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Original poster

Unplanned pregnancy, I am so scared to tell my partner

353 replies

emmaa1990 · 21/02/2022 10:13

Hello,

I am on a pill which I have been taking, I was on 3 lots of antibiotics- could this be how I have fallen pregnant?
Anyway I am late for my period, so yesterday I did a test off my own back, and to my shock it was positive. I am so so scared as this is totally unplanned- I still haven’t told my boyfriend of two years, I am so scared of how he will react. What if he says absolutely not, or is angry at me?

Please can someone give me advice or calm me down! Thank you

OP posts:
doodleygirl · 22/02/2022 12:09

I hope that all goes well when you tell him and that your fears are unfounded.

I do think however, going forward you need to look at why you are so fearful, this is a man who is your partner and you seem so anxious.

Roundeartheratchriatmas · 22/02/2022 12:27

It is a lie because you’ve told him you are late and want to test when you know you are pregnant.

It’s your life do what you want but like others have said I’d suggest you look at why you are so afraid to tell him that you are lying by omission. You’ve said he’s a lovely man - but it’s possibly you are scared of him or the at there’s some other issue going on.

Original poster
emmaa1990 · 22/02/2022 12:35

I’m not playing games or telling lies.

I done a test not thinking it would be positive - I really thought I was a couple of days late on a off chance, since I take my pill - so this is super unexpected for me. I am not scared of my partner at all, he is lovely - how ever the thing I am so scared of is rejection, like perhaps him suggesting I have an abortion or being mad at me for maybe thinking I have missed pills, I’m just worried about what he will want! That’s all, if I thought I was pregnant beofre I would of waited and done a test with him, but I really didn’t think it would be positive and now I am really panicking and can’t seem to relax and tell him!

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Original poster
emmaa1990 · 22/02/2022 12:36

I would hate him to react in that way, that’s all. He may not want this?
There is no way I’d want to do it if he didn’t want to, but I sort of am swaying towards wanting this and worried he will want the opposite… I’m just worried of rejection on this situation that’s all

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Violetmo0n · 22/02/2022 12:39

@emmaa1990

I would hate him to react in that way, that’s all. He may not want this? There is no way I’d want to do it if he didn’t want to, but I sort of am swaying towards wanting this and worried he will want the opposite… I’m just worried of rejection on this situation that’s all
If he doesn't want the baby, that's his choice, he walks away. Just because he doesn't want it wouldn't mean you have to go have an abortion. It's your choice.
Thesearmsofmine · 22/02/2022 12:39

You’re playing games by texting him about your period despite knowing full well you are pregnant. Tell him or wait a while if you need too for whatever reason(although I would say it isn’t a healthy relationship if after two years you are so scared to tell him) but sending hints like that is game playing.

Hen2018 · 22/02/2022 12:44

That is the absolute epitome of playing games and telling lies.

Original poster
emmaa1990 · 22/02/2022 12:45

@Thesearmsofmine well that’s your opinion that I’m in a unhealthy relationship. I’m not at all, I’m very happy.
However I get anxiety and I over think everything so deeply and I wish I didn’t, I’m just worried he won’t want it, I am going to tell him later today. Il say I’ve done a test and it’s positive - I would just rather do it and see his reaction- I’m just not sure what is the best way! I’m just worried that’s all, I know I could do it alone but i would rather not - and again i am really over thinking the situation

OP posts:
Question887 · 22/02/2022 12:47

Just to add that most antibiotics do not interfere with the pill.

Original poster
emmaa1990 · 22/02/2022 12:48

Yeah I found out antibiotics don’t affect it, I’m really not sure how this has happened but it has so I need to deal with it, and yes I will tell him today

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BingeOnChocolate · 22/02/2022 12:50

Please don't play the game of pretending to not know, doing it all over text and then expecting a yay reaction. That's not fair on him. You've already said how you are panicking and by the time you actually tell him the truth that you know you're pregnant, you'll have been out of that shock phase and his reaction won't be like you want it to be.

Stop building up drama for it. Just tell him now the truth you have done a test and you are pregnant. Be honest you are worried about how he feels regarding the situation especially as it's unplanned.

Original poster
emmaa1990 · 22/02/2022 12:54

Yeah true, I know I just didn’t really know what to do when I found out, I haven’t told anyone.

I have listened to all your advice and I’ve just txt him saying I am going to do a test, then at least he knows. I would rather tell him to his face than over a phone, but at end of day he needs to know asap

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Question887 · 22/02/2022 12:55

@emmaa1990 these things happen, I do understand how you feel though. I became unexpectedly pregnant whilst on the pill but had only been with my partner 3 months! I absolutely dreaded telling him as we barely knew each other and was also worried I would be blamed. In the end I invited him over and just told him. He was very shocked but promised to be supportive, he later got very angry with and to be honest was pretty nastly. I even got accused of stealing his 'genetic output' as he put it 🙄
He eventually accepted it and we did stay together (more fool me) but he still comments that I can't be trusted with the pill.
Honestly though, you are in a completely different situation. You've been together longer and discussed children. It'll be a shock at first so he may need time to process it but it will get easier. Nobody can predict how he will react and I think a pregnancy is always a shock and scary, even if planned. He sounds like a good guy so hopefully he will react positively. Good luck.

Knobhead101 · 22/02/2022 12:57

You don't need to give him a reason.. you had sex and have fallen pregnant. Trying to get to the bottom of why or how isn't going to make anything different - show him the test today and say that you are pregnant, tell him how you feel and what you want, and then let him have his say.
If you want this baby, tell him that. 'DP, I haven't come on yet so I've done a test, I'm pregnant! Im so excited to have this baby with you' - he might be just as excited as you. If not, then you discuss his reaction and how he feels, however it is your body so it is entirely your choice what you do going forward.

Good luck, keep us posted!

DownWhichOfLate · 22/02/2022 13:00

On the practical side: if you think you will continue the pregnancy you should start taking folic acid immediately.

Original poster
emmaa1990 · 22/02/2022 13:00

Thank you so much. I am an idiot for building this up so much and not being honest with him, I am going to tell him this afternoon I am pregnant and he can just have some time you think can’t he. Just needs to be out and open so we can figure it out x

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picklemewalnuts · 22/02/2022 13:01

Sorry OP, I understand your original dilemma. I agree with a PP though, you are now massively complicating it by lying about waiting for your period Etc when you've actually done one already. When you tell him, your reaction may seem 'off' to him because of the lies, and you'll have created the situation you were trying to avoid.

I suggest you ask him to come over.
Tell him you've done a test and it's positive. That, at least, is true.

If he finds out you've known longer than you initially said, I'd say you were so worried you couldn't believe it so left it 24hrs then did another one.

Original poster
emmaa1990 · 22/02/2022 13:02

@DownWhichOfLate yes I actually have some of that, I just need to know his thoughts first- I’m just so panicked about it all.

OP posts:
Neenawneenaw76 · 22/02/2022 13:03

You're overthinking because you're in shock, it's completely normal in an unplanned pregnancy. In terms of being accused of not taking your pill, is there a reason you think he might jump to this conclusion or is it just panic really? Lots of things affect the pill, it's not a 100% safe method. You both took the chance, there are steps he could have taken himself to help prevent it if he'd wanted to so don't take all on yourself xxx

Original poster
emmaa1990 · 22/02/2022 13:03

@picklemewalnuts yes I agree I have really made it so much worse, I’m just such an over thinker and I have always avoided things. I am going to say I have done a test this afternoon and it’s positive- at least then he knows I know as I wouldn’t be able to act like I didn’t know if I done it with him anyway!! I’m not thinking straight I don’t think x

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Original poster
emmaa1990 · 22/02/2022 13:05

@Neenawneenaw76 yeah no it’s just one of my over thinking thoughts as that’s something I’d probably say to someone oh god have you missed your pill?
I thought the pill was really effective so I’m just in total shock this has happened but I need to man up and just say look I’ve done a test and it’s positive - I just don’t want to make any rash decisions xx

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Graphista · 22/02/2022 13:09

Do you have reason to be afraid rather than simply anxious about giving such big news?

Ok based on update you're catastrophising which happens hormones possibly contributing to your anxiety

Calm down, decide what you want to do with the pregnancy and then sit him down and tell him

It may not be the antibiotics do you take them same time every day? Also there is a failure rate with all contraception

My 1st pregnancy was unplanned on the pill at 18! After that I doubled up (it ended in mc) and only didn't use condoms and the pill when actively ttc

No contraception is 100% effective not even sterilisation methods

Stuff happens!

I reckon he'll be shocked and maybe a bit confused but I think/hope he'll be supportive of what you want.

Based on what you've said here

picklemewalnuts · 22/02/2022 13:10

Take a few breaths. Does it help to rememb here's nothing unusual about your situation? Lots of women (and men) have been through it. Just try and stay calm and think about positive planning.

I find it helps me, when I'm in a spin, to make actual concrete plans. It helps me feel more in control. So instead of thinking 'what if this... what if that....'
Think 'If this, then I will do x,y,z'. ' If that, then I will do a,b,c'. Etc.

Don't just flap. Gather information. Make lists. You don't need to make decisions, just clarify some options or make some pros and cons lists.
It helps clear the mind!

Original poster
emmaa1990 · 22/02/2022 13:12

@Graphista yeah I really do think it’s my hormones and I also just found out my dad has cancer so I have so many things on my mind, i isn’t feel scared as if he says absolutely not - I know I won’t want to do this alone and il have this to deal with and my dad.
I hope he’s happy - I really do, I think he’s going to be shocked like I am but I hope it works out and he’s supportive. X

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Original poster
emmaa1990 · 22/02/2022 13:14

@picklemewalnuts I am just going to txt him again saying I have a test I am going to do it - then just bite bullet and send a picture of the positive test!

Got to deal with it at some point - sooner rather than later! I’m going to get myself into a tight mess if I carry on like I am x

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