DH considering becoming a doctor

[pinkgingham]

Posting here in case anyone has experience/advice they can share.

DH is 37 and in a fairly good career type role but it doesn't motivate him (it could uncharitably be called a bullshit job).

He wanted to study medicine at uni but instead did politics (got some dodgy career advice at school and was the first in his family to go uni).

He's wanted to retrain for many years but it didn't make sense whilst we were trying to buy a house, have kids etc.

He's now considering it properly for the first time. Unfortunately he has had to spend a lot of time in hospital recently due to serious illness in his family and it's really brought home to him that what the medical staff do is so meaningful, which is a direct contrast to his job (in his view).

We've worked out that we could afford to live on my salary for a few years if needed whilst he was studying, I appreciate that the hours are crazy and sometimes unpredictable and that it would put a lot more of the childcare burden on me. I still think it's worth it though as he has a lot of years left to work and you only get one life and it's a long time to waste in a job you think is meaningless. He would love to do it but is always more cautious than me.

Is this totally mad? Do people actually do this at 37? What do we need to consider?

I think it's obviously really important to be supportive of one another, but this is a huge huge ask that will have really big implications for the family- both financially as you know and for you bearing a lot more around the home and with your children. If he wants to get into healthcare there are plenty of routes and options now, I think he should compromise personally and work together to find something that will be fulfilling for him but also workable as a family.

@FinallyHere

Keep coming back to this thread. I'm all for following your dream but honestly, I can't help but think this is much too big an ask of OP.

Him following his dreams means she will be a full time single parent and sole breadwinner, while he swans off to do a rigorous training alongside extensive studying, and the funding required for that, too. All for an employer who has no regard for personal or family life.

For at least a decade, OP is going to have to pick up everything. No wonder I'm feeling cross on her behalf. No one should ask this of their spouse.

There must be other fulfilling possibilities which could be explored. Or does he simply want to drop all his responsibilities ?

I completely agree. 37 is relatively young so it's hard to accept that it's too old to do something but in this case, with a young family, it is. It's a totally unreasonable request and I hope that OP's DH is only suggesting it because he doesn't yet realise what he's asking of her. I love and support my DH very very much but I would not do this for him, and I would not ask him to do it for me.

Looks like OP isn't coming back, though.

I completely agree too. I was 24 with 1 child when DH started his medical training - it absolutely dominated our life for the next 10 years. It is better now he is a GP but he still works 8am-7pm minimum, can never do a school run etc, has his holidays issued to him by rota (4 weeks allowed to be taken during school holidays) - I could tell you exactly what summer holiday dates we have for 2025… it’s a difficult ‘dream’ to fit into a family life if you already have a family, IMO.

I think that at 37 he has missed the boat. It is very hard to take up studying unless he has been working in some quasi-medical role and has already achieved good exam passes in Biology and Chemistry etc..
I thought at 26 I might like doing medicine (my nurse girlfriend wanted me to have a go) and I looked into it but it looked like too much of a challenge at that age really, it would be years before I would earn a reasonable living. If he has private means to cover his family, and he is not doing it for a vanity issues, of course, he might give it a go, but it is a hard grind and needs great dedication, and financially may not ultimately be the answer.

He absolutely has not missed the boat. I recently went to a friends 40th and she has just qualified as a doctor. I have another female friend who did it after raising her kids so she was late 30s when she went. Both did a one year “access to medicine” course. It’s a good course as it’s only a one year commitment. Guarantees a med school interview and allows a person to dip their toe in and find out if the studying is going to work. Highly recommended. I also highly recommend he does it if he feels this strongly.

Keep coming back to check. Doctor here.

Finished medical school 2002 so started in 1990s.

My biggest regret is being a doctor. The reality of the NHS is so shit.

Don't do it

I would like to ask the doctors here something -

What if studying medicine really appeals to you?

It's a subject that really interests me and it's something I'd love to learn, the nitty-gritty of the human body and how to treat people. Do other avenues exist after studying medicine or do you have to become an overworked and unappreciated doctor in the NHS?

My sister is an Advanced Health Care Practioner which is essentially like a junior doctor and although there is training and exams it's not as full on as medical training. Could that be an option?

And she trained for this in her late 30s

@sparebikewheel what would you do once you had studied medicine though?

In the UK you aren't qualified as a doctor until you have done your 2 Foundation years after university.

And even then you aren't really qualified to do anything. You need higher qualifications - the postgraduate exams and a consultant/GP certificate to be employable as a specialist. Any doctor working in the private sector will be able to show how experienced they are in order to get clients, and they do that by having a lot of NHS practice first!

There are jobs that don't require all the exams - but they are still hardwork, in the NHS and come with their own problems.

So other avenues do exist but generally they are go abroad: Australia is v popular, or not be a doctor. And it seems a lot of work to study medicine in order not to be a doctor.

A friend of mine didn’t work as a doctor after her FY2. She is in medical editing now.

Doctor here. Thanks to all the other Drs saying they regret doing medicine, dislike their job etc.
That's how I feel, but it's something seldom voiced among medics
I fear for the future of the NHS.

I think medicine/ the NHS has changed a lot in the last twenty years, and not for the better.
I no longer work in it, but have friends that are still Drs, and children that need the service because of chronic illness.

I fear for the future of it too.
It’s not just about money, it’s about too many administrators, and clinical staff not being able to use their own expertise and judgement in the way they used to.

@Curlingstone

Doctor here. Thanks to all the other Drs saying they regret doing medicine, dislike their job etc. That's how I feel, but it's something seldom voiced among medics I fear for the future of the NHS.

I actually really enjoy my job, but I'm a senior reg in a specialty that I love. Would I want to go back to being an F1 now at my age (never mind in 5 years which is when OP's husband would actually qualify?) Hell no!

@garlictwist. Being a nurse practitioner is a great job. They get to do the bits of medicine we doctors enjoy e.g. making a difference in patient care. But the buck stops squarely at the Consultants’ feet (me!). So none of the responsibility both regulatory or legal.

I’m so glad that all my fellow doctors have said a resounding NO to going into our profession for OP’s DH. I would also say it should be a resounding DON’T DO IT for any 18 year old considering this path.

I will reduce my NHS sessions as soon as I can.

The ship is sinking. The rats have already left. It’s just us idiots left … time to jump.

Being a nurse practitioner is a great job but very competitive and not that many around.
OP's doesn't want to be a nurse either which would be a bit of an inconvenience .

I’m so glad that all my fellow doctors have said a resounding NO to going into our profession for OP’s DH. I would also say it should be a resounding DON’T DO IT for any 18 year old considering this path
Sadly I agree @SussexSussex
I was asked if I'd talk to aspiring medical students at my children's school a couple of years ago and I declined. I couldn't go and encourage them but I know it would probably have caused trouble if I'd been really honest.
Hardly any of my colleagues' children have followed in their parents' footsteps. I think about 50% of my friends at med school in the 80s were from medical families, but I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of doctors' children I know who have gone to medical school in the last decade. No doubt the Universities will put a positive spin on this and say it is a result of broadening opportunities, more inclusive admissions policies and so on, which is true to a degree I'm sure. But the other reason is that children of currently practising doctors are turning their backs on the profession in droves and their parents are encouraging them to do so. In fact someone asked me recently if I was disappointed that my children have all chosen other professions and I laughed. I'm not disappointed, I'm relieved. A lot has changed in the NHS since I first started and very little of it is positive in my opinion, but the last 10 years of my career were particularly horrendous. It was always a privilege to treat patients and I miss that very much, but all the associated crap unfortunately outweighs the good, and once managers with no clinical experience started telling me which patients I was allowed to treat, and how, then I knew it was time to go.

100% agree! I too had to turn down talking to 6th formers as it would have been a talk about not doing it.

I'm just so glad my husband isn't also a doctor or I'm sure one of us would have topped ourselves by now.

It's so shit.

I'd rather my kids did anything else than medicine.

@garlictwist

My sister is an Advanced Health Care Practioner which is essentially like a junior doctor and although there is training and exams it's not as full on as medical training. Could that be an option?

It’s a first degree plus lots of experience and a separate masters and prescribing qualification! It’s no easier really, the advantage is the ability to earn whilst you complete some of it. Very competitive and most would have years of experience before being accepted so medicine is a quicker route for many.

I think it’s too old. He won’t make it to consultant level for at least 13 years and that’s 13 years of hard slog. Uni, exams, rotations, ARCP, travelling, courses. It’ll take a real toll on family life. What about nursing or becoming an AHP?

What about being a paramedic?

I would say do it 100% I know someone with 5 kids started uni at 40,different profession but 4 year course then working up. Never regretted it. Now coming up to retirement with an excellent pension. If my husband wanted to do this I was support hin all the way. He will always pine for the career he never had

This is a two-year-old zombie thread.