I am artistically staging my house for sale

[Oldh]

What do you think? I can take constructive criticism as long as you are not mean. Who needs an estate agent. Photos to follow. Obviously I have had to cut them so I can't be identified.

@Mischance

Definitely need a used cat litter tray.

I've done my best. The cat just isn't feeling it right now

@BruceAndNosh

What?! No photograph of solitary door knob with no clue as to which door?

Make sure Nit Shampoo and Canesten tube clearly identifiable in bathroom shots

Oh. Brilliant idea. We have luxury fittings on all interior doors

Thank you OP, this thread has made me chuckle.
I'd love to see your home office and garden room though, before I book my viewing!

@ButtockUp

Thank you OP, this thread has made me chuckle. I'd love to see your home office and garden room though, before I book my viewing!

Of course. We have a home office/luxury breakfast kitchen. You can see the garden from the room so that counts as a garden room?

Photo

Splendid @Oldh !
Great to see that you've incorporated hot desking in your exquisitely appointed Manor House.

I am disappointed because I was hoping to see a “pop of colour” much beloved by the property industry. Boring white bedroom? Buy the(and this is the key) second cheapest red duvet with runner for a “touch of class” and coordinate with a red chair. Perfect!

And for the finishing touch, ready for the viewings, I have a lovely pan of mince ready to boil to make the house smell homely. Get those offers in, ladies

I think some of them might be slightly too in focus. You need more soft focus.

Not everyone likes the smell of mince, so poach some fish as well.

I like the subliminal message in photos that not only is there an Iceland nearby, you are also close enough to a Macdonalds to get your meal home before the bag goes all sweaty and oily. Major plus points.
Suggest Lidl branded items in soft focus

And don't forget the ubiquitous MN penis beaker on the bedside table for that extra touch of class!

It looks recently updated, do you have anything in the “Christmas decorations still up to make clear exactly when photos were taken” genre?

@stuntbubbles

It looks recently updated, do you have anything in the “Christmas decorations still up to make clear exactly when photos were taken” genre?

When the house was last properly cleaned

Water cascading out of Bath tap is popular locally.
If you live in a hard water area, leave any limescale so that potential viewers KNOW it's authentic and not just a stock photo

I mean a bath tap, not a tap from the city of Bath

Where are you that your daffodils are not only out but actually dying? It’s snowing here!

@MmeD

Where are you that your daffodils are not only out but actually dying? It’s snowing here!

Sainsbury’s flower department I imagine, 99p a bunch

We like the curated academic look with some boxes of books and empty shelves.

I think it might be missing some images which are blurred - just to give that extra feel of luxury

@BruceAndNosh

Not everyone likes the smell of mince, so poach some fish as well.

I like the subliminal message in photos that not only is there an Iceland nearby, you are also close enough to a Macdonalds to get your meal home before the bag goes all sweaty and oily. Major plus points.
Suggest Lidl branded items in soft focus

Good detective work there. I think the daffodils were from Lidl. I should have left the label on.

(Who was it who looked at her neighbour's house listing photos and saw her own cat lying in one of the bedrooms?)

That's hilarious 😂

Loving this thread, OP

Can you take a picture of the beach? It doesn't matter if the house is 300 miles inland. Must see the beach then I'll decide if i want to buy.

While your at it. Aerial view with a drone please?

Was reading this thread just as OntheMarket emailed me this gem, main photo on the listing. Could be any of these fucking houses, at least draw a big ugly red arrow on it. OP, add some arrows to your listing, in case people miss the Sporty D mug

When photographing the garden do make sure that there is a broken swing/trampoline in view.

Also make sure that all photographs are taken with such a wide angle that you can practically see behind the photographer's ears.

Here some of the estate agents are super efficient and dont bother taking new photographs and just use the ones from the last time the house was on the market.

Also, dont forget the compulsory photo of the house in the dark with all the lights on. I suppose it is to get an idea what your new home will look like when the teenagers are left home for the evening.