The title of your memoir is the last text you sent

[IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece]

Inspired by the ridiculousness of mine.

“There’s a pube on my bloody donut”

He says ‘oooo, big!’

Pick up your phone

Phone me when you can, I want to hear all about it xx 😘

Sorry for interrupting you

Slenderman.

My son sent me a photo of his silhouette on his way home last night. It definitely doesn't refer to my body or sex

She was running 30 minutes late yesterday

He cried all the way to school.

Making sure no one’s looking over my shoulder.

Actually that one works rather well!

'Spoons at Heathrow with a full English and a pint.

Please ignore me!

Party Pooper.

Were you not wearing enough layers?

'he usually perks up quite quickly'

"Nah, I'll stay out".

Cryptic, but sort of appropriate, actually.

Ah, some real crackers here!

My last one was to my sister ‘If it’s not capitalism it’s the fucking patriarchy’

I'm in shorts and a t-shirt

@ClitorisAllsorts

Ah, some real crackers here!

My last one was to my sister ‘If it’s not capitalism it’s the fucking patriarchy’

That's a great one!

I've found a Lambchops knitting pattern.

No more pies! :-((( bloody Brexit

Do you want me to bring the paper?

It's more a cat play therapist that's needed.

"Yup!"

Sorry, can't make it .....

Very appropriate ....

I've just scoffed a CurlyWurly

We'll decide tonight