I am artistically staging my house for sale

[Oldh]

What do you think? I can take constructive criticism as long as you are not mean. Who needs an estate agent. Photos to follow. Obviously I have had to cut them so I can't be identified.

OP, come on now we know you've name changed but the game is up Mrs Hinch!

@Thunderpunt

OP, come on now we know you've name changed but the game is up Mrs Hinch!

Haha. She wishes.

Why no photos of the exterior with a wheely bin and a few half-dead plants? Y'know, kerb appeal.

excellent. Love the pants stretched over the airer!!

There is an estate agent in a local
Town and the pictures are awful. Not professional and obviously the guy is trying to be creative but ffs!

Remember to stack any random crap from the floor on the bed and cover it with a duvet to demonstrate flexible storage.

master bedroom really requires a gimp mask,strewn carelessly n poundland has a range of didlos i believe...

Beautifully landscaped, south facing garden.

@ValBiro

Beautifully landscaped, south facing garden.

Lovely.

Honey the Sports Direct mug is lowering the tone and needs to go. Other than that, beautiful!

@Changedmane

Honey the Sports Direct mug is lowering the tone and needs to go. Other than that, beautiful!

Aw thanks. I am happy with constructive criticism because it is so helpful. I have removed it now. I will just re use the McDonald's paper cup instead

@TheWeeDonkey

Do the pants come with the property?

The pictures for the house opposite (tenants didn’t want to move) had her very large knickers draped over every radiator. I suppose it signalled that the heating worked well enough to dry underwear.

What?!
No photograph of solitary door knob with no clue as to which door?

Make sure Nit Shampoo and Canesten tube clearly identifiable in bathroom shots

There is something Dutch Interior School about those dead daffodils. Very moving testament to the temporary nature of our sojourn on earth. I am surprised no one else has picked up on it.

Clearly you are an amateur, we need a photo of your toilet with the lid and seat up!

(Who was it who looked at her neighbour's house listing photos and saw her own cat lying in one of the bedrooms?)

@Changedmane

Honey the Sports Direct mug is lowering the tone and needs to go. Other than that, beautiful!

How do you know what the OP has named her mug? That could be very outing.

Oh yes! Very nice 👍

But you need one showing the stained carpet in front of the fire where it looks like someone has dies and decomposed. Or that for rentals only?!

Definitely need a used cat litter tray.

Currently looking at Rightmove and can't believe some folks can't be arsed to move the washing off the radiators, dirty clothes off the floor etc. Oh and dogs in pics - really not cute and very likely to put me off having viewed some really dog-stinky houses in the past.

@viques

There is something Dutch Interior School about those dead daffodils. Very moving testament to the temporary nature of our sojourn on earth. I am surprised no one else has picked up on it.

yes, that one screamed Vermeer to me.

Remember to turn on every single light before taking the pictures. That way the viewers know what a dark and gloomy property it really is.

Stack of porn next to bed / loo ( viewed a house with stack by bed)
Viable mold in the bath sealant

You forgot the cash and carry food stashed on the kitchen worktop.

And the gazillion bottles of toiletries arranged around the bathroom.

The cat food bowls and the litter tray on the kitchen worktop.

You need an exterior shot of your house, taken from approximately 3 miles away. Then buyers can let their imagination run free as to what the house actually looks like.

@viques

There is something Dutch Interior School about those dead daffodils. Very moving testament to the temporary nature of our sojourn on earth. I am surprised no one else has picked up on it.

Thank you viques. I knew I was a genius.