do interfere with birth control but it is rare. When I've been prescribed a certain type, can't remember the name of it now, the pharmacist told me to use extra protection for the course of the treatment because there is a slight risk.

Please don't be scared to tell him, as the PP said - this is just as much his responsibility as yours. The sooner you tell him the better you'll feel OP, please don't let him pressure you into making a decision that you don't want. Good luck xx

Original poster
emmaa1990 · 21/02/2022 10:26

I’m worried he may accuse me of missing my pill or something like that when I haven’t! So many emotions I am feeling, I am just so shocked. But it’s not asif we are really young, I am 32 soon and he is 34 later this year, but I am worried how he will react, I’ve planted a seed of saying my period hasn’t come so see what he says!

OP posts:

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Itstoobig · 21/02/2022 10:27

Op, I am sorry you're in this position.

Firstly, many antibiotics interfere with the efficacy of the pill, and you should have been advised when prescribed them to use additional contraception (did this not happen?).

With regards to the pregnancy and your boyfriend- I would say firstly you need to take some time to calm down and think how you feel. Do you want the baby? If yes, can you do it alone? Would you want to do it with your boyfriend? If you don't want a baby, that is completely valid too, and your boyfriend ultimately has no say in preventing you going down either route. Once you have given yourself time to reflect what is your preferred outcome then talk to him. He cannot tell you what to do. You shouldn't feel scared of his reaction - anxious perhaps, but not scared and if he is angry that is not ok. You don't need to rush into anything, and he may need time to think about how he feels too of course. But first of all, think about what you want.

Aquamarine1029 · 21/02/2022 10:29

It's worrying that you're so afraid of your partner's reaction. That's not normal, and it certainly doesn't bode well. He's every bit as responsible for this pregnancy as you are.

topcat2014 · 21/02/2022 10:31

32 and 34... not like 16 and 18.

Have you spoken about kids before?

over2021 · 21/02/2022 10:34

I really wish posters wouldn't jump to the conclusion that OP is afraid of her partner. She's afraid of his reaction which is completely understandable - she's afraid of rejection.

OP, as someone who has had an unplanned pregnancy (much sooner than 2 years into a relationship and much younger than early thirties!) you need to just bite the bullet. He won't feel half the fear you are currently feeling so I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

Let us know xx

Ursusmajor · 21/02/2022 10:35

What do you want to do OP?
Would you prefer to have this baby or to terminate? Does your bf’s reaction make a difference to your choice?
You actually hold all the power with regard to this pregnancy. It is entirely your choice whether to continue or to seek a termination. There is absolutely nothing your bf can do to force you to choose one way or the other. Obviously he can decide for himself whether he wants to continue the relationship if he doesn’t agree with your choice. He can react badly and try and force you to agree with him, but the medical staff will only act on your wishes, (for either pregnancy care or for a termination) so his wishes will not be taken into account.

Original poster
emmaa1990 · 21/02/2022 10:35

Yes it’s come up loads! He does want them, I don’t know why I am so scared. He wouldn’t react badly but I’m worried he will think I’ve missed my pills etc when I haven’t! I am worried of being accused, I don’t know - I’m just panicking so much!

OP posts:
Original poster
emmaa1990 · 21/02/2022 10:37

Oh yeah I’m not scared of him at all, he’s lovely- I mean I am so scared of me telling him and being accused I’ve made it happen or something! I am making situations up in my head! Just scary thought of saying something so huge ! I am shocked so no doubt he will be very shocked!

I don’t even know what I want to do atm, I need to speak to him and see how he reacts and what he wants!

OP posts:
Ursusmajor · 21/02/2022 10:38

Just tell him the truth - you think it might have been because of the antibiotics.

Violetmo0n · 21/02/2022 10:40

Op your in shock.
Let the news digest.
You know you haven't purposely missed your pill, it happens all the time.

Ursusmajor · 21/02/2022 10:40

There’s no rule that you must do this face to face. If you’d rather give him time to get over his initial disbelief you can text him. - tell him you were worried cause your period hasn’t started so you did a test and it’s positive. I’d send him a pic of the test during his lunch break at work.

Knotamuvva · 21/02/2022 10:42

Is there someone you can confide in who will not be a threat to your boyfriend and you trust ? If no then how about your GP. I sense that a real person holding your hand - both physically and mentally might be reassuring.

ShadowPuppets · 21/02/2022 10:43

Of course you’re stressed - it’s a huge thing, you’re at a vulnerable point in your life, I’d be amazed if you weren’t nervous. I was nervous telling my husband (who I’ve been with for 10 years) that I thought I might be pregnant unplanned and we already have one and were planning another in a year or so anyway Grin don’t feel bad for the nerves, OP.

How do you best deal with situations like this? For me I like knowing exactly what my plan is - so plotting out best case scenario (he’s over the moon, yay!) or worst case scenario, however unlikely it may be (he freaks out completely, tells you to have an abortion and then does a runner). Then, once you’ve got a bit of a plan, come up with a concrete time and place you’re going to tell him, and just do it. You’ll feel loads better when you have, either way, because you won’t be dealing in hypotheticals any more.

I know what you mean about worrying he’ll ‘blame’ you but you know you didn’t do this on purpose. Early pregnancy makes me feel like a school kid who’s broken the rules for some reason - blame the brain washing that tells all women from their teenage years that getting pregnant will ruin your life! I’m 32 with a kid and a husband already and I have to remind myself sometimes I’m not 15 and half way through my GCSEs!

Good luck - I really hope everything goes brilliantly for you and this is just a little surprise that starts off your family together a smidge sooner than it would have anyway Smile

Nadjathedoll · 21/02/2022 10:45

Didn't the GP tell you that the antibiotics would interfere with the pill? I thought they were supposed to tell women whenever they prescribed antibiotics!

ShadowPuppets · 21/02/2022 10:45

Sorry OP - I wrote the above assuming you want to progress the pregnancy. If not just take my best/worst case examples and spin them around! Personally I think it would be good to try and get a sense of how you feel about it before you tell him, so that you know your gut reaction is yours and yours alone rather than you being swayed by anyone else’s opinions, but I appreciate it’s hard and if you’re torn it may well be a decision you want to come to as a couple. Good luck whatever you decide Smile

Garysmum · 21/02/2022 10:51

@Nadjathedoll

Didn't the GP tell you that the antibiotics would interfere with the pill? I thought they were supposed to tell women whenever they prescribed antibiotics!
I thought this was the case. I was recently given ABs and asked the GP and she said that was old thinking - Abs really don't interfere much with the pill and I was advised there was no need to use anything additional
Original poster
emmaa1990 · 21/02/2022 10:51

No the doctors haven’t told me that those antibiotics affect my pill? I am just so confused how this has happened?! I somehow feel like it’s all my fault! That’s why I am so worried.
Cannot believe this has happened!

Thank you so much everyone, I do feel better after speaking to strangers about this. I have txt him and said I haven’t come on - no reply as of yet. Bet he’s completely freaking out! Like me!

Once I speak to him I will know what is best for me and him to do! God I am dreading it

OP posts:
Danikm151 · 21/02/2022 10:53

Remember the pill isn't 100% effective. There is always a few % chance of getting pregnant. You can't be to blame.

picklemewalnuts · 21/02/2022 10:58

It isn't your fault. It isn't his fault. You've been unlucky. Repeat that loads of times, and don't accept any different way of thinking about it!

Before you go any further, play some possibilities through in your head. What do you want? Would you have hoped for a lifetime connection to this man?
If he doesn't want to be involved, would you go ahead as a single parent, with no involvement from him?
Would you be happy to be linked to him for the next 18 years, if he wanted to coparent?
What if he's thrilled, what will that mean?

You can't predict how he'll respond, but you can prepare for how you feel about it.

If he's decent, he may be quite reserved in his response until he's checked out how you feel. It's fair to give him a pointer. 'I'm pregnant- shocked, but it's not the end of the world'. 'I'm pregnant, this is a disaster!'

ShadowPuppets · 21/02/2022 11:01

If he's decent, he may be quite reserved in his response until he's checked out how you feel. It's fair to give him a pointer. 'I'm pregnant- shocked, but it's not the end of the world'. 'I'm pregnant, this is a disaster!’

This is true, when I came downstairs with a positive pregnancy test in tears (hormones and shock!) DH stayed very neutral until he’d worked out how I felt about it. He’s since said he was 100% pro us having the from the moment he saw it was positive but didn’t want to start jumping for joy in case I said ‘I don’t think we can have the baby’.

Candean · 21/02/2022 11:03

My wee one was a surprise, was worried to tell my other half as kids weren't really on the agenda. He didn't react too kindly - think it was the shock but after a couple days he was calmer. He absolutely adores our little boy and wouldn't change it for the world. It's a huge change to come to terms with, just be honest and tell him - I promise it will all work out okay.

Original poster
emmaa1990 · 21/02/2022 11:13

Thanks everyone ♥️

I will update with his response once it’s all out in the open! X

OP posts:
Briarshollow · 21/02/2022 11:34

I’m really surprised someone in their 30s didn’t know about ABs potentially messing with the contraceptive pill. It was absolutely drilled into me when I went on it as a teen and every time I was prescribed ABs.

Anyway, it’s done now. Good luck, OP.