The title of your memoir is the last text you sent

[IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece]

Inspired by the ridiculousness of mine.

“There’s a pube on my bloody donut”

This bloody bus is always late 😂

I tell you, I’m sensing bestsellers on a lot of these

"We haven't had a good bum in ages"

(not what it sounds AT ALL

"I'm going for a nap"

"Yes he is planning to come"

WIN

Mine would just be the sad face emoticon

Feels about right!

@ApplesinmyPocket

"We haven't had a good bum in ages"

(not what it sounds AT ALL

Sounds like a sequel to mine

Dancing in my kitchen to Rod Stewart is good cardio right?

Can you put the cabbage on and take the chicken out?

A riveting read, obviously!

Can I have a cup of tea please?
It's apt.

I came to tell you but you wouldn't wake up .

Oh dear mine was

"here's one for the wank Bank"

I'm outside dying for a wee

I'll meet you at some point.

Knowing my luck they’d end up choking!

Oh lordy has the storm passed now- has it all come back on?

Apt really.

Still fucking raining

WhatsApp message very boring.

Actual text message slightly more memoir title worthy

"Love you and take all the painkillers they offer" (to a post op relative!)

You could kneecap him with your cello

‘Pot Plant or Similar’ a tale of life attempting to keep vegetation alive against all odds

"Blinding sun"

@ApplesinmyPocket

"We haven't had a good bum in ages"

(not what it sounds AT ALL

Well what does it mean?

Shall I look in the wash basket and check what size her trousers are?

trying to buy a present and can't quite work out what size

"100% unattractive" 😂😂😂