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Original poster

DH considering becoming a doctor

349 replies

pinkgingham · 11/02/2022 23:02

Posting here in case anyone has experience/advice they can share.

DH is 37 and in a fairly good career type role but it doesn't motivate him (it could uncharitably be called a bullshit job).

He wanted to study medicine at uni but instead did politics (got some dodgy career advice at school and was the first in his family to go uni).

He's wanted to retrain for many years but it didn't make sense whilst we were trying to buy a house, have kids etc.

He's now considering it properly for the first time. Unfortunately he has had to spend a lot of time in hospital recently due to serious illness in his family and it's really brought home to him that what the medical staff do is so meaningful, which is a direct contrast to his job (in his view).

We've worked out that we could afford to live on my salary for a few years if needed whilst he was studying, I appreciate that the hours are crazy and sometimes unpredictable and that it would put a lot more of the childcare burden on me. I still think it's worth it though as he has a lot of years left to work and you only get one life and it's a long time to waste in a job you think is meaningless. He would love to do it but is always more cautious than me.

Is this totally mad? Do people actually do this at 37? What do we need to consider?

OP posts:
FunnyCradock · 14/02/2022 11:03

@SussexSussex please see the post from @VK456 who said it as it is

I don’t think you should take This Is Going To Hurt as a personal attack on consultants! Consultants are many and varied, and yes of course the tv show is a dramatisation not a documentary (managers would ensure to be airbrushed before being shown to take out the gritty reality). BUT the reality is also that I handed my notice in on Xmas day because a consultant was pretty shitty towards me and that was the final straw. When I pulled him up on it, he didn’t say sorry, only that he was “in a bad mood” Another symptom of the impact of a broken nhs I suspect.

applesapplesapples · 14/02/2022 11:32

At 37? No, he’s too old. At a minimum, he’ll be 44 when he completes FY2.

Angiemum24 · 14/02/2022 11:45

Go for it. I’m 37 and always wanted to be a dr or nurse etc. I didn’t do my science gcse because I had to work on the day the lesson was and my teacher took me off the course
If you can do it,the. Go for it.
All the best xx

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Higher education Jobs
CovoidOfAllHumanity · 14/02/2022 13:00

When I was at med school there was a mature student lady on my course who had 2 young kids. She would have been in 30s or 40s.

One day I asked her how her weekend was and she said she had spent it 'mostly clearing up sick'. I was commiserating with her that 'it must have been a large one, few too many bevvies etc etc' when I realised she was just looking at me completely incredulous as she informed me 'Not my own sick the 4 year olds!'
Your life is just not the same once you've had kids and I can't imagine doing house jobs with family responsibilities

EllasMami · 14/02/2022 13:05

You sound like a fantastic couple. If you can afford it, go for it. It won’t be easy for either of you but being able to follow a dream and have your partner‘s back is where all of us would like to be. Wishing you all the best!

caramac04 · 14/02/2022 13:10

For those who doubt me, the 2 year fast track to become a GP was definitely offered in Leicester about 5 years ago.
As a pp stated, probably need a healthcare degree first.
My work colleague successfully applied for this. It was because of a shortage of GP’s

Carriemac · 14/02/2022 15:40

@caramac04

For those who doubt me, the 2 year fast track to become a GP was definitely offered in Leicester about 5 years ago. As a pp stated, probably need a healthcare degree first. My work colleague successfully applied for this. It was because of a shortage of GP’s
Probably needed a healthcare degree ? FFS you don't become a GP on a two year course with a healthcare degree . It would be some kind of assistant with different t responsibility and salary
mocktail · 14/02/2022 15:49

Out of interest, are any of the posters saying "go for it" doctors themselves?

Disfordragon · 14/02/2022 16:03

@mocktail ……I’ve been following this. No they aren’t.

OP just to add some more reality to the subject…..as previously mentioned im a dr of 22 years. I’m a consultant. We all get management/admin tasks. Today I’m working on a project. It requires an in dept knowledge of excel (which I don’t have) and the patience to go through several huge electronic folders and check policies and guidelines. There are hundreds, possibly thousands. It’s going to take months. It’s entirely administrative. Doesn’t require any of my degree or the subsequent 22 years. Really wasn’t what I had in mind when I signed up for med school.

SussexSussex · 14/02/2022 16:14

@Disfordragon This is the exact rubbish and useless waste of a senior Drs time that I’m talking about. Name another industry where the senior experienced staff (Partners in Law/Accountancy/Audit/Consultancy) would be doing their own excel spreadsheets or being dictated to by office or client managers?! I trained to be a doctor, a clinician, a teacher of medicine. Not to be lackie to an administrator whose only qualification for being a “manager” is because they’ve spent 10 years at the same NHS trust!

Loopytiles · 14/02/2022 16:32

Probably not doctors, and probably not willing to spend or forego hundreds of thousands of pounds, most of the time they’re not doing paid work themselves and ten years to facilitate their man’s career desires!

countbackfromten · 14/02/2022 16:51

@caramac04 honestly it didn’t! Because you can’t be a GP without having been to medical school and then done foundation training and then general practice training! It will have been another role but it won’t have been to be an actual GP.

Disfordragon · 14/02/2022 17:01

Or @SussexSussex where the law student on placement tells the senior partner to do the most menial tasks…..for example, I’ve asked a student nurse, more than once, to make up a bed to be told ‘the linen cupboard is at the end of the ward’. I simply can’t imagine that a law student would tell the partner of a law firm where the paper is for the photocopier when the partner says they have run out…..except that wouldn’t happen in the first place because the partner wouldnt be standing doing his or her own photocopying.
It’s not all bad. I’m getting paid 6 figures to sit and stare at a computer screen all day. It’s Just not a good use of my actual skills or the tax payers money.

BobbyeinArkansas · 14/02/2022 17:06

I have a friend whose husband decided similar and like you, they could live on her salary for a bit etc. that was 15 years ago. He's training to be a consultant. Or rather has been for the last 7. She's like a single parent in some ways. The burden of providing financially and all childcare falls to her.

She resents him.

Are you onboard with it OP?

caramac04 · 14/02/2022 17:37

I’m trying unsuccessfully to post a link to a current fast track GP programme of 3 years
Google fast track GP training and click on The Pulse, a site aimed at health professionals

Disfordragon · 14/02/2022 17:48

@caramac04

  1. It’s a proposal to fast track graduate training of drs to 3 yrs
  2. You need a degree in an allied health subject to begin with.
  3. You’ll still need to train as a gp AFTER you’ve done 2 years of foundation training. So it’s only shortening the overall training from 9 to 8 years for graduates of health care subjects - who if they’ve got any sense won’t do it.
Didyousaynutella · 14/02/2022 18:13

Caramac are you sure you aren’t talking about physicians associate?

NotAJammyDodger · 14/02/2022 21:27

I would go with the Doctors’ advice here.
They have done it!
All very well to give positives around life changes etc etc, but assuming he has the right a-levels, you are looking at c. 8 years to get onto a career specialism.

speakout · 15/02/2022 07:00

I would go with the Doctors’ advice here.
They have done it!

Yes but most have done it straight from school, without having to consider having a wife and family- and being 37.
It's the OP that posted here, and she is the one lokin for advice.

Assuming she is the around he same age as her OH how does she feel about giving up the next 10 years of her life to carry all the baggage so her husband can follow his dream?
She may by then 47- so nearly 50, career down the pan because she has to carry 95% of caring for kids and running a house.

Great for hm, a big risk for her and a huge sacrifice. What about her dreams?

Sounds more like the approach of a midlife crisis on his part, stuck in a rut, doesn't like his job, two kids, same old routine.
Some men at this stage may buy a sports car, have an affair, take up running, do something useful. Not consider throwing his wife and family under a bus for 10 years.

Abigail12345654321 · 15/02/2022 07:09

@speakout

*I would go with the Doctors’ advice here. They have done it!*

Yes but most have done it straight from school, without having to consider having a wife and family- and being 37.
It's the OP that posted here, and she is the one lokin for advice.

Assuming she is the around he same age as her OH how does she feel about giving up the next 10 years of her life to carry all the baggage so her husband can follow his dream?
She may by then 47- so nearly 50, career down the pan because she has to carry 95% of caring for kids and running a house.

Great for hm, a big risk for her and a huge sacrifice. What about her dreams?

Sounds more like the approach of a midlife crisis on his part, stuck in a rut, doesn't like his job, two kids, same old routine.
Some men at this stage may buy a sports car, have an affair, take up running, do something useful. Not consider throwing his wife and family under a bus for 10 years.

The doctors on the thread have advised against haven’t they?
SockQueen · 15/02/2022 07:16

@speakout

*I would go with the Doctors’ advice here. They have done it!*

Yes but most have done it straight from school, without having to consider having a wife and family- and being 37.
It's the OP that posted here, and she is the one lokin for advice.

Assuming she is the around he same age as her OH how does she feel about giving up the next 10 years of her life to carry all the baggage so her husband can follow his dream?
She may by then 47- so nearly 50, career down the pan because she has to carry 95% of caring for kids and running a house.

Great for hm, a big risk for her and a huge sacrifice. What about her dreams?

Sounds more like the approach of a midlife crisis on his part, stuck in a rut, doesn't like his job, two kids, same old routine.
Some men at this stage may buy a sports car, have an affair, take up running, do something useful. Not consider throwing his wife and family under a bus for 10 years.

All the doctors on the thread have said not to do it.
ThanksItHasPockets · 15/02/2022 07:18

@speakout you’ve misread @NotAJammyDodger’s post. The doctors are saying don’t do it, as is s/he.

popcorn925 · 15/02/2022 07:22

I'm a doctor and I could never start at age 37. It's physically grueling (watch "This is going to hurt" to get idea of the walking/running/carrying you do in a day). Then days off are studying. Night shifts, so need to sleep during day. No pay for 6 years, followed by low pay for another few. It does however, settle down by 10 years & everybody is different. (Obviously always emotionally draining)

speakout · 15/02/2022 07:45

Sorry- my mistake- need more coffee!

FinallyHere · 15/02/2022 08:30

Keep coming back to this thread. I'm all for following your dream but honestly, I can't help but think this is much too big an ask of OP.

Him following his dreams means she will be a full time single parent and sole breadwinner, while he swans off to do a rigorous training alongside extensive studying, and the funding required for that, too. All for an employer who has no regard for personal or family life.

For at least a decade, OP is going to have to pick up everything. No wonder I'm feeling cross on her behalf. No one should ask this of their spouse.

There must be other fulfilling possibilities which could be explored. Or does he simply want to drop all his responsibilities ?