I am artistically staging my house for sale

[Oldh]

What do you think? I can take constructive criticism as long as you are not mean. Who needs an estate agent. Photos to follow. Obviously I have had to cut them so I can't be identified.

@HelloKeith

Just today I had a trawl around Rightmove and have seen photos of -a full kitchen bin, -full sink drying rack, -what might have been a lovely vegetable patch a few years ago but is now a selection of rank weeds, -a dog clearly disturbed from its nap -a stack of jigsaws on the floor in suspiciously the same place in the hallway where I have my pile of crap for the charity shop -unmade beds

Some inspiration for you?

Yes. It was inspired by my property search. Thought I could do better without having to pay for a professional

I used to work for a property rental agent abroad. Went to a €900,000 house one day to take photos and found a teenage boy asleep in a darkened bedroom. The owner said 'Oh yeah sorry, he doesn't get up until 11.30am on a Saturday'.

@ChaosTrulyReigns

Slovenia rumpled bed linen in spare bedroom please.

Trouble is, some photos would be just too outing. But think Tracey Emin.

Do the pants come with the property?

Have you considered adding a picture of a local church or field? Doesn’t have to be near the house at all.

Luuurve the chrome toilet roll holder. So on trend. That'll guarantee the sale.

We once viewed a rental that came fully equipped with a sleeping teenage boy.

A mullet toilet roll would sell it tome!

@TheWeeDonkey

Do the pants come with the property?

You can have the DH as well.

I saw one earlier where the TV was on and David Boreanaz was in close up on the screen. Looked like Bones rather than Buffy.

@ChaosTrulyReigns

Slovenly 🙄

I'm actually wearing a Slovenian apron right now. But I'm not trying to sell my house.

Thanks @Oldh, I'll politely withdraw my offer. I've already got one old bugger I don't want two of them.

Some really stunning features hun, do you have a home account on Insta? I need future inspo for my doer-upper.

@JesusInTheCabbageVan

Can I join in? Friendly magnets.

😂

Don't suppose there's a smoker in your house, OP? A full ashtray always adds something.

Where's the pineapple?

@Andariego

Some really stunning features hun, do you have a home account on Insta? I need future inspo for my doer-upper.

. Good idea.

Also included; fitted oven and hob. Barely used.

I think you need to try a tiny bit harder, could you upload a photo of the garden?

The photo of the loo roll holder should be taken from further back, just capturing a large crap in the toilet in the background….

You are missing the inadvertent half-dressed selfie in a smudged mirror. The wardrobes are a game changer. (I have very little built in storage)

I think you need to hold your camera at a jaunty angle for a more artistic look to be honest. It’s more classier at 45 degrees.

@Elieza

The photo of the loo roll holder should be taken from further back, just capturing a large crap in the toilet in the background….

I'm not a monster

@GrandmasCat

I think you need to try a tiny bit harder, could you upload a photo of the garden?

I was going to get a nice photo of the local park as per previous suggestion from Corneliusmurphy

are those wardrobe handles original? Do you not have any creepy stuffed toys or puppets? Where is the hallway photograph that makes you think of The Shining?