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Original poster

Unplanned pregnancy, I am so scared to tell my partner

353 replies

emmaa1990 · 21/02/2022 10:13

Hello,

I am on a pill which I have been taking, I was on 3 lots of antibiotics- could this be how I have fallen pregnant?
Anyway I am late for my period, so yesterday I did a test off my own back, and to my shock it was positive. I am so so scared as this is totally unplanned- I still haven’t told my boyfriend of two years, I am so scared of how he will react. What if he says absolutely not, or is angry at me?

Please can someone give me advice or calm me down! Thank you

OP posts:
Babadook76 · 21/02/2022 11:39

@Briarshollow

I’m really surprised someone in their 30s didn’t know about ABs potentially messing with the contraceptive pill. It was absolutely drilled into me when I went on it as a teen and every time I was prescribed ABs.

Anyway, it’s done now. Good luck, OP.

Because it’s nonsense so it’s not spouted out anymore. The only antibiotic proven to affect birth control is rifampicin. So unless the op is being treated for tuberculosis then it wasn’t her antibiotics that caused this. No pill is 100% effective.
Ursusmajor · 21/02/2022 11:40

I have also been told by drs/pharmacists that modern antibiotics don’t affect the pill anymore and that it’s no longer considered necessary to use a 2nd contraception method while you’re taking them. (Mostly amoxicillin in my experience). OP bear in mind it may have nothing to do with antibiotics. The pill has a failure rate even with perfect use. You might be the 3/100 who get pregnant despite using the pill perfectly

CaMePlaitPas · 21/02/2022 11:50

I mean, you're 32, if it was going to happen anytime it'd be now. Do you want to have the baby? Your thoughts and feelings should override his in this situation, as men get to walk away and women don't.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1st trimester Families General pregnancy
Lsquiggles · 21/02/2022 11:51

Unless there's a backstory here I'm sure he won't accuse you of trying to orchestrate an 'unplanned' pregnancy! Apart from the initial shock, how do you feel? Is having a child what you want? Smile

tammyjess · 21/02/2022 12:08

@emmaa1990

Oh yeah I’m not scared of him at all, he’s lovely- I mean I am so scared of me telling him and being accused I’ve made it happen or something! I am making situations up in my head! Just scary thought of saying something so huge ! I am shocked so no doubt he will be very shocked!

I don’t even know what I want to do atm, I need to speak to him and see how he reacts and what he wants!

He doesn't sound particularly lovely...
Original poster
emmaa1990 · 21/02/2022 12:09

Well yeah I am just over thinking like omg he’s going to think I’ve missed my pill sort of thing!

He hasn’t replied to my message about my period but I know he gets really busy at work. Hopefully will speak to him in a while!

I have a 6 year old already from my previous relationship, so would be lovely for her to have a sibling however I am not sure it’s 100% right time!

I just want to know what he thinks! It’s so worrying. I’m just a bit gutted this wasn’t planned and would of been lovely to be happier about it!

OP posts:
cdba88 · 21/02/2022 12:11

It's never 100% the right time

Briarshollow · 21/02/2022 12:14

Because it’s nonsense so it’s not spouted out anymore. The only antibiotic proven to affect birth control is rifampicin. So unless the op is being treated for tuberculosis then it wasn’t her antibiotics that caused this. No pill is 100% effective.

I didn’t know that. I wonder why it failed, then? My doctor did tell me that a single missed pill is highly unlikely to make a difference as the hormone is already in your system. Several missed pills would though.

RosieLemonadeAndSugar · 21/02/2022 12:17

Just literally tell him. Soon as you speak to him, say 'You know I text about my missed period, well I did a test and its positive' and see what he says!

There is no need to be worried. Whatever happens, you will be fine, either way!

thecatsthecats · 21/02/2022 12:24

@Ursusmajor

There’s no rule that you must do this face to face. If you’d rather give him time to get over his initial disbelief you can text him. - tell him you were worried cause your period hasn’t started so you did a test and it’s positive. I’d send him a pic of the test during his lunch break at work.
If there was award for bad advice...

Yes. Dump the information that you're pregnant on your boyfriend in the middle of the working day. What could possibly be a head fuck about that? Men don't have feelings after all, do they?

Completely agree with other posters - and would add that you should tell him you're scared, panicked. He's human, and if he's a decent one he'll acknowledge that and comfort you, regardless of his own feelings.

Original poster
emmaa1990 · 21/02/2022 14:22

Thanks everyone. I hope it all goes ok and I’m overthinking all this worry!

Really appreciate you all writing back to me xx

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 21/02/2022 14:28

@Nadjathedoll

Didn't the GP tell you that the antibiotics would interfere with the pill? I thought they were supposed to tell women whenever they prescribed antibiotics!
They actually don’t interfere with the pill though What antibiotics can do is give you an upset stomach which means you don’t properly absorb the pill. It’s why the warnings these days tend to be around using another for, for birth control if you have had sickness or diarrhoea rather than antibiotics specifically. Sorry if off track OP and I hope things go well for you I just thought it was important to be clear for other ladies taking the pill who need antibiotics too
FairWindClearSailing · 21/02/2022 15:16

My friend got pregnant after antibiotics interfered with her pill, so it does happen.
He shouldn't be angry with you, that's the risk you take when you have sex and if he is, then he's being very unfair and cruel.

Be open, be honest but importantly, work out how YOU feel about it. That matters more than what he thinks.
Hope it all works out

USaYwHatNow · 21/02/2022 15:17

My husband and I decided to start trying for a baby a bit earlier than he originally wanted to because I have PCOS. Turns out the PCOS was NOT an issue and I fell pregnant the first cycle trying. I panicked, thinking he would think I'd planned it all and miraculously healed my PCOS overnight (I know, completely irrational!) but I completely get your nerves!

When I told him he was over the moon. Sadly that pregnancy ended in a miscarriage in October, but I'm now 10 weeks pregnant and he's as excited as ever.

I honestly think that if they're supportive, pretty laid back about life and you've already had 'the chat', they tend to surprise themselves as to how excited they are 😂

I'm sure he'll be just the same, I hope it goes well ❤️

Ursusmajor · 21/02/2022 16:20

@thecatsthecats
Not everyone processes things the same way. Some people prefer to have time to deal with new information without feeling put on the spot to give an immediate response. For some people, hearing some important/scary news then being able to put it at the back of their mind to mull over while continuing on with their normal day works well. OP will know if her bf is one of those people.

thecatsthecats · 21/02/2022 19:09

[quote Ursusmajor]@thecatsthecats
Not everyone processes things the same way. Some people prefer to have time to deal with new information without feeling put on the spot to give an immediate response. For some people, hearing some important/scary news then being able to put it at the back of their mind to mull over while continuing on with their normal day works well. OP will know if her bf is one of those people.[/quote]
Since it's the whole point of her query that she DOESN'T know how he'll react, I'd suggest that playing trial and error by dropping the news on him in the middle of the working day is a flat out terrible idea.

Ursusmajor · 21/02/2022 20:54

I’ll agree to disagree.

bubbletrouble18 · 22/02/2022 10:40

@emmaa1990 I hope things went ok and you're feeling a little clearer headed today?

All the best x

Original poster
emmaa1990 · 22/02/2022 10:49

Morning, ah I completely went to nothing, I couldn’t bring myself to say should I do a test!

I said to him look, I haven’t come on! All he said was ‘oh don’t worry you will’ … I have told myself today I am going to txt this afternoon and say ‘I still haven’t come on, I am going to purchase a test to be sure’

I’m so worried to tell him, as such a massive thing! I know I should of last night but just couldn’t! Xx

OP posts:
bubbletrouble18 · 22/02/2022 11:03

Yes, let him know you're concerned your period is late and that you're going to buy a pregnancy test. Let him then do the thinking.

May be a stupid suggestion and I might get shouted at by other posters, but could you do the test with him? So he's there with you and he can process it?

Original poster
emmaa1990 · 22/02/2022 11:20

Yes I have txt and said I still haven’t come on and he just replied with this 😳

I’ve left it there lol. He will be thinking I am now. So when he calls me il say I am going to buy a test

And I totally agree - I am going to do it with him - not alone! Xx

OP posts:
Roundeartheratchriatmas · 22/02/2022 11:38

I don’t understand why you’re lying about it.

You know you’re pregnant. Just tell him you’ve done a test.

Roundeartheratchriatmas · 22/02/2022 11:40

It’s obviously scary but I don’t think you’re achieving anything by pretending you don’t know yet.

If he works out you already knew won’t he feel blindsided ?

Original poster
emmaa1990 · 22/02/2022 11:57

@Roundeartheratchriatmas maybe you haven’t been in my situation so you don’t understand how it feels. I’m worried to tell him, and how he will take it, it’s not a lie- I am going to tell him
When I feel ready to

OP posts:
Thesearmsofmine · 22/02/2022 12:00

Just tell him, stop playing games.