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Original poster

Unplanned pregnancy, I am so scared to tell my partner

353 replies

emmaa1990 · 21/02/2022 10:13

Hello,

I am on a pill which I have been taking, I was on 3 lots of antibiotics- could this be how I have fallen pregnant?
Anyway I am late for my period, so yesterday I did a test off my own back, and to my shock it was positive. I am so so scared as this is totally unplanned- I still haven’t told my boyfriend of two years, I am so scared of how he will react. What if he says absolutely not, or is angry at me?

Please can someone give me advice or calm me down! Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
emmaa1990 · 27/02/2022 09:04

Thank you ladies xxx♥️

OP posts:
diddl · 27/02/2022 12:49

"so I’m not sure I want to do this with ties to him"

I think that that's a good point.
It might be best for you-and your daughter- to be totally unconnected to him.

Original poster
emmaa1990 · 27/02/2022 13:10

@diddl do you think it’s really bad he doesn’t want this baby then? That I should be totally unconnected. I just don’t think he’s ready atm, and I don’t think me or my daughter are tho either xx

OP posts:

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Fluffycloudland77 · 27/02/2022 14:24

It’s likely it’s a baby with you he doesn’t want, when they want a relationship with you men are very focussed and driven.

Dh was with his ex for 22 years, she left, he met me and within weeks was talking marriage and kids. Men are very different to us. I’m older than you and I’ve seen some shitty behaviour over the years off men old enough to know better incl your situation more than once.

diddl · 27/02/2022 14:32

Idk, he seems to have had such a strong reaction.

You are in your 30s, together a couple of years, about to move in-should it be the big disaster he seems to have made it out to be?

whynotwhatknot · 27/02/2022 14:38

I think if youre not ready thats fine but youre relationsip is over he-he will think everything in your life is his decision and youve done as youre told

i doubt he really wants any children tbh

chiangmai · 27/02/2022 17:24

I had a similar situation with my now DH. We met when i had a 4yr old. He was great and things moved very quickly, i got pregnant in similar circumstances. It wasnt the right time, we hadnt even been living together and I wanted stability for my DS as he been through enough with his dad. So I did have an abortion. We did stay together and we now have three DC plus my DS. We had his first DC 3 yrs later.

Your BF reaction isnt great at all but only you will know the best way forward for you. Good Luck

chiangmai · 27/02/2022 18:19

i should add my now DH had a similar reaction to yours, he was very clear it was too soon. I was emotional but it was the right decision for us.

Calmdown14 · 28/02/2022 21:55

Sorry he was so awful to you.

The fact he hasn't seen you in person is shocking. Make the decision for you and your daughter. I do agree that a new baby and living arrangement would be a lot for your daughter at once.

Even if you have the baby and get back together, I'd be very wary of giving up your current arrangement to move in with him.

Men are so totally ignorant to women's fertility and the idea that this isn't the right time means there will be another opportunity and at whatever time they deem it suitable.

Whatever you decide you sound strong and a sensible parent..

Original poster
emmaa1990 · 01/03/2022 09:34

Oh he has seen me in person, he explained he didn’t have the best reaction as knows right now isn’t right time for us, as we aren’t settled together and don’t live together and his house will be a building site this year as redoing his whole house, as just bought it. He said of course he wants children with me, he said once settled we can, he did also say he would still stay with me if I decided to keep this baby, he just doesn’t think right now is right time.

I’m worrying now as some of you have said you think he wants a baby just not with me, I don’t think right now would of been right with anyone with him. I do think he loves me, but reading some of this has made me feel rubbish, but I guess we have had long conversations and I have to trust him?

He has reassured me he won’t leave me, he even said if that’s what you think of me then I question why you’d even be with me! Of course I won’t leave you and I do want this with you - but I’d rather us be settled beofre such a big decision.

OP posts:
Original poster
emmaa1990 · 01/03/2022 09:35

@chiangmai yeah sometimes it just isn’t the right time is it? Doesn’t mean they don’t want that with us, he told me he does and just not right now as would be a lot. Are you still with your partner? X

OP posts:
HappyGoLuckyLuLu · 01/03/2022 11:46

Good luck OP - only you know the dynamics and stability of your relationship and how this has all been. You need to be ok with him and the decision if you stay with him. Wishing you the very best x

Original poster
emmaa1990 · 01/03/2022 12:44

@HappyGoLuckyLuLu yes true I really do believe this isn’t the time for us, as I do want to be settled first too and I want my daughter to feel settled first aswell. Xx

OP posts:
Loki01 · 01/03/2022 17:19

[quote emmaa1990]@HappyGoLuckyLuLu yes true I really do believe this isn’t the time for us, as I do want to be settled first too and I want my daughter to feel settled first aswell. Xx[/quote]
Well he has done a good job at convincing you that his reaction was actually ok and it's in your best interest to get rid of this baby.

Pancakeorcrepe · 01/03/2022 17:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

HappyGoLuckyLuLu · 01/03/2022 17:47

@Pancakeorcrepe

Message deleted by MNHQ.
Meanwhile you sound pretty judgmental - it costs nothing to be kind and try to be constructive with advice, and if you can't say something nice maybe don't bother next time?
dogmandu · 01/03/2022 19:19

Meanwhile you sound pretty judgmental -

We are all judgemental whether we admit or not. We could not survive as a race were we to not make judgements every minute of every day. In this case, even if we did not make a judgement on whether to OP is immature or not, we would still make a judgement that until we know more background then we would not be able to make a decision. That is still a judgement.
We would have to be a robot to b e presented with facts and keep our minds blank of any thoughts about it.

HappyGoLuckyLuLu · 01/03/2022 20:13

Aye it's fine and true that everyone will come to their own judgement- it's another thing altogether to actively spout your judgement at someone in a negative way. We do always have choices in what we say or don't say.... and if we decide to present our opinion in a helpful constructive way or negatively in a critical way

RalphLaurenG · 01/03/2022 20:17

@Pancakeorcrepe

You sound incredibly immature in the way you communicate and you’ve dealt with all this, I can’t believe you have a six year old.

Jesus Christ! Why would you come and comment on a clearly emotional thread with rubbish like that?! Seriously, who does it help? How did you think that's acceptable?!

Fluffycloudland77 · 01/03/2022 20:19

Op's young, they communicate differently in each generation. My parents have probably never had an argument over text message like dh and I have.

dogmandu · 01/03/2022 20:28

@HappyGoLuckyLuLu

Aye it's fine and true that everyone will come to their own judgement- it's another thing altogether to actively spout your judgement at someone in a negative way. We do always have choices in what we say or don't say.... and if we decide to present our opinion in a helpful constructive way or negatively in a critical way
agree....
whynotwhatknot · 02/03/2022 21:39

Did you go ahead with appt op?

Bitconfusedhmm · 05/03/2022 00:22

Hope you’re ok @emmaa1990

Original poster
emmaa1990 · 05/03/2022 11:38

God I’d dread to have someone like you as a friend or a mother. Imagine someone saying this to your child in the future… or probably don’t even have a partner or child! Sad that someone would even make someone feel like that. Awful person. @Pancakeorcrepe

OP posts:
Original poster
emmaa1990 · 05/03/2022 11:40

Hey. Sorry stayed off here as some people just don’t have nice things to say, yeah everyone has their opinion but no one really knows me, or my situation really. Made me feel worse seeing some of these comments. I am going to stay off here now, how ever thank you to all the lovely people that made me feel supported. I did go ahead with my appointment and I know deep down I made the right choice for now. I feel sad but I know it was right for now as in future I’d want to feel happy and excited about this. Xx

OP posts: