When did weddings stop being family occasions?

[Quackpot]

Just that really. Child free weddings are boring

When we made a list of the adults we wanted to invite and discovered including everyone's children would have increased the numbers by 50%? I love kids but a class and a half of primary aged children is too many and would totally overpower the day. Problems of getting married in your late 30s!

Nieces and nephews. Absolutely should be there. Any other children, no way and that has always been the case in my experience. I don’t recall ever going to a wedding with my parents wasn’t the norm at all

If they are friends children I understand but family its different. Just because they are minors doesn't make them any less of a family member. I recently got married and the children who came made the wedding! We were recently invited to a wedding where only one of our four children were invited (it was family) I was absolutely ready not to go but my fil died recently and I didn't want to cause any more issues for my mil. But I tell you that cousin is well and truly off the Christmas card list- it's just rude and hurtful that she doesn't consider our children family.

Imagine you make a friend. You really like them and get on in so many ways. A few years pass and suddenly they make a new friend. That person is way more important to them than you are, but you keep up your friendship as much as possible. They have another one, maybe two friends added to their group. Your only connection to these friends is your friend. Now it's considered polite to invite these two or three friends to your wedding too.

Substitute babies for friends, and suddenly it's supposed to be normal.

My enjoyment of my friend's company is never negatively affected by the absence of their children. Can't say the same for the reverse.

@Zilla1

When it became increasingly a vehicle for performative display where everything had to be special, unique and better rather than a celebration.

Absolutely this. It used to be a community occasion .

@RJnomore1 maybe brides and grooms don't want their wedding to be community occasions. Maybe they want to invite the people that are important to them and not people then feel they should invite.

Fuck if, the people getting married get to choose what they're wedding will be like.

Personally I wouldn't particularly want to go to a wedding and spend it looking after my children., much as I love them. I'd rather be able to just relax and talk to other adults and have a drink.

If I couldn't get childcare I'd rather just not go.

Nieces and nephews. Absolutely should be there

Why?

I agree with a PP that the difference was that when the bride’s family used to pay it was much more of a family do. Church service and then all over to the church hall for drinks and a meal followed by a disco. If mum and dad are paying then it’s up to them if aunt Doris comes. Less so now that most people pay for themselves.

Are you coming back to explain further @Quackpot?

My wedding was child free. At the reception we had a great time without kids playing up or being tired, and no one hissing about swearing or inappropriate behaviour in front of The Children. Our friends at that time either had teens or no kids so childcare wasn’t an issue, and loads of them said it was one of the best receptions they’d been to.

I’ve been at weddings with attention seeking and tired kids and they’re not fun for anyone in the vicinity. We went to one when DS was 6 months and while he was beautifully behaved it was quite stressful and I’ve preferred the weddings we could take DC to.

@Sparklingbrook

I am also intrigued as to how having children at a wedding makes it less boring? Unless everyone's placing bets on who's child/baby has the loudest voice during the vows and speeches.

How many adults do you see skidding across the dance floor on their knees ?

Huh? Weddings i go to are always family occasions, even child free ones.
When we get invited to weddings and the dc are invited we don’t take them unless it’s close family and friends who the dc know really well and know there will be other dc for them to socialise with. They’re getting older now so it’s not so bad but weddings can have long ceremonies that bore kids (okay, and some adults!) and then the meals and speeches etc etc, jaysus when we had 3 young ones it was a no way, dh and I left them with someone else and we went on our own. Much better!
A couples wedding day revolves around them and their wishes. You don’t have to go if you disapprove!

Couldn’t take DC to

I had a child free wedding and it was bloody great. Great restaurant, fabulous booze flowing and dancing all night long! Everyone had a blast.

I had a child free wedding.
Capacity was limited so did I want 20 kids that I barely knew, that would get bored and cranky and make the parents want to leave? Or did I want my actual friends there that could pay for a babysitter and enjoy a good night out (wedding was mid afternoon to midnight).
Weddings are about family. My family. Not yours.

[quote mariotime]@RJnomore1 maybe brides and grooms don't want their wedding to be community occasions. Maybe they want to invite the people that are important to them and not people then feel they should invite.

Fuck if, the people getting married get to choose what they're wedding will be like. [/quote]
Fair enough, however unless there are no children at all in their family or friendship group it’s a complete shame they don’t have any sort of relationship with a child where they would think they were if enough importance to come to their party🤷🏻‍♀️

My parents had a child free wedding in the 70s, it’s not a new thing. Let’s be honest, the wedding itself is a boring ceremony that is super dull for a child. Unless the bride and groom fork out a fair amount of cash or effort for children’s entertainment, the child will be bored whilst they are waiting around as photos are taken, children are also not likely to enjoy the speeches. Yes they may like a disco, but I don’t know what else in the day they will be enthralled about. I wouldn’t take mine to a wedding even if they were invited, it’s just not a fun day for them.

First child free wedding I remember was 1997. A local church member decided to bring their two toddler age children, she did not know the bride and groom. The children were bored, not interested in the slightest and one played with loud toys on the stone floor, I could barely hear the vows. Mum did nothing to quieten him. At that point I understood why They wanted the wedding to be child free.

I was one of the last of my friends to get married. I had family children (literally 4) but if I'd let my friends all bring their children that would have been 75 children plus adults. Sometimes you have to draw a line

Weddings are just boring. Children or not.

Ime most weddings I attended in years me and friends were marrying (late 80s and 90s) were still mainly focused on the church ceremony then the sit down meal running into early evening. I only went to a few with dancing, and certainly don’t remember many being big evening do and fancy bands etc.
It was defiantly family orientated, kids were there and it was natural as it was an adult party - it was a family celebration. Friends who were invited felt like the extras , whereas now I think it’s about a party with friends, but oh god we have to invite the relatives as well.
The big focus on a massive party late into the night with music and dancing, isn’t just naff for kids, but for some older relatives. If you don’t want to dance you can’t hear any conversation you try to have after 10pm, or you just slope off early and feel a party poop .
I’m going to a wedding in a couple of months- festival vibe, lots of live music, pizza van and chips, I’m sure the married couple will have ball, and their mates…I’m busy thinking that if I don’t drink I can leave early and drive home (it’s about 3 hours dirve) so I can sleep in my own bed and save money of having to stay in an expensive hotel . I hated discos when I was young, I don’t have a partner , my sons will be in it’s the young crowd having a ball , so I’ll feel like a complete spare part. As an introvert I’m dreading it so going home seems a much nicer option. I just want to see her get married, and see her happy.
And don’t talk to me about goody photographs when she’ll disappear with wedding party for 2 hours while everyone else stands around waiting 🤦‍♀️ What is that all about
Rant over 🤣🤣

@Quackpot

Just that really. Child free weddings are boring

That suggests your friends/family are really dull if you can’t have a fun time with them.

To answer your question, I expect it was when people started to get married older and more people had kids pre marriage. Lots of people chose a child free wedding because they can’t afford to pay for 20 extra places or don’t want to take up a large chunk of the invite list if they are restricted on numbers. Would have been an extra 22 at my wedding if we’d have invited kids so that was an easy decision for us. Not a single person with kids declined by the way.

Probably around the time parents became arseholes and expected everyone else to parent their kids so they could get pissed and cause a scene. Might just be my family though

Bloody photos not goody