What easy things are you just shit at?

[coastergirl]

It's ridiculous. I'm a 37 year old woman. I have 2 kids, a job I love. I function reasonably well!

I cannot butter bread. I make a complete mess of it. Holes in the bread etc. I can't blame it on hard butter because I use marg.

I'm ill and bored. Please make me feel better by telling me the "easy" things you're shit at.

I can't poach or boil eggs
Can't do eyeliner at all
Houseplants. My house is like plant death row.

@mathanxiety

Blow drying my own hair.

You need a revlon brush dryer thingy. I was you and this has changed my life. At 47 I am now blow drying better than the hairdressers.

@foxlover47 just to clarify when I said I use one cup of rice to two cups of boiling water what I actually am using is a mug that I put my tea in 😅

Hangs head in shame

Those bloody boxes for PCR tests

Stupid foldy wee corners

Aaarrrrgggghhhh

I can poach an egg nicely 😉

Anything arty

Can’t draw, paint etc…

Tried to frame some photos today, totally messed it up even when using a Stanley knife, decent card ruler and pencil…..

@catwomando I'll give it a go!

Scrabble. I am painfully bad at it. This is despite having a good English Literature degree and having routinely read 2-3 books a week since I was about 5 years old!

It's frankly embarrassing.

Dance.

I dance like a wobbly wardrobe and have absolutely no rhythm. Worse, I rush excitedly to the dance floor with arms waving about like I'm going to know what to do when I get there. Then I get there, become a wardrobe and have to count time until the song ends so I can mime that I need a drink and shuffle back off.

Can't do lipstick. It just looks wrong on me and doesn't glide onto my lips in a smooth line, ever. I always look like a five year old playing with Mummy's make up.

I used to be terrible at rice, until I bought a microwave rice thing.

I can never hear the weather forecast. I set out to listen but my attention always wanders and I end up at the end, without knowing what the weather will be for important outdoor events. This is very annoying.
(this isn't the same as the Shipping Forecast, which is pure poetry)

@Floydthebarber

Putting lids back onto bottles and jars. I just sort of place them loosly back on and put whatever it is back.

And boiling an egg. I can cook really well but cannot boil an egg. How are they so uncooked after 7 minutes!

If they are going straight from fridge to pan they take longer. Take them out the night before and let them come up to room temperature 😊

Also winged eyeliner. I can do it perfect on one eye only. Never two.

@coldfeetmama

Hangs head in shame

Those bloody boxes for PCR tests

Stupid foldy wee corners

Aaarrrrgggghhhh

I can poach an egg nicely 😉

Dp showed me how to do the boxes I mastered the trick finally now they're almost no longer required. I don't even know how to poach an egg. I'm 47 years old.

Oh yes , make up. Can just about do basic lipstick, eyeshadow (lids only!) and foundation, but nine if that highlighting amor flicks eyeliner lark.

Can’t really walk in heels either, or put on tights without laddering them. My normal work attire is hivis abs safety boots.

My colleagues were astounded when we went to a black tie thing a few months ago, when I did all of the above!

Sewing.

Tennis/ Badminton/ any ball sports.

But I can cook eggs and park the car!

Omlettes and pancakes are my downfalls

@Desiredeffect

Omlettes and pancakes are my downfalls

Do you want weird thin crepes or proper thick fluffy pancakes?

If it’s the latter:
1 cup SR flour
1/2 cup sugar (I often use less)
1 large egg
Enough milk to make a thick ish batter. The thicker your batter the thicker the pancake!

In a DRY pan on a medium heat put a tablespoon of mixture. Wait until you see the surface texture change and then turn over.

Despite trying numerous times I cannot stand up on iceskates or ride a bike

@ladygindiva

That is true , the last one I had went in a clear plastic bag and then an envelope thank goodness

My perfect poached egg 😂

Not refrigerated eggs , keep them out
Boil kettle
Silicon cups
Pan

I pour the boiled water in pan - lid on - crack my 2 eggs into the silicon cups (£2 in B an M )
Lift lid , check time
Gently place silicon cups in pan lid back on
5 mins exactly
Lid off , spoon them out yummy
Now want egg on toast for lunch 😂

I thought I had literally no skills but I can parallel park, run, ride a bike, poach eggs, stir fry, program tech things, do make up, hair, cook perfect steaks, house plants thrive, fake tan perfectly and knock up dresses in an afternoon.
But I cannot swim, not even doggie paddle.

@Branster

Cannot wink for the life of me so I do a reverse wink at my kids (I don't actually wink at anybody but I'd like to be able to do it). I did practice on my dogs for years, can't do it.

I can never ever cook the right amount of rice or pasta. Either too much or too little. I tried all the tricks and I can't manage this.

I'm glad I'm not the only one unable to keep house plants. Dying within 3 months tops if I look after them. Garden plants are quite successful though.

Rice, one handful per person and one for the pot. Or measure this amount into a cup, make a mental note or take a photo and use the same cup every time as a measure. I used to be rubbish at cooking rice, then learnt that if i brought it to the boil then turned off the heat and put a lid on twenty minutes later it had absorbed most of the water and was cooked, now i use my vegetable steamer and its always perfect.

@SiliconDioxide79

Not once remembered which of the 2 buttons on my car key is “unlock “ and which one “lock”. Every time try to think of a way to remember which is which without just guessing (symbols have worn off).

Dab of nail polish on the unlock bit

Argh posting on mn is also apparently something I struggle with as I've yet again just lost a long post!

Anyway

Op - we're all faking it! Trust me! I often feel useless and not contributing enough to society but mn helps this a bit as I've been through a LOT and use those experiences to advise and help others (I hope)

In real life my friends know some of what I've been through esp the Mh stuff and this has led to a lot of them telling me stuff. This has led ME to learn - nobody has it all together! I have friends that our other friends and even their families think they have their shit together - I know otherwise NOBODY has it totally easy all the time.

Sudoku - if anyone wants to learn I'm happy to teach and guide. I avoided for ages cos I thought it was "maths" it's not it's just logic and elimination there are tips and tricks to it. There are also apps which are good for learning on

Cooking and baking - anyone watch "bull"? He once used cooking v baking in a voir dire. Apparently cooks are more instinctual and bakers more prescriptive. I can manage both ok (except for eggs and scones!) but I err towards preferring baking. It's probably the ocd, I prefer having an exact plan to follow. The problem is baking is rather calorific especially if you live alone! I did some during lockdown but really I had to stop

Wrap presents nicely.
Sewing. Even a button I struggle.
I would also add decorating and gardening as so many women seem to do these with ease these days.

Oh God, so many things! Basically everything in fact. But teh ones that bother me most are:

Wrapping presents
Handwriting (would be impressive for a 5 year old, but at 33, not so much...)
Ironing
Singing
Dancing
Drawing (even my stick figures are weird!)
Speaking coherently
Cooking and baking (I invariably burn stuff, or forget a vital ingredient, or get misread measurements)
Going to sleep (that's not even meant to be a challenging thing is it?!)
Keeping plants alive
Hairstyles. Even your most simple and straight forward ones, nope!
Changing nappies. I've had 15 years of practice and I'm still crap at it.

Sometimes we don’t always need to be able to do everything. About 25 years ago I shared a flat with a chap was a great cook, but a bit inept in other ways. The button came off his “pulling shirt”, and I sewed it back on for him. In exchange he went out, and a roasted a chicken for me to give the person I’d invite round. We’ve both been married to the people we were entertaining that night for over 20 years.