The title of your memoir is the last text you sent

[IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece]

Inspired by the ridiculousness of mine.

“There’s a pube on my bloody donut”

@Nocaloriesinchocolate

Seven inches to the right is sensible

I'd read it

If you’re not ready at 1 you can hitchhike there

Reader - he wasn’t ready and of course I took him.

The traffic gets busy at 8

If I ever write a memoir I shall be sure to use this as the tittle.

Text - is that good or bad?

WhatsApp - x

Can't see much mileage in either of those 😀

‘Lazy Shits!’

The new postman is hot

(He really is)

I'm on my way to Save Lives!

Great thread ! Mine....

Heaven. A glass of wine and a new book.

( which is, strangely, how most people will remember me when I die !! )

All I can think about is hotdogs 🤤

It's a geriatric ward, yes.

Cool

I'm out of shits to give for today

Very fitting

Ewe has started lambing
Memoir with a rather niche market

Yes I'm nearly ready!

What's your eta.. I'm horny as hell!

Can I book my next midwife appointment?

Sounds about right as I feel like I’ve been pregnant for at least half of my life.

"I don't seem to get fevers."

At least it's not a bollocking

‘I don’t remember writing this.’

I was in A and E with a concussion.

“Are you going to school after dentist or before?”

…And other parenting fails

He weed on the floor and I've stepped in it, so I need new tights

All being well, I'll be there at 6.

I've paused Pointless

(Yes, my life is that sad)

"I Can't find any regulators, bastards"