The title of your memoir is the last text you sent

[IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece]

Inspired by the ridiculousness of mine.

“There’s a pube on my bloody donut”

I'm now crying on a bench

"The clocks are going forward, so it's important we don't fuck this one up!"

"they've arrested her on suspicion of supplying class A drugs"

More appropriate as the title of the memoir of the neighbour in question rather than mine!

"Oh, and a present turned up for you today..."
That makes my life sound so much more jolly and fun than it actually is.

A decent pizza 🍕

@catandbabymama

"Did I turn the hob off??" Pretty apt

This one did actually make me snortle 😂 I think a lot of us can relate to that one, and could be a very apt title!

One more load to drop in Littleport then I'll be home.

"Would be wasted on me. Just a posh place to be anxious in!"

How did it go?

I sprained my wrist so now I can’t come.

(Bailing out of a night at the local climbing wall, not after a day of frenetic wanking).

That's a fucking huge gin!

Yes I thought that lol

"Not me 😆"

"Cup of Tea?"

A perfect title for my memoirs

The crocodiles were fierce.

I'm trapped can you put the oven on

DD just told me she needs a wee & a poo

That was quite a crash, bang, whallop

I have new sunglasses and bras!!!

Wow

Not quite the word I'd use to describe my life.

5 minutes until modroc time...

“We’ve headed to Granny’s for a drink”….heartfelt and true!

Now timo has just scored

Anything else?

The last text I received was one from my friend who's a successful writer of erotic fiction. It was "Ladies love smut" - she's just hit the kindle charts with her new book.