When did weddings stop being family occasions?

[Quackpot]

Just that really. Child free weddings are boring

@Beachbreak2411

I don’t get the divide between child weddings and child free weddings. Have your friends and family attend.. whatever the age! Some child free weddings just seem greedy to me.. they maximise the potential presents given.. instead of a child taking up a seat they invite an adult (however tenuously related) just to get another present. (My bro and sis in law didn’t allow children.. including family.. but invited random people they barely knew as wanted more money / presents given). If I ever get married the people that matter to me.. and their children.. will be there.

@Beachbreak2411 How sad that that is where your head is at, that you are so cynical about people not inviting your precious children that you automatically assume it is about presents. Whether people attend with children or without, they still give a present/money, so your point makes no actual sense.

People don't invite children because weddings and children don't mix. They are not child-friendly events. And children cry, scream, run about, etc. It's not about presents - that you think it is says so much more about you and where your priorities are.

That's quite a weird way of looking at it. No children=more presents? I don't think that's a normal way of thinking.

No children=being able to say vows/have speeches without screechy bored children spoiling those moments, and adults being able to have a stress free time of it.

That is a very odd way to look at it less kids = more gifts

If you were to look at it that coldly you'd view it as £75 per head for adult verses £25 per child.
So family of 4 = (2×75)+(2×25) = £200
Two couples would be (2×75)+(2×75) = £300
Are the two gifts from the couple going to cover the extra cost of £100?

(I'm sure i was about £70 per adult but i don't think the kids were as must as £25 used the above figures to make my sums easier)

@Beachbreak2411

I don’t get the divide between child weddings and child free weddings. Have your friends and family attend.. whatever the age! Some child free weddings just seem greedy to me.. they maximise the potential presents given.. instead of a child taking up a seat they invite an adult (however tenuously related) just to get another present. (My bro and sis in law didn’t allow children.. including family.. but invited random people they barely knew as wanted more money / presents given). If I ever get married the people that matter to me.. and their children.. will be there.

Your brother may be that greedy, but I don't think most couples are

Within our budget, we could only afford relatively small venues. There were a lot more people who matter to us than we could invite. As family were coming from abroad, we did allow children. But inviting children, some of whom we didn't know very well, meant we couldn't invite as many adults as we wanted - adults who really matter to us, not adults who would give us money!

If I suggested to my children that ‘we come as one’ they’d look at me like I had two heads. Admittedly they aren’t newborns. Obvs.

They're probably limited on guest numbers, so it's a case of having two people rather than five if you're bringing your three kids. So I'd say it's as weddings have got more expensive and higher expectations.

The thought of feral children running round in a pack at my wedding is exactly why I wouldn't invite them again. Why do you think that's cute or fun? It's not.

@mariotime it's not about being cute or fun, it's about a big family occasion when as many of the members of the family, plus friends, are expected to be there. I would've got grief if I'd left DS at home!

The children sat through all the religious bits (and on one or two weddings were drafted into bits of the ceremony) and just hung out together for the reception, eating from the buffet what the adults ate, and having fun together.

And these were loooooong weddings!

@ArcheryAnnie

The thought of feral children running round in a pack at my wedding is exactly why I wouldn't invite them again. Why do you think that's cute or fun? It's not.

@mariotime it's not about being cute or fun, it's about a big family occasion when as many of the members of the family, plus friends, are expected to be there. I would've got grief if I'd left DS at home!

The children sat through all the religious bits (and on one or two weddings were drafted into bits of the ceremony) and just hung out together for the reception, eating from the buffet what the adults ate, and having fun together.

And these were loooooong weddings!

@ArcheryAnnie But it's not a family occasion at the local park, it is a wedding, a formal ceremony. For adults. Expecting children to be happy on a loooooong wedding is selfish of you and shows you don't put the interests of children first. No child likes a long wedding. It's so selfish of you and shows you don't remember what it was like to be a child.

@LowlandLucky

Quackpot in answer to your question they stopped when it all became about the wedding and not the marriage. These days it is all about show and the Bride being a brat Princess for the day. Couples are now more invested in the "day" than they are in their life long commitment to each other. The bigger the wedding bill the quicker the divorce.

Agree. The fanciest weddings I went to resulted in the shortest marriages.

One of my Managers had a 3 week wedding in Mexico in June and was separated by Christmas.

I always think deliberately child free weddings are a shame. I've known drunk aunts, viscous parents and immature best men spoil weddings, but never kids.

But I think the lack of kids is probably down to the move away from it being a rite of passage from the carefree years of youth into the responsibilities of family life. Weddings are much more a party for the couple's friends and less a way for the couple to be introduced as a new pillar in the community. Couples have often already started their families before they wed and many of their friends will have too. It used to be that the children invited would be nieces, nephews and cousins who would already know many of the guests and who could be reigned in, if necessary, by any of their many relatives, all of whom have some idea about the child and the child's parents. But if half your 30 something friends from Uni have a couple of kids each you suddenly have a small swarm of kids who know only their parents (who often have much more diverse views on child rearing). And that makes for a very different dynamic that isn't really as "family event" as the idea of inviting all guests' kids sounds.

*Vicious. (Nothing fluid about them!)

I think that weddings changed due to a few factors.

One is they stopped being community based - instead it's "this is my day" which is a relatively new thing.

When weddings were in churches in the past normally any parishioner could attend, so there were some different expectations around that.

Often now the people have been living together for some time, they might even have kids. It's more of a fun party than a wedding in the traditional sense.

People spending very large amounts of money compared to their income.

People being influenced by consumerist ideas of what a wedding should look like.

it is a wedding, a formal ceremony. For adults. Expecting children to be happy on a loooooong wedding is selfish of you and shows you don't put the interests of children first. No child likes a long wedding.

@Migrainesbythedozen most of the weddings I've been to are family events, not "adult" events. Maybe you just haven't been to a fun family wedding. The weddings I've been to are big occasions, where the entire family is expected to be there, and children are invited, wanted, expected, and would be missed if they didn't come. And the kids do enjoy it - it's a special occasion, they get to dress up, eat lovely food, run around with their cousins, dance at the reception. I would have been acting selfishly on all counts if I'd left my son at home. (And you sound very angry. What's with that?)

"I would have been acting selfishly on all counts if I'd left my son at home".
I leave my sons at home when I go to weddings. Is that selfish if me?

If the bride and groom don't want your kids there, and the kids themselves don't want to go, then no, surreygirl, you aren't being selfish.

I had been accused of heing selfish for taking my kid to weddings where he was wanted, invited and expected, and to which he wanted to go!

Child free weddings are boring

That's just your opinion. As this thread shows, a lot of folk don't agree.
Child free weddings mean you can relax, spend time with your partner, your friends, you can be an adult fir a couple of hours.

When I was last at a wedding with my children one of my toddlers almost knocked over the cake, cried during the ceremony and got sticky fingers over my bridesmaid dress.
When my child was a small baby I couldn't go into the reception room to watch the first dance because my baby screamed as the noise was too loud, and I was so shattered at trying to hold it all together that I ended up in bed by 9. Not fun. Not to be repeated.