The title of your memoir is the last text you sent

[IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece]

Inspired by the ridiculousness of mine.

“There’s a pube on my bloody donut”

Crisps.

No problem x

Not very inspiring (reply to mum whose Mother's Day plant had arrived and she had thanked me)

Thanks for the update. X

"I Missed My Window. Everything Cancelled"

Very dramatic!

"I got you some adidas shorts size L in TK Maxx"

"I have the floats, got a table"

I am an evil genus
Dads pulled his back out and refused to let me rub deep heat into his crack so I popped about 15 blackheads which left holes in his skin and rubbed it into them instead
Serves him right for saying I look middle aged!
Love you xxx

I'm going in Aldi, looking for ketchup

Ahaha

“You jinxed it”

I sent my DH a photo of the mess he left the toilet in followed my 3 fist punching emojis …. Don’t worry I don’t actually punch him

Put find my phone on

"Thanks, you've kind of cheered me up"

'How are the Covid symptoms?'

Let me know when you’re leaving…

That muck on the door handle is a combination of Sahara sand and rain coming through the roof.

Argh. Phone if you can.

No problem

“It was the closest I could get”

Sounds oddly fitting in memoir context!

Home at 9pm give or take.

He's only got a cold!!!

No worries, I'll try moving them tomorrow now!

Kaffee?

'Have you got D & D tonight?' - sent to my 16 year old ds at school yesterday.