When did weddings stop being family occasions?

[Quackpot]

Just that really. Child free weddings are boring

This is a thought-provoking question.

On the whole people have become more selfish and consumerist, and less family and community-minded.

It's a rather vacuous existence for many.

My aunt and uncle had a child-free wedding in 1992. They’re not vacuous or dismissive of family. It’s a shame if your circle includes lots of people who are.

Equally most weddings I’ve been to have included children as it’s the norm in my circle. Have never once had a wedding ruined by a child - again, the issue is with your circle if your friends/relatives can’t behave appropriately when supervising their children.
Perfectly possible for weddings to be joyous events whether they’re childfree or include children. The problem is surely the adults involved, either way.

I love a child free wedding but of all the weddings I've attended the one I remember the best and it was 15 years ago was when the kids who were in the wedding had a pretend sword fight at the altar while the couple were saying their vows.

The couple probably didn't but I loved it!

@Sparklingbrook

I am also intrigued as to how having children at a wedding makes it less boring? Unless everyone's placing bets on who's child/baby has the loudest voice during the vows and speeches.

It depends whether the hosts want a gorgeous spectacle or a family wedding. I remember the days when children were always there. I was 5 at my first wedding and about 9 at my second. Everybody in the family went, from the very oldest to the youngest. Maybe weddings should have stayed that way. They were warmer and kinder. People didn't have 'destination' weddings which older people can't afford or were not fit to travel to. I saw my neighbour in tears because her greatgranddaughter was off to the Carribbean to get married on a beach. She had played a big part in the bride's life and she hadn't been considered. And she was not the only family member left out.

@Sparklingbrook - apologies. I have answered the wrong post. Sorry!

@Selttan

I love a child free wedding but of all the weddings I've attended the one I remember the best and it was 15 years ago was when the kids who were in the wedding had a pretend sword fight at the altar while the couple were saying their vows.

The couple probably didn't but I loved it!

the kids who were in the wedding had a pretend sword fight at the altar while the couple were saying their vows.

See that had me cringing just reading that, I felt so bad for the couple. And how can you 'loved it'? You must not have loved or respected the couple and considered their feelings to have loved it.

It depends whether the hosts want a gorgeous spectacle or a family wedding

Of just a perfectly reasonable expectation to be able to say your vows (something that you will do just once in your life) and everyone be able to hear them.

@Selttan

I love a child free wedding but of all the weddings I've attended the one I remember the best and it was 15 years ago was when the kids who were in the wedding had a pretend sword fight at the altar while the couple were saying their vows.

The couple probably didn't but I loved it!

That is awful.

The internet means people are still in touch when in the past you lost contact with school and uni friends.
People got married much younger so the DPs were paying and calling the shots.
This would be pre 2000

@Strokethefurrywall

I don’t think I’ve ever been to a wedding where I’ve been bored, when I was single, married or with kids.

Mainly cos a) I like or love the couple getting married, or b) my own kids were there and having a great time.

Someone sends us an invite for a child free wedding? Great! Someone sends us an invite for a child inclusive wedding? Also great!

I cannot fathom how anyone gets their knickers in a twist about what other couples choose to do with their own wedding. Stop getting so butt hurt that your kids aren’t invited, it’s not about you!!!!

Same here! I've enjoyed pretty much every wedding I've been to, with and without kids (though the one with a large unfenced pond and a toddler was a bit stressful!) What I really object to is the slagging off of people who choose something different from what a particular poster did, combined with the rather tired "people are just soooo shallow these days" whine.

I had a child-free wedding simply because there were no kids in our circle of friends/family. Our youngest guest was my 16 year old cousin. I am pretty sure it wasn't boring, overly sophisticated or all about the Instagram (which didn't exist). It was just a nice day with my friends and family, in a beautiful setting. If we'd done it now, 10 years on, with the same adult guest list, we'd have about 30 extra kids to invite, which would hugely increase the cost and we'd probably have to choose a different venue. I'm quite glad we didn't have to make the decision!

Also, while a few people talk about kids missing out on wonderful family memories of creating havoc with their cousins - I went to no weddings between the age of 1-25 (was taken to two as a small baby). There just weren't any in my family. I was a bit jealous of some of my friends and their lovely bridesmaid dresses but don't feel like my childhood was any the worse for not having weddings in it!

I much prefer child-friendly weddings. My youngest has never been to a wedding as he’s never been invited, I’ve always had to find childcare for him which is a shame. I like weddings that have everyone from the community there - old and young alike. It is up to the bride and groom to decide who to invite but it’s also fine IMO for people to say no if their DC aren’t invited, not everyone has easy access to childcare.

I love a child free wedding.
My wedding was child free as were the majority of ones I've been to.
I love being able to relax without worrying about little ears hearing things they shouldn't.
I now have my own kids and still wouldn't take them to a wedding until they're much much older.

I do think its probably partly due to people getting married older

If I got married at 23 I'd of had about 10 in total children to invite. Getting married at 40 means there's about 20 under 4's!

Agree that it's also couples taking back control of wedding lists. My mum firmly believes I should be inviting people I've not seen in 20 years and haven't met DP over friends I've lived with and keep in contact with

Mu mum also thinks it costs about £40 a head, most weddings are far closer to about £80

Before people start talking about mythical church halls, the ones locally are a lot to rent! And by the time we bought in catering, rented tables and cutlery and a bar etc then it worked out cheaper to do it in an all inclusive venue

The 40 children to invite also halves the amount of adults I can invite, budget wise and room capacity wise. We realised for every 3 adults there was 2 children

I had a child free wedding ten years ago, it wasn’t for Instagram obviously, we had no family children as they didn’t exist.

We both work with children so wanted a child free day for a change. I don’t see how child free equates to child hating.

Honestly here in Ireland, weddings are large and normally it's only the bride and grooms immediate family are ever invited . I Find the 'we're a family so all or nothing brigade" really sad and depressing for themselves . I can only assume that these people who complain think their children are the most amazing beings to walk the earth and want them to attend weddings as an opportunity for everyone else to agree how spectacular they are.
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I love modern weddings, the old fashioned ones are as boring as hell. They're more individual now and more about the guests and having a great party with live bands etc than dull speeches and reading out the cards, hanging around for ages in between things. Child free weddings for me everytime. I don't think any child really enjoys a wedding. My dc only went to one that I can remember, they sat quietly during the ceremony, ate the food, ran around in the grounds, then wanted to go home just when the party started. So we took them to dps and just me and dh went back.

When parents because all about their precious moppets and unable to have any fun without them being centre of attention?

I prefer child free weddings too. It isn't the day for children, particularly young and cutesy ones to steal the show. Which often happens IME.

@Selttan

I love a child free wedding but of all the weddings I've attended the one I remember the best and it was 15 years ago was when the kids who were in the wedding had a pretend sword fight at the altar while the couple were saying their vows.

The couple probably didn't but I loved it!

What did you love about that?

I remember my parents going to weddings without me in the 80s/90s.

I also remember weddings where only some children were invited or worse (to me as a child), all children were invited to the boring church service and then some of us shuffled off home while the 'special ones' got ready to party. I feel like that would be considered less acceptable nowadays, so couples feel they have to choose all children or none.

I agree that people getting married later makes a difference.
If you marry in your early to mid 20s odds are your friends are child free and the only family kids are maybe younger cousins.

You marry in your mid 30s your friends who married 10 years earlier have kids, your young cousins are now adults who need a plus 1. And OK you might have lost a Granny or two but people tend not to have too many Great Aunts attend anyway.

Why is there a pressure to add cousin's kids but not Great Aunties?

For me, a wedding is about the joining together of the happy couple and their two families, so child-free weddings feel a bit incomplete. (Please don’t shoot me, I know many other people feel differently). Saying that, at the last wedding I went to, two of the children were noisy during the service and should definitely have been taken outside.

My DD (3) loved being a bridesmaid a few months ago. She behaved very well during the service and was doted on by my aunts. At the reception, she danced to the live music until shortly before 10pm, when she took a break and fell asleep. I don’t think small children steal the show. People’s reaction to the bride was “wow!” and to the small kids was “aah!” It’s not the same.

@Enzbear

I love modern weddings, the old fashioned ones are as boring as hell. They're more individual now and more about the guests and having a great party with live bands etc than dull speeches and reading out the cards, hanging around for ages in between things. Child free weddings for me everytime. I don't think any child really enjoys a wedding. My dc only went to one that I can remember, they sat quietly during the ceremony, ate the food, ran around in the grounds, then wanted to go home just when the party started. So we took them to dps and just me and dh went back.

Oh my god I'd forgotten about the cards! 😩 Sooo boring.

I think the last wedding I went to where they read out the cards was in 1993.

I don’t get the divide between child weddings and child free weddings. Have your friends and family attend.. whatever the age! Some child free weddings just seem greedy to me.. they maximise the potential presents given.. instead of a child taking up a seat they invite an adult (however tenuously related) just to get another present. (My bro and sis in law didn’t allow children.. including family.. but invited random people they barely knew as wanted more money / presents given). If I ever get married the people that matter to me.. and their children.. will be there.