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Original poster

Unplanned pregnancy, I am so scared to tell my partner

353 replies

emmaa1990 · 21/02/2022 10:13

Hello,

I am on a pill which I have been taking, I was on 3 lots of antibiotics- could this be how I have fallen pregnant?
Anyway I am late for my period, so yesterday I did a test off my own back, and to my shock it was positive. I am so so scared as this is totally unplanned- I still haven’t told my boyfriend of two years, I am so scared of how he will react. What if he says absolutely not, or is angry at me?

Please can someone give me advice or calm me down! Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
emmaa1990 · 23/02/2022 10:17

@wildthingsinthenight morning, I’m feeling pretty crap this morning, I told him last night and we went and got another test and it came up with the cross to say I was but he was like it’s quite faint - do another one tomorrow. So I got a digital one and it came up pregnant 2/3 weeks, so I rang him and told him- he was like ‘omg fuck off! Then said well how’s this happened? You must not have taken your pill?!’ I said I had and I really don’t know how it has happened, then he just said ‘well we can talk about this properly later on, how do you feel?’ So I said I don’t know really, and he said ok well don’t worry we can talk about it later.

I just got a feeling he’s going to say now isn’t the right time, i just didn’t get a good feeling about it xx

OP posts:
wildthingsinthenight · 23/02/2022 10:28

[quote emmaa1990]@wildthingsinthenight morning, I’m feeling pretty crap this morning, I told him last night and we went and got another test and it came up with the cross to say I was but he was like it’s quite faint - do another one tomorrow. So I got a digital one and it came up pregnant 2/3 weeks, so I rang him and told him- he was like ‘omg fuck off! Then said well how’s this happened? You must not have taken your pill?!’ I said I had and I really don’t know how it has happened, then he just said ‘well we can talk about this properly later on, how do you feel?’ So I said I don’t know really, and he said ok well don’t worry we can talk about it later.

I just got a feeling he’s going to say now isn’t the right time, i just didn’t get a good feeling about it xx[/quote]
Ah no I'm sorry to hear that.
Hopefully it's just the shock? He'll have had time to get used to it by this evening and may be a bit more rational.

I don't like the sound of him blaming you though. Giving him the benefit of the doubt that it was shock talking.

Sausagedogsarethebest · 23/02/2022 10:31

Feeling for you OP. Your partner is in shock right now. He probably was convincing himself you were late and wasn't expecting it to be positive. Give him time to come to terms with it and don't make any rash decisions based on the initial shock.

Also, don't allow him to make you feel it's your fault. Yes, the pill is supposed to be more than 99% effective, but - antibiotics aside (and you were taking 3 lots) - it can still fail. Some men just have very determined wigglers and it's not unheard of for women on the pill to get pregnant.

I hope he comes through for you and supports you with whatever decision you make. Flowers

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1st trimester Families General pregnancy
Original poster
emmaa1990 · 23/02/2022 10:32

@wildthingsinthenight I just knew I’d get blamed. I really don’t think he will want to go ahead with this. Just feel really crap about the whole thing, worse than I did!

OP posts:
bubbletrouble18 · 23/02/2022 10:32

I'm sorry OP, you just be feeling really anxious.

Let him have the day to think, he's probably in a bit of shock and is having a knee jerk reaction. Try and keep busy today and speak to him tonight once he's home from work. Remember, this is your decision for your body and future. If he doesn't want to be involved then that's his decision, it doesn't mean you should do anything.

I'm sure he's just a bit shocked as you were/are. But don't let him blame you, these things do happen x

Original poster
emmaa1990 · 23/02/2022 10:33

@Sausagedogsarethebest thank you ♥️
That’s why I’ve been so nervous I knew I’d get some sort of blame when I was taking my pill.
I just am so worried what he might suggest x

OP posts:
TibetanTerrah · 23/02/2022 10:35

Then said well how’s this happened? You must not have taken your pill?!

It's a bit worrying that his knee jerk reaction is to imply this is your fault, either by forgetting or 'forgetting' to take your pill.

Don't let him lay the blame at your door. It takes two to make a baby. I am a firm believer that everyone, man or woman, takes their own responsibility for contraception if they don't want sex to end in pregnancy. If I were a man and really didn't want this to happen, I would wear a condom as well as my gf being on the pill.

MintyGreenDream · 23/02/2022 10:35

What an absolute arsehole he is.I caught pregnant 3 months in and my now dh was shocked but pleased.Have the baby alone if you want to keep it don't let him coerce you into having an abortion.

Ursusmajor · 23/02/2022 10:55

Give him a day or two to think without pushing for a discussion. Pick one person in real life to confide in who won’t hold any decisions you have to make either way against you or your bf - a friend may be better than a family member. A sister may be a better choice than yourmum.
If bf suggests again it’s your fault tell him that you took the pill as you’re supposed to and you don’t know how it happened but there is a failure rate even when you take it perfectly. You should only have to explain this to him ONCE. Don’t entertain any further discussion on that line of thinking. You did not plan this. You are not attempting to ´trap him’. This is something that happens to thousands and thousands of women every year. Even half a percent adds up to a lot of women across a whole population’s worth of women who use the pill.
From your posts I get the feeling you’d really like your bf to be onboard and for you to have this baby and parent together. I hope that happens for you. If his reaction starts to mean that you’re considering an abortion, you should know that all the providers in the UK offer counseling. Calling up and organizing a counseling session to discuss options in no way means you will be put under any pressure to have a termination. It’s one good way to access accurate information and someone impartial to talk to.

dogmandu · 23/02/2022 11:01

If I were in the BF position I might have doubts myself.
If the woman is taking the pill, most people do not use condoms as well. I would have assumed it's safe.
The OP has said here that she wouldn't mind another child as a companion for her first child.

Having said the above, obviously the pill sometimes fails and this is not the fault of the woman alone.

It is not unknown for some women to just stop taking the pill in order to get pregnant even though they know their partner is against it.

I am not inferring that the OP has done any of these things but just for balance here it would be unrealistic to pretend that there are no possible reasons why her BF is having question marks in his mind.

just for clarity, I am not supporting the view above, just needs to be mentioned to get an idea of where he may be coming from.

Original poster
emmaa1990 · 23/02/2022 11:08

No I totally agree I get why he’s thinking that as I’ve even said that’s what I would think too! It’s just a obvious thing, but I have taken my pill that’s why I’m
Just so scared and shocked. As I did not plan this! I’m not even sure what I want to do, I feel upset I have the blame but he’s not me not to worry and will talk to me later today about it.

I don’t feel great about it but I didn’t anyway, I would hate for him to resent me or something if I wanted it and he didn’t! I’m just feeling very confused to be honest.

I am in total shock like he is, and I’m not even sure later on when we talk will be a good time to decide anyway! I really don’t know what he will say.

OP posts:
dogmandu · 23/02/2022 11:14

I would hate for him to resent me or something if I wanted it and he didn’t! I’m just feeling very confused to be honest.

I totally understand how you feel. I hope this works out Ok for you.

Calmdown14 · 23/02/2022 11:15

Think of it as a series of stages. You've done the 'did I forget, 'was it the antibiotics' stages.
He's still catching up.

Obviously if he fails to support you in the longer run you have to make your decisions accordingly but don't write him off just yet and put up barriers that can't come down again.

You are shell shocked and have been through this before. Just give it a little time to sink in for everyone.
Even a planned pregnancy comes with a degree of panic when it actually happens.

Try and take time for yourself to decide what you want in the various scenarios that could follow

Kimalexandra · 23/02/2022 11:24

Aw hope it works out for you x

Mammyloveswine · 23/02/2022 11:32

I had an unplanned pregnancy last year...i was terrified of telling my husband! (It was our 3rd!). As it happens we didnt continue with the pregnancy but i can totally get the stress and anxiety around being "blamed" when in reality no method of contraception is completely safe! So hes just as much "to blame" as you ie no one is to blame! Having sex can lead to pregnancy!

Im sure hes just shocked op, sending you big hugs! And whatever happens, remember it is your body and do not feel under pressure to make any decisions that are not your own.

Thanks
Original poster
emmaa1990 · 23/02/2022 11:44

Thanks ladies, ergh I feel crap not going to lie!

Such a rubbish situation to be in, so worried about talking to him later xx

OP posts:
Ursusmajor · 23/02/2022 11:56

This comes down to trust. You’ve told him what happened. You are one of the few who got pregnant despite taking the pill. He needs to get over his shock, trust that you’re telling the truth and then come back and have a proper discussion with you about what you’d both like to happen now.

Original poster
emmaa1990 · 23/02/2022 12:10

@Ursusmajor I hope he can trust I am telling the truth. I would hate for him to resent me or. Anything like that, il just have to see what conversations are had later on. X

OP posts:
ThreeLocusts · 23/02/2022 12:16

Hi OP, just to say good luck and to repeat PPs' point that you need to take time to sort out your own feelings about the pregnancy, as distinct from worrying about what your partner thinks.

I don't think that something has to be wrong with your relationship because you worry about his reaction, but maybe you're projecting? You seem much more focused on his reaction than your own. All the best.

Katela18 · 23/02/2022 12:19

Hi OP.

You've had so much great advice here already but I just wanted to stop by and say this was me 3 years ago!

I fell pregnant after 2.5 years with my partner and on the pill. His reaction was similar initially but he came around very quickly and was supportive and not in a 'whatever you want to do is fine' way but actively expressing his want for the baby. Your partner may just be very shocked, remember you are a few days ahead of him in terms of knowing and being able to process this. He has only just found out. Try not to jump to conclusions, although I know its so hard.

Wishing you all the best, we are now parents to a cheeky 2 year old DD and recently married. Really hope this all works out for you!

Gotmyprincecharming · 23/02/2022 12:20

There's no way he can put the blame on you..you done your bit by taking the pill everyday, as PP's have said, it has been known to happen that it's not 100% safe, surely everybody knows there's still a risk. He's a grown adult, I'm sure he knows how baby's are made and where the sperm has to come from!

Original poster
emmaa1990 · 23/02/2022 12:23

Thanks everyone, and yes I’ve always been that way- I always put what everyone else wants and needs before myself! I just am such a worrier.
I will let you all know what he says later on ♥️

OP posts:
LemonFanta123 · 23/02/2022 12:39

I hope everything works out for you, you sound really lovely with your head screwed on! I think he’ll still be in shock, just remember you’ve had an extra day or 2 to get your head around this! X

lovescaca · 23/02/2022 12:50

It's worrying that ur scared to tell ur partner that u pregnant.

irishfarmer · 23/02/2022 12:53

Well he knows and it's out there now. He is probably just in shock. We all think contraceptive is 100%, not sure if you watched friends, but the one with Ross freaking out when Rachel got pregnant and they used a condom springs to mind.

Contraceptive fails. It's a risk two consenting adults take when having sex. Hopefully when his shock subsides he will be able to think a bit clearer.