When did weddings stop being family occasions?

[Quackpot]

Just that really. Child free weddings are boring

@Bullandbush

I don't think weddings in general are as nice now. Years ago people got married younger, they didn't already have dc and most didn't have a lot of money. A wedding gift was something really appreciated. Families mucked in to give their dc a good day. And people didn't get in debt to get married.

Now it's hen dos and stags in expensive locations.
5k wedding dresses and matching platinum rings, venues in castles or smart hotels.

And it's always the most important day of their life and everything has to be perfect.

The only important bit of the day is the legal contract you make.
People forget this because they're focused on perfection in unnecessary details.

Weddings aren't family occasions anymore they're 3 ring circuses.

Wow. 3 ring circuses....not an event planned to ensure your guests are fed well, watered enough and are entertained by good.musicians etc.

A wedding is the ultimate celebration of love. And people want all of the people they are close to around to celebrate their day and yes for most that is the most important day of their life so far.

You sound cynical.and nit picky and the type of wedding guest that would give out about everything. You probably shouldn't go to anymore weddings if you hate them that much

I didn't want someone's kid screaming during my ceremony or running amok at the reception. No one is as amused by your own kids as you. Which is why I had a childfree wedding and had an amazing day. Now, as a parent, I really wouldn't want to take my child to anyone's wedding!

Don’t any of you have children you love?

Families are what we choose for ourselves 🥰
I’m proudly childfree and I have a family.
Kids are boring.
Tell us how much it costs per guest to host a wedding and who wants to fund everyone’s offspring to make noise, mess and disrupt their event and this data will make your brief OP in any way relevant.

RJ nah. 😄

Things that actually make a wedding boring:
-religious ceremonies guests made to sit through
-shit food
-14+ hour day for the guests
-speeches longer than 10 minutes
-hours of nothing
-hours of no food
-kids
-long journeys home

(People like ‘well actually I love sitting in a fucking church for an hour listening to drivel, singing shitty noises, it’s lovely’-nah.)

The only child free weddings I’ve been to were friends ones who didn’t really know our dc so far enough. All our family ones have included an invite for our 3dc. They’ve been bridesmaids 3 times and been to 7 weddings. Mn appears to have more child free weddings than my rl experience.

Define "child" do you include your mates 19 & 16 year olds - what about the girlfriend of 2 years?

What about your mates teenage step-kids do they warrant an invite?

My venue limited to 100 people, I didn't want 36 'kids' from babies to young adults and a few plus ones. At the expense of people who we actually wanted there.

People are getting married later, friends kids just becomes too many people and complicated.

You can't enjoy a wedding without children there? How sad... I have to wonder why YOU are so boring... 🤷‍♀️

@RJnomore1

Don’t any of you have children you love?

Three of them. But I'd understand if my friends didn't want them at their wedding because of the type of wedding they wanted.

When DS was small and medically vulnerable that would have meant we declined or only one of us went. If it was a really important wedding we could have tried for respite. Now there's three of them and no one wants my three for a long day, it would still be neither or one of us. And that's ok

I have two little boys I love dearly... and I haven't taken them to a wedding yet. They have been included in the invitation for some but I've chosen not to take them.

We had children at our wedding. Toddler in church was beast fed so that socked any noise and my friends little boy was the highlight of the night dancing in his pajamas. He's still referred to, in third party conversation as "pajama boy from my wedding" a decade later. But we married just before everyone started a in babies, (several were pregnant) so it wasn't tens of seats taken up by 5 year DS who don't like steak or vegan chocolate torte

Remember even if a baby in arms isn't taking up a seat or eating they still count in the numbers for the venue capacity due to insurance and fire Regs
It's not always about money.

I'm not planning on getting married ever anytime soon, but I really wouldn't think to entertain my guests with other people's children!
Surely a wedding is all about what the couple want?

@Lockdownbear

Remember even if a baby in arms isn't taking up a seat or eating they still count in the numbers for the venue capacity due to insurance and fire Regs It's not always about money.

They also still cry! I don't hate children or anything, I had one, but now she's an adult I generally don't choose to be in the company of them.

I hate weddings with kids there.

If they’re related to you you’re expected to pitch in with keeping an eye on them, and they get in the way of what should be a nice fun day.

And at the last wedding I went to, a kid was encouraged to sing and dance down the aisle while the couple signed the register. I cringed myself inside out.

Remember kids are like farts, you only like your own.

I think weddings are quite long and boring for kids ,and for a bride and groom who plan their day kids are quite unpredictable ,you never know how they will behave some are great and some can just fly into tantrums because they are fed up . I had kids at my wedding many years ago it didn't bother me but there wasn't such a massive fuss around weddings being perfect back then and nobody had camera phones and there was no Facebook or Instagram etc . The pressure of everything going right now for some couples is huge .

Oh dear this thread hasn't gone quite the way op intended I think!

Many people have moved away from their home town before getting married, so the community feel of a wedding won’t be the same now, as B&G and friends won’t be part of the same community. And with people being older when getting married and also organising their own wedding, they are more likely to invite friends from far and wide. That is why the make up of many weddings have changed. It’s not about the venue being more important, although there is a lot more choice now.

As others have said at the time my parents got married the guest list would very much have been decided by their parents. That wasn’t the case when we got married, and we went child free too. And our wedding wasn’t boring

I have two kids and still think childfree weddings are better. If I can't go because of cost / childcare then I miss out, but I've never not enjoyed a childfree wedding so always try and make the effort!

Weddings never were family occasions. Weddings are not appropriate for children. Weddings with babies crying, drowning out the vows and speeches and children having tantrums, running around etc is not just boring, it is torture for everyone. Children at weddings is beyond selfish.

@RJnomore1 Fair enough, however unless there are no children at all in their family or friendship group it’s a complete shame they don’t have any sort of relationship with a child where they would think they were if enough importance to come to their party🤷🏻‍♀️

I don't have a relationship with my friends children or my work colleagues children, so why would I want them there? 🤷🏻‍♀️ Weddings are about 2 people entering a sexual relationship, it involves long boring hours for children and risque' speeches. Weddings are not for children, what next, drag your children to a meeting with a bank manager (because a home is 'about family'), or a Hen's Night with male strippers, because 'they're my friend's children'? Do you understand the difference between Adults Only functions, and things for children? Also you don't understand children well at all. Weddings are TORTURE for children. No child wants to sit still at a table for hours. I find that people who say children should be at weddings simply don't understand children, and don't see it through their eyes, they're selfish adults who don't stop to think that no child wants to go to a wedding.

Child free weddings are boring

Only to the easily bored. I go to a wedding to celebrate two people marrying, not to be entertained by a bunch of hyperactive kids!

To answer the question, I'm 62 and I can remember people having child free weddings in my early 20s.

@RJnomore1

Don’t any of you have children you love?

Yes about 38 of them from about 21 years to tiny baby's

I wouldn't split siblings by asking one and not another. Didn't want to do plus ones for the young adults. Really we didn't have space for so many kids.
So we settled on the tiny babies too small to leave mum.

Unless you are footing the bill you have no say in the guest list at a wedding.

@Zilla1

When it became increasingly a vehicle for performative display where everything had to be special, unique and better rather than a celebration.

That's exactly what I was going to say!