DH considering becoming a doctor

[pinkgingham]

Posting here in case anyone has experience/advice they can share.

DH is 37 and in a fairly good career type role but it doesn't motivate him (it could uncharitably be called a bullshit job).

He wanted to study medicine at uni but instead did politics (got some dodgy career advice at school and was the first in his family to go uni).

He's wanted to retrain for many years but it didn't make sense whilst we were trying to buy a house, have kids etc.

He's now considering it properly for the first time. Unfortunately he has had to spend a lot of time in hospital recently due to serious illness in his family and it's really brought home to him that what the medical staff do is so meaningful, which is a direct contrast to his job (in his view).

We've worked out that we could afford to live on my salary for a few years if needed whilst he was studying, I appreciate that the hours are crazy and sometimes unpredictable and that it would put a lot more of the childcare burden on me. I still think it's worth it though as he has a lot of years left to work and you only get one life and it's a long time to waste in a job you think is meaningless. He would love to do it but is always more cautious than me.

Is this totally mad? Do people actually do this at 37? What do we need to consider?

If you can deal with the extra burden upon you then I'd say definitely go for it! I wish him great success. 37, life is only beginning, he has at least, hopefully, another 50 years of living

Working for the NHS these days is a nightmare. My partner qualified (Imperial) in '87, eventually became a consultant, and could not get out fast enough. Now retired but alive.

Seriously, it's a nightmare.

I just want to give so much ❤️ to the doctors out there who do such a punishing job so that the rest of us can have quality of life and more time with our loved ones. You've saved my mother on multiple occasions, our happy family would have long since disappeared if it weren't for you.

Thank you thank you

Somebody I slightly know went to medical school aged 45. She's about 60 now and works in psychiatry. Not a consultant yet. No kids or partner. I don't think she has regretted. She also always wanted to be a doctor.

Would he consider dentistry?

He's too old . It's physically and intellectually demanding and placements from year 2 will
Mean a lot of travel
Which is a nightmare for family life . The salary is not great , the reward used to be the pension but he won't get a chance to build up a decent career average one .

I am sorry but too old. Maybe become a counselor or simply change his job? Go see a good career adviser or look online on how to use his transferable skills for good. Get a job with a charity for example. There are better ways than spending the most productive years of his life studying. It will affect his pension too.

Successfully changing career in midlife requires giving yourself permission to be extremely selfish about your own time and priorities in the same way as someone in their early twenties without financial and family responsibilities.

I am changing career (to a much less challenging profession than medicine) and it’s very tough.

OP, can you stand having 100% responsibility for all childcare and domestic duties for the next five or six years at least?

Has your DP gained a realistic expectation of the mountain he has to climb?
Very high GEM entry requirements (excellent A levels, 2:1 min. very high UCAT score and strong background in relevant voluntary work)

Has he already shadowed junior doctors, GPs, volunteered to work in care homes, hospices (now Covid rates are starting to decline)?

Does he have the staying power in his (by then) early forties to work several nights on the trot in A&E tending to patients with challenging behaviour?

Can you support the family on your own wage for the next four years at least whilst doing all the child care and domestic work?

If he has thought all this through and you can cope emotionally and financially, and you support him, then go for it.

Hi, does it have to be medicine specifically? There's lots of other career pathways in the health service where you can specialise and make a decent living e.g. how about training as a Radiographer or an occupational therapist

@TheUsualChaos

God no. Not with a young family. The early years in medicine are awful. Endless unsocial hours and moving around for placements. It would be extremely hard on all of you.

This ^

Based on what people are saying, and my own experience I wouldn’t either. I left medicine many years ago - tried to return to a speciality desperate for Drs. It was unbelievably shit - no support, even though they needed me and knew my level of qualifications pre leaving.
My friends who are early 50s are desperate to leave. It’s very hard working in the NHS now.
Maybe a different clinical role?

@Gassylady

Start doing some research would be my advice. Graduate entry medicine programs are only four years long. There are suitability tests that are taken as part of the application process. Foundation programme at the end of med school is two years and mandatory. Speciality training programmes vary in length GP is currently four years and anaesthetics is seven for example. I regularly work with med students and the graduate ones with some life experience are very motivated and keen. Good for him for wanting to go for it, we have lots of trainees (junior doctors) who took similar paths. It is doable. DOI consultant for fifteen years but did med school straight from A levels

It's incredibly competitive though. A friend of mine has a double first in biochemistry from Oxford and still had to build up a year's work experience working as a healthcare assistant on hospital wards to get a place on the graduate entry course at King's.

What's his current salary? If he wants to do it he needs to start now. Are fees still paid for GEM? He would have to do it that way to make it viable or you will have massive debts. Also, does he have a specific specialisation in mind for post training? If it's not GP, be prepared to move about a lot. Where are you based? Can he commute to uni or will you have to move?

I'd say go for it. No doubt it will be hard going - there will be tears and fights and god knows what - but in the end it will be hugely rewarding and beneficial for society. You will be hugging yourselves. We need doctors. Very best of luck.

I think do it. Can he go in at postgraduate level? Would take a few years off. Or what about physicians assistant - could train quicker for that. 37 is still young he has another 30 years of work ahead he should train for what he wants to do

Get him to read and watch This Is Going To Hurt first

5 years at med school. 2 year foundation and then training in whatever specialty he chooses. Of course if he is really wants to he could do it but remember with the training posts they could be placed anywhere in the country.
My partner moved to Hampshire from London for training when we had an 8 month baby leaving me in effect a single parent and us having to fund two households

We need Drs, but they are feeling very unsupported by the NHS just now, and many would not recommend the career. Which is completely different to even 20 years ago. I would be very careful

@Needtogetoffmyphone

We need Drs, but they are feeling very unsupported by the NHS just now, and many would not recommend the career. Which is completely different to even 20 years ago. I would be very careful

Agreed. I know hundreds of doctors from my training schedules around the UK over the past 20 years. I honestly don't know any who would actively recommend it as a job.

All my smartest and bravest colleagues have left medicine or medicine in the UK.

Not the same but DH left his well paid corporate job to go back to Uni and retrain as a teacher - much less impact on crazy hours etc but much bigger impact on family finances as I was just returning to work from mat leave and we had to completely change our financial setup etc.
absolutely worth it though - he is exhausted working as an LSA and studying and we have a toddler and DSS who is a teen with some significant behavioural issues (and lives with us full time) but I have never seen him happier or more fulfilled. If it's the same for your DH then absolutely go for it, it will be a rough number of years but it will absolutely be worth it.
Are you completely on board with the changes it will bring, especially financially, for you?

As well as This is Going to Hurt, he could watch "Cardiac Arrest" a series from the early 90s written by Jed Mercurio under a pseudonym. The episodes are available on YouTube. Yes it's 20+ years old so might be dated in some respects but the horror of getting almost no sleep, the bleep going off constantly, and the feeling of being completely out of your depth are still there. I loved watching it at the time of first broadcast (was just finishing medical school) but I find it harder to watch now, just the sound of the bleep going off brings back so many negative feelings.

I went to uni at 31 to train to be a geologist. 5 years and the best thing I ever did!
Go for it!

OMG - that programme is enough for all of us to sit down and scream in anguish!!

We’re in a similar situation , husband would love to study medicine and has the entry requirements. But we have a mortgage and 4 children to look after , I work part time so we have limited income so we couldn’t finicially afford to do it !!! And as he’s British ( sorry ) he doesn’t qualify for loans grants or help with funding !) like he might if he was studying from aboard , sorry I don’t mean to cause and upset but it’s the harsh truth ! I feel my husband is resentful although he will not admit it ! , if we had the funds and could afford it I would support him , but really would struggle with caring for the kids the vast majority of the time by myself , they are all under 10 years old ! I guess you need to consider the impact on family life , long hours, shift Patterns, placements ( may not be local ) travel time , late off , extra study needed and family life put on hold . I’ve seen it first hand and don’t forget it’s for several years depending on career pathway !! I am not trying to discourage you at all really please don’t think I am , I have been in similar position and it puts the best relationship under extra stress and strain , it’s not going to be an easy ride , good look with what ever you decide , I really wish you and your family the best x