When did weddings stop being family occasions?

[Quackpot]

Just that really. Child free weddings are boring

I didn’t want kids at my wedding. I don’t like the screatching/running around/everyone having to leave early.

Not everyone loves kids!

I loved having my nieces and nephews and my cousin's kids at my wedding, we had a very relaxed reception it in a village hall which opened on to a lovely green space, they just ran about out there for most of the afternoon! We were lucky with the weather.
It would've seemed odd to me to not invite them.

Child free weddings became more popular when people stopped teaching their children how to behave in church. The reason mine was child free was we went to two family events where children ran wild.

Wrote this and fell asleep 😂 sorry 😂

I just always remember really enjoying weddings as a child, always a quick ceremony then a big party in a function room in the local pub or wmc, with a disco and party games and a buffet for everyone. Whole family events.

Nearly every wedding I've ever been to has been like this, bar a couple.

So much more enjoyable as a guest than stiff hotel weddings where you spend most of it waiting around, wishing you were at home with your kids.

It only seems to be on Mumsnet I see people complain about kids at weddings, I was reading a thread last night that made me wonder.

As for cost, when we got married, we spent just under 7k in total from start to finish. All family and friends invited, guest list of 220. We were also restricted on locations as they needed to be wheelchair accessible and on public transport routes. You cant mean to tell me these stiff child free weddings with 3 course dinners come in at cheaper that that 🤣

@Quackpot

Wrote this and fell asleep 😂 sorry 😂

I just always remember really enjoying weddings as a child, always a quick ceremony then a big party in a function room in the local pub or wmc, with a disco and party games and a buffet for everyone. Whole family events.

Nearly every wedding I've ever been to has been like this, bar a couple.

So much more enjoyable as a guest than stiff hotel weddings where you spend most of it waiting around, wishing you were at home with your kids.

It only seems to be on Mumsnet I see people complain about kids at weddings, I was reading a thread last night that made me wonder.

As for cost, when we got married, we spent just under 7k in total from start to finish. All family and friends invited, guest list of 220. We were also restricted on locations as they needed to be wheelchair accessible and on public transport routes. You cant mean to tell me these stiff child free weddings with 3 course dinners come in at cheaper that that 🤣

And how many years ago was that?

@Imdonna

Love that people talk about weddings bej g performative, I agree to a certain extent. Some weddings are, but if the people who are paying for it want that, they can crack imo.

But let's not pretend alot of the parents who are desperate for their kids to attend everything are not driven by the same. They want their kids, cooed over in their lovely outfits. They see it as a chance for their kids to see relatives, that the parents don't really think are important enough to actually visit, ever. They have this vision of their kids on the dance floor with everyone being in awe of the child's presence and attempts at dancing. They want comments on how well behaved their little one has been. They imagine to have plenty of the focus on their kids.

Imagine thinking an event won't be any fun unless your own little darling attends.

You are bang on with this comment. I’ve seen posts on here and another site with outraged mums or, weirdly, nanas stamping their feet because 3 year old Molly isn’t invited and they know for a FACT that all their relatives will be devastated she isn’t invited and Molly herself, although only 3, will be devastated and won’t understand why she can’t wear her pretties and be a flower girl etc. and they can’t believe how selfish the bride and groom are being… to deny them a chance of showing off Molly to distant family and friends. Throw and finance your own Molly party for all your family and friends if that’s what you want.

I didn’t go to a child free wedding until my DS was 8. I remember feeling really hurt as I hadn’t even heard of a child free wedding until then and it was my BIL getting married.
When I grew up weddings were very much for the whole family, I have lovely memories of being a bridesmaid twice as a DC.

How ridiculous. I have kids myself but I MUCH prefer childfree weddings. And why do childfree weddings have to be 'stiff'? Is nobody capable of enjoying themselves without children around? How odd. We had a completely child-free wedding and it was SO much fun and not 'stiff' in the slightest (I don't think you could call a wedding where we're paddling in the sea and toasting marshmallows on a beach bonfire 'stiff').

We got married three years ago. The only children who came were my cousin's three year old, and my friend's six week old twins (they left after the drinks reception and I was both delighted and impressed that they managed to attend at all!).

We were limited to 96 people and had already struggled to trim the guest list down; if we'd invited friends' children then we wouldn't have been able to invite people we actually wanted to share the day with.

I hate weddings full stop. Especially ones with children.

Interesting though that the weddings you describe @Quackpot seem to be all about the party and just a quick ceremony. And with 200 guests how much time did you spend with each guest.

We had a small wedding, child free. Ceremony then food, no party. We were able to sit down and have long chats with every single one of our guests.

@ehb102 I think you may have hit the nail on the head. Though it's not just in church where some children have not been taught how to behave appropriately.

Cultural and social changes. Many couples have been living together for some years and have a wide and sizeable circle of friends whom they’d prioritise over Cousin Lisa’s kids if numbers are an issue. They’re probably paying for the wedding themselves so feel no obligation to duty-invite relatives or their kids.

I don’t see why the presence of children would make a wedding more (or less) boring tbh. It’s the standing around in between events at marathon weddings that is boring, irrespective of the guests.

So much more enjoyable as a guest than stiff hotel weddings where you spend most of it waiting around, wishing you were at home with your kids.

But I don’t spend my time wishing I was at home with my kids. I love spending a rare weekend with my DH without being ‘mummy’, catching up with friends I haven’t seen for ages and having a great time.

Attending a child free wedding and enjoying it doesn’t mean I dislike my children.

I think weddings are boring for children. It’s a long day and they have to sit still for a considerable part of it.

I think weddings should be what the bride and groom want them to be. Love kids and want them running about looking cute? Great. Don't want them there for day/evening/whatever? Great, also their choice.

If people cannot/feel unable to leave their DC for one day, then they can't go to the wedding, their choice. Personally I love a child free wedding - night in a hotel with DH and a relaxed breakfast the next day, but each to their own.

It's not complicated. But also impossible to please everyone, all of the time.

@Ozanj

Far too many couples nowdays have champagne tastes and a cider budget which is why. Weddings have gone from being family celebrations about young couples beginning their life together to parties for 30+ year olds, who are already living together and may have had a few kids too. Even the honeymoon / wedding night no longer has a point any more.

I know what you mean. Back in the days when people weren’t already living together, weddings had an emotional charge which is lacking today. They were really about the couple starting a completely new life together.

As for cost, when we got married, we spent just under 7k in total from start to finish. All family and friends invited, guest list of 220.

If anyone knows how to host a wedding at £31.81 per person these days then hats off to them. Most catering costs more than that without any of the other bits like venue, photographer, flowers, invitations etc

Why are they??

I don’t mind either way, and can see the charm of having kids running around. But, as an adult you don’t really interact with them, and if I was paying I might think it was a but pointless.

@Quackpot

Wrote this and fell asleep 😂 sorry 😂

I just always remember really enjoying weddings as a child, always a quick ceremony then a big party in a function room in the local pub or wmc, with a disco and party games and a buffet for everyone. Whole family events.

Nearly every wedding I've ever been to has been like this, bar a couple.

So much more enjoyable as a guest than stiff hotel weddings where you spend most of it waiting around, wishing you were at home with your kids.

It only seems to be on Mumsnet I see people complain about kids at weddings, I was reading a thread last night that made me wonder.

As for cost, when we got married, we spent just under 7k in total from start to finish. All family and friends invited, guest list of 220. We were also restricted on locations as they needed to be wheelchair accessible and on public transport routes. You cant mean to tell me these stiff child free weddings with 3 course dinners come in at cheaper that that 🤣

If you’ve never been to child free weddings why are you complaining about them?? They aren’t stiff just adult orientated.

Our wedding in 1990, traditional church wedding cost about £1750. Including honeymoon. That’s about £3.5k in today’s money which would barely cover the dress these days.

@LittleGungHo

When it was over £70 per plate and people started getting married later so some friends have tonnes of kids by the time others get married.

Bride and Grooms choice, other than babe in arms.

Exactly this.

We got married in our mid-thirties and had children at our wedding (nieces and nephews) but our friends had 34 children between them so it had to be a blanket ban (apart from one newborn). We didn't have a massively extravagant wedding though so it was more a space issue than a cost issue in our case.

I only went to one wedding as a child as a bridesmaid for my much older sister.

@Quackpot

Wrote this and fell asleep 😂 sorry 😂

I just always remember really enjoying weddings as a child, always a quick ceremony then a big party in a function room in the local pub or wmc, with a disco and party games and a buffet for everyone. Whole family events.

Nearly every wedding I've ever been to has been like this, bar a couple.

So much more enjoyable as a guest than stiff hotel weddings where you spend most of it waiting around, wishing you were at home with your kids.

It only seems to be on Mumsnet I see people complain about kids at weddings, I was reading a thread last night that made me wonder.

As for cost, when we got married, we spent just under 7k in total from start to finish. All family and friends invited, guest list of 220. We were also restricted on locations as they needed to be wheelchair accessible and on public transport routes. You cant mean to tell me these stiff child free weddings with 3 course dinners come in at cheaper that that 🤣

You would struggle to do any sort of wedding for 220 on 7k. Especially once you factor in Brides outfit, bridesmaids, Groom, grooms men, flowers etc. Even if you go for cost effective options.

You find that sort of wedding more enjoyable. Doesn't mean everyone has to. I have been to allsorts of weddings, all have been great. Including hotel ones without kids.

I still don't understand why, a wedding being fun hinges on wether kids are there or not?

And most parents don't spent any all children time, wishing they were home with their kids. Plenty of us can have a good time without our kids. We love out kids and have a good time with them. But we can also have a good time without it revolving round the kids.

Do you really only ever enjoy something if kids are present?

Depends if you like adult only occasions? I love child free weddings! Love to dress up, drink and socialise.

I just always remember really enjoying weddings as a child, always a quick ceremony then a big party in a function room in the local pub or wmc, with a disco and party games and a buffet for everyone. Whole family events

As for cost, when we got married, we spent just under 7k in total from start to finish. All family and friends invited, guest list of 220. We were also restricted on locations as they needed to be wheelchair accessible and on public transport routes. You cant mean to tell me these stiff child free weddings with 3 course dinners come in at cheaper that that

I’m glad you enjoyed your wedding. I loved mine. They were different, but we both gad the wedding we wanted. How lovely.