The title of your memoir is the last text you sent

[IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece]

Inspired by the ridiculousness of mine.

“There’s a pube on my bloody donut”

Oh sweet jesus

Gran exito!

'Big success' in Spanish. We've just come back from our town's comic con.

Text: small sausage and curry sauce for Rufus Jr

Whatsapp: Thats what Paul said

Crusty but not tough, very nice.

What do you want from Starbucks drive through?

Hmm, needs some work

I am going to get butt naked and chain myself to that pillar.

"Can I eat the rest of your cookie?"

You might feel better once you've eaten x

Text ‘Sadly no alcohol in the house!’
Messenger ‘we have light!’

Both very different memoirs.

Oh, actually, she does want more food

Invite will be handed in when booked and confirmed

On my way at last x

@Beachsidesunset

Can you put the cabbage on and take the chicken out?

A riveting read, obviously!

Aww, I read that and thought "how sweet, I wonder where they're taking the chicken to?". And then I realised that it's probably not a live chicken going on an outing . (In my defence, I am vegetarian!)

And my last text was "Hi pal, pizza next week?" which does seem quite a good title for my memoirs.

Ru-Paul's on Pant and Dick

Great, let's do that!

Haha mines great

‘Dramatic as ever’

I’m sorry but you have to be there. That’s the whole point of it x

Quite a good one for a memoir..

I Think I Got It In 4

Christ that sounds grim!

"Seems harsh"

Actually not bad.

I just sent another

“I’ve got 5 episodes of Greys to watch and a pubey doughnut to eat so I’m set here babes”

I can see it on the shelves in waterstones

Call me when you've finished and I'll pick you up.

Unpaid taxi driver, chef, housemaid and PA. Thats pretty much my life!

There are definitely some excellent ones here!

Well he's sans balls now of course.

"I find it offensive!"

I quite like it!