DH considering becoming a doctor

[pinkgingham]

Posting here in case anyone has experience/advice they can share.

DH is 37 and in a fairly good career type role but it doesn't motivate him (it could uncharitably be called a bullshit job).

He wanted to study medicine at uni but instead did politics (got some dodgy career advice at school and was the first in his family to go uni).

He's wanted to retrain for many years but it didn't make sense whilst we were trying to buy a house, have kids etc.

He's now considering it properly for the first time. Unfortunately he has had to spend a lot of time in hospital recently due to serious illness in his family and it's really brought home to him that what the medical staff do is so meaningful, which is a direct contrast to his job (in his view).

We've worked out that we could afford to live on my salary for a few years if needed whilst he was studying, I appreciate that the hours are crazy and sometimes unpredictable and that it would put a lot more of the childcare burden on me. I still think it's worth it though as he has a lot of years left to work and you only get one life and it's a long time to waste in a job you think is meaningless. He would love to do it but is always more cautious than me.

Is this totally mad? Do people actually do this at 37? What do we need to consider?

Why doesn’t your DH mimic a junior doctors work schedule for a month. I don’t know the shift pattern - but try twelve hours 7-7 overnight for a week, two days off. Then another 7 days of 7-7 during the day (up at 6am, back at 8pm). Factor in extra hours for studying for exams when you’re knackered
See if that gives you a more realistic idea of what it would be like.

@Starlightening that is just not true about no funding because he’s British. There is extra funding available for graduate entry medics.

Innocenta thanks re the programme. Will give it a try

What a decision you have ahead of you.
I remember a newly-qualified doctor in his first post on a ward I was on as a Student Nurse. He was 44, so must have been a similar age to your husband when he began his training. We had a bit of rapport because I was much older than your average student then. He was a lovely bloke and was brilliant with the patients, but he found the long hours very, very difficult, especially the weekends when he was on. He hadn’t realised how exhausted he would be and he was really concerned about things. I haven’t thought about him for years and am now wondering what became of him. He was such a nice bloke.
I really hope things work out as you all wish.

I got the medical bug too late (zero careers advice and GEM didn’t exist in the olden days, so no chance of studying medicine itself). After a fairly circuitous route I qualified in my mid-thirties in a profession allied to medicine. I flew through the training and have had a career which I have loved. Interesting work with interesting people and the feeling that I personally have made a difference to many patients. Yes, it has been hard and there has been some antisocial working but not enough to ruin my life. I’ve earned a good salary. I’ve reached a decent level in my profession and specialised - I know a lot about my particular field, probably more than a lot of the doctors I come into contact with, and my input is valued. There is absolutely no need to be a doctor to make a worthwhile contribution.

DP and I are both doctors and we were speaking about whether we would do medicine again if we had our time. And whether we would encourage our DS into medicine.

We both immediately said ABSOLUTELY NOT. In fact we are both looking for ways out (and before anyone wonders one of us is a Consultant of 5 years, and the other is very near Consultancy).

We are at the whim and disposal of managers who are barely out of nappies and won’t be trusted to run a bath in any other industry. Senior managers who only care about their next senior appointment when they inevitably get forced to resign for a scandal/failure.

The job isn’t what we signed up to do all those years ago. The pay is appalling for our qualifications. Conditions are atrocious (we don’t even have an office - we do our clinical admin on laptops sat in the corner of the staff room!). Morale is lower than rock bottom.

Fellow senior colleagues are looking to retire early and junior colleagues are jumping ship for Australia/NZ or alternative careers faster than rats on a sinking ship. So why on gods earth would OP’s DH think about boarding the Titanic when half the ship is already under water?!?!

Haven’t read through the thread so apologies if this has been suggested already.

For anyone considering medicine, watch This is Going To Hurt on BBC iplayer for the most realistic insight into working for the NHS. I spent my way nodding & laughing in hysterical agreement at the mess of it all, from broken soap dispensers to falling in ceilings, buzzers that go off at random, to ridiculously mismatched scrubs sizes, and don’t even mention the COWS!! (Computers on wheels)

I’m not sure if people think that it was purely a drama/comedy but IME (as a currently employed nhs nurse) it is entirely accurate. Burnt out, snappy/sarcastic staff (not because we/they are bad people but because of what the job does to a person, it really is “dog eat dog…and dogs eat wallflowers” out there) and buildings/equipment that is broken or lacking, massive workloads & staff shortages, all leading to a very poor work life balance.

Think VERY carefully about whether this is the life you want. I love the principle behind the nhs, but it’s a broken system.

Was it always this bad in the NHS? This thread is an eye opener and a sad read.

@FunnyCradock whilst “This is going to hurt” (I’ve only seen the first 2 episodes) is vaguely true it is also dramatised. Consultants are no where as aloof as we’re protrayed. We are there to support our juniors. We are certainly there to take the flak for them too.

Have a read of this article on Linkedin it paints such an accurate picture of the mismanagement at the very top of the NHS and the underhanded tactics of those managers at the very top to keep their snouts in the slurry bucket. Most healthcare professionals won’t be exposed to the top levels of management. But doctors routinely are.

www.linkedin.com/pulse/unfinished-business-roger-kline/?fbclid=IwAR3j37_gIrsWiYJqjKs95gxew1IJ8fKT-Wv60KdG1YdP3lVRjAEkk5sUQUE

I repeat. To the OP and anyone else thinking about doing medicine. Think carefully. Think long and hard. Think with your head and not your heart. When droves of people are jumping ship. Is the glimmer of light you’re seeing that is tempting you to join the ship real or just a mirage.

SussexSussex
‘Consultants are no where as aloof as we’re portrayed’ Some may not be…

I wouldn't want to stop a partner from doing something because I feel like they would blame you for not fulfilling career aspirations.

But honestly I think that age 37 there are certain careers that the time has been and gone. And medicine is one of those careers. The work involved for the first ten years is intense- which is why people do that stage in teens and 20s with no responsibilities.

Not to say he has to stay in his current role- not by a long stretch! I think at 37 so so SO many careers are open to him, lots in healthcare are still open. There are lots of other jobs that help people too.

If it were me, I'd ask him to think about other jobs that may satisfy him and that would do good.

I think paying a career counsellor at this stage would be a really really good idea. There are some great ones out there.

I haven't Rtft but the general consensus seems to be it would be a bad idea.
How about training to be a paramedic instead? Less time to train, and can sometimes do this on the job. Their hours are more consistent so he would be around more for you and the kids and generally get based close to home

I agree with CelticPromise, we’ll worth thinking about an Allied Health Role instead, the pay would be less at the end of the 3 years degree, but it’s an easier entry, easier to find local placements, and you can still offer an amazing amount of good, with progression to Advanced Practice level in Physiotherapy, Podiatry ( can also progress in surgery) and in nursing too, which means you’d be working along side the medics , but with less hours and stress to the family.? There are research and teaching roles too in every discipline, loads of options.
Best of luck, and yes 🙌🏻 the country needs more like him.

It will be very, very hard on both of you...however, if he does not at least attempt this, it will eat at him forever. Better to try, and have to give up, than not to try, since you are willing to take up the slack. My very best wishes to you both.

He should do it because a failed dream is still a dream pursued. And maybe it'll lead him elsewhere you can't forsee yet.

It’s his dream, and you’re supportive, so he should definitely do it. Good luck!

Someone close to me is doing it. She has two small kids which she has had whilst studying . It’s hard and they’re very regimented but they’re managing.

I worked with a woman who had a psychology degree. She was successful in getting a place on a 2 year GP course.
Don’t know if this is still happening or even if your DH wants to be a GP but might be worth looking at.
This scheme was a few years ago and devised due to GP shortages.

This isn’t a ‘follow your dream’ vs ‘picking up the slack’ scenario.

OP’s H pursuing a medical career would likely cost the family hundreds of thousands of pounds (taking into account lost earnings, fees, travel and accommodation costs then a lower salary for at least 5 years) and many, many years of one parent having very little time and energy for their family. And the other covering the work of two people at home, with reduced ability to do paid work and earn.

There was a thread on this recently with an individual asking if she should train, all the doctors who came here said don’t do it. The years of being a junior doctor are long and hard was the general gist!!

You could always get him to look at physicians associate now with a view to moving up to train as a doctor later after careful consideration. So many things don't have to be done in your 20's. The key is you really. How much do you want to support him? because if you are not in this 100% as well he will be very stressed trying to keep you, children and the job happy and that's dreadful.

@caramac04 2 years seems a very short time to become a GP. Usually it's Med school (4-6 years depending), 2 years junior doctor and then specialists (in this case GP training).

I don’t think he’s be eligible for this route without a biomedical/nursing/life sciences undergraduate level degree

There isn’t such a thing as a 2 year GP course. You have to go to medical school, do foundation training which is two years and then GP training. If you have done higher training in another speciality you can transfer 6 months of it across to GP if you change.

I’m 12 years in and not too far away from my CCT date (when I finish training). I am mid (to late) 30s and honestly, I could not imagine starting it at this age. It isn’t just medical school or the shifts as a junior doctor, it is the postgraduate exams that you study for alongside work, the gathering evidence of your progression for your portfolio, the extra audits and projects you have to go to be competitive to get a training post.

There is absolutely no 2 year GP course @caramac04. Your shortest route would be 4 year graduate medical school, 2 year foundation training, 3 year specialist training. So it’s 9 years training at the quickest possible.