When did weddings stop being family occasions?

[Quackpot]

Just that really. Child free weddings are boring

When other people’s badly behaved kids started ruining them.

I think it's sad when close family children aren't invited but then some people are not close to thier families! MN definitely show how many people really don't like thier siblings and in laws so it's not really a surprise they have child free weddings.
My niece's and nephew were a big part of my wedding, I can't imagine not having them at a big family occasion like that. Especially as people marry later I think a wedding is a joining of families- formally saying that you take your partner's family as your own.

Why are people insisting on equating child free weddings to not liking your family or being a child hater? It's ridiculous.

These people are not listening to the arguments made around cost, numbers and most importantly, choice!

I also think that a blanket ban is far less divisive than allowing some kids based on closeness of relationship. Imagine the outrage of turning up after paying for babysitters and finding 15 other kids there.

@mariotime

Why are people insisting on equating child free weddings to not liking your family or being a child hater? It's ridiculous.

These people are not listening to the arguments made around cost, numbers and most importantly, choice!

I also think that a blanket ban is far less divisive than allowing some kids based on closeness of relationship. Imagine the outrage of turning up after paying for babysitters and finding 15 other kids there.

I'm sure you made a post about feral children running around a few hours ago on this very thread. That'll be why.

My daughter didn't have children at her wedding as we've been to too many where they were spoiled by badly behaved children. At the end of the day, it's the couple's choice.

* When other people’s badly behaved kids started ruining them.*

The only ruined weddings I have seen or heard have been caused by drunk adults

I understand a child free wedding from a financial or capacity perspective, eg kids taking places where it would prevent close friends being able to go.

I understand some people just prefer adults only events. Kids are noisy and annoying and messy and change the dynamic.

I also like full on family weddings with all the children and have lots of memories as a child myself of being at family weddings.

It's a personal choice.

What I can't understand is those couples who are so strict and het up about it that they would uninvite someone because they have a newborn baby, or someone who for whatever reason does not have access to child care and otherwise can't go. Then have the gall to moan about guests not being able to attend. It's just a bit cold and mean spirited if there wouldn't be any impact other than them not wanting kids there.

I think children can ruin weddings tbh, I’ve been to a few weddings where screaming kids ruined the entire ceremony, it’s literally all you could hear, even when some of them were taken outside you could hear the screaming through the door and it was really distracting and ruined the atmosphere. So I don’t blame people for having child free weddings, if a child was crying throughout my entire ceremony I would be devastated, if you’re paying it’s your choice, if people don’t like it they won’t come.

@chiickenandchiips

I understand a child free wedding from a financial or capacity perspective, eg kids taking places where it would prevent close friends being able to go.

I understand some people just prefer adults only events. Kids are noisy and annoying and messy and change the dynamic.

I also like full on family weddings with all the children and have lots of memories as a child myself of being at family weddings.

It's a personal choice.

What I can't understand is those couples who are so strict and het up about it that they would uninvite someone because they have a newborn baby, or someone who for whatever reason does not have access to child care and otherwise can't go. Then have the gall to moan about guests not being able to attend. It's just a bit cold and mean spirited if there wouldn't be any impact other than them not wanting kids there.

Sometimes making exceptions for no childcare can be a minefield itself. Not inviting As kid but inviting Bs because B has no childcare A gets upset because they bent over backwards to get a babysitter, or A declined the invite with just a sorry can't make it and then you used As space to invite Bs kids.

Talking about banging your head of a brickwall and trying to be 'fair'.

If I was to do it again I'd go adult only and young attendants.

Quackpot in answer to your question they stopped when it all became about the wedding and not the marriage. These days it is all about show and the Bride being a brat Princess for the day. Couples are now more invested in the "day" than they are in their life long commitment to each other. The bigger the wedding bill the quicker the divorce.

You sound very bitter @LowlandLucky The wedding is about what the couple want and how they choose to start their married life. People like you are why I decided it would be easier to go away and get married just the two of us. I couldn't face the thought of forking out thousands of pounds of my money only to have guests like you whinging because it's not what they wanted in a wedding.

@HumunaHey yes in reply to someone saying they loved their children running around with their cousins. It's a wedding not a playground.

@LowlandLucky

Quackpot in answer to your question they stopped when it all became about the wedding and not the marriage. These days it is all about show and the Bride being a brat Princess for the day. Couples are now more invested in the "day" than they are in their life long commitment to each other. The bigger the wedding bill the quicker the divorce.

My god, what an awful view of people you have. It's sad.

there is no use in denying that weddings and expectation of them have changed quite dramatically over the last few decades. When I was a child a wedding was the chance for the 2 sides of the new family to meet each, for relatives to catch up with each other, for children to be introduced to older family members etc - weddings themselves generally fairly simple affairs, church/registry office, then off to the venue for food, speeches and dancing. There were no
'themes', wedding presents were pretty much household goods that the couple had asked for. In short they were simple, far more affordable and very much family occasions.

I do kind of agree with @LowlandLucky, for some time I worked in bridal retail, I could spend hours telling you all about the spoilt princesses I came across and their ridiculous demands, weddings are now all about showing off and money, its a shame that family and the meaning of uniting 2 families is no longer important.

As a guest I don't want to take my kids. It's a great excuse for me and DH to have nice adult night out.

Unless the B & G are very close family.

You're free to have them at your wedding. I personally don't like them and to me, children "don't make a wedding"

I'm really confused about the 'uniting two families' thing. Isn't it about uniting a couple? That's a lot of expectation beyond that.

Surely sometimes the two families bond and sometimes they see each other at the odd birthday or christening?

FloBot7what on earth have i got to be bitter about ? What a couple want is up to them but i won't spend a fortune to attend a wedding where i and other guests stand around for hours bored to tears because the Bride and Groom have to have disney photos taken or cough up money to go abroad so a couple can feel like they are zelebs getting married on a beach. I find spending 25k+ on a wedding obscene.

@LowlandLucky

FloBot7what on earth have i got to be bitter about ? What a couple want is up to them but i won't spend a fortune to attend a wedding where i and other guests stand around for hours bored to tears because the Bride and Groom have to have disney photos taken or cough up money to go abroad so a couple can feel like they are zelebs getting married on a beach. I find spending 25k+ on a wedding obscene.

I've never been to the type of wedding you describe and I don't know anyone who wants to spend £25k on a wedding. But I do know plenty of couples who have tried to do something nice but affordable and had guests complaining because their DC weren't invited. I don't see what's wrong with prioritising other parts of the day (better food or drinks or a photographer) over children who usually don't really want to be there anyway.

They haven’t if your Albanian

A lot of you must have really dull friends and family if you are always so bored. I have been to plenty of weddings and always enjoyed myself, there was one ceremony ruined by a "wise cracking" 4yo though..
I actually do like family kids at weddings but only because my extended family is close so i know the children well on the whole, im going to 3 x weddings this year, DC are coming to 2x of them, obviously the third would be made infinitely better with my DC's sparkiling wit and charm though.

The world has moved on from 1970, we are now are more likely to move for work so our social circles are people of our choosing, not the local village.

I love weddings, i think i have missed my calling as a wedding planner 🤣

25K is quits cheap fod a wedding round her. It's fairly common for them to cost around 40K

Ridiculous but then I do live in an area where a lot of people have more money than sense.

@mariotime, when marriage was 'invented' it was only about uniting families, it was about two people being put together by parents to share wealth, expand land etc, I'm not sure to what extent children played a part in the marriage ceremony at that time, so much child mortatilty then played a huge part in the decision to marry or not, inheritance was a huge issue.

I don’t think I’ve ever been to a wedding where I’ve been bored, when I was single, married or with kids.

Mainly cos a) I like or love the couple getting married, or b) my own kids were there and having a great time.

Someone sends us an invite for a child free wedding? Great! Someone sends us an invite for a child inclusive wedding? Also great!

I cannot fathom how anyone gets their knickers in a twist about what other couples choose to do with their own wedding. Stop getting so butt hurt that your kids aren’t invited, it’s not about you!!!!