I am artistically staging my house for sale

[Oldh]

What do you think? I can take constructive criticism as long as you are not mean. Who needs an estate agent. Photos to follow. Obviously I have had to cut them so I can't be identified.

We're mid house purchase and I have spent a frankly inordinate amount of time on RightMove.

Your attention to detail should be an inspiration OP

@stuntbubbles

Was reading this thread just as OntheMarket emailed me this gem, main photo on the listing. Could be any of these fucking houses, at least draw a big ugly red arrow on it. OP, add some arrows to your listing, in case people miss the Sporty D mug

Haha..probably the blue one at the back

@IDoAllMyOwnStunts

A stunt pineapple next to the Sports Direct mug would make all the difference. (And a turd in the litter tray).

I actually cut my stunt pineapple up today and we've all had some!

@Champagneforeveryone

We're mid house purchase and I have spent a frankly inordinate amount of time on RightMove.

Your attention to detail should be an inspiration OP

Thank you. Offers in a sealed envelope.

Stunt pineapple is so 2020. Stunt bruised apple or banana is the way to go.

Oh op, I’ve just seen something on RightMove that you absolutely must have - the essential utility room/home office. I can’t imagine why it hasn’t occurred to me before now to put my laptop on top of my washing machine and my swivel chair in front of it.

I think you are missing something. I'm seeing way too much open space. For full purple bricks impact You really need to squeeze a lot more into all of your rooms.

When potential viewers can't tell your kitchen from your bedroom you will be getting close.

This thread inspired me to head onto Rightmove. First listing (low to highest price obvs) has:

Litter outside the front door (main listing photo)
Curtains not straight
Artex…on the WALLS
The dead body stain on the carpet in front of the fireplace
Wonky lampshade
Pile of washing in the kitchen
Black mould in the bath sealant

I think it has done pretty well. To be fair it is only £45,000 and has been on the market since August.

@Housely

Oh op, I’ve just seen something on RightMove that you absolutely must have - the essential utility room/home office. I can’t imagine why it hasn’t occurred to me before now to put my laptop on top of my washing machine and my swivel chair in front of it.

For correct posture when working on the laptop, you would need to open the washing machine door and put your knees in. Brilliant.

So the utility room/home office could also become the home gym - while your feet are in the washing machine you could trundle the drum round. You can work, wash your clothes and exercise all in one room, and all at the same time.

I’m on a site where people take pics of objects with a banana next to them for scale. Do this for an outside pic of your house.

Love that so many have the same sense of humour as me . Will get a banana! And a home gym.

No, I'm sorry. It's just not doing it for me
Unless I see a rotery washing line propped up, complete with rusty pegs I'm out...
You've got to have some standards FGS 🙄

Don't forget the inspirational words on the walls. You could mix it up a bit, instead of the usual live, laugh, love you could have suffer, sob, sniff.

In my area estate agents always show bungalows with a commode stool prominently placed in the middle of a room. If no commode stool available then a used litter tray or toddlers potty can create a similar air of despair.

Have you got a dewy glass of rose wine for a close up in the garden? A plastic cloudy tumbler of cherryade on a mildewy plastic table will probably do the job too
Oooh and a candle in the bathroom. Birthday candles look particularly fetching. It shows you've made an effort

You forgot the bottle of cheap cava , two plastic wine glasses and some petrol station flowers , all arranged artistically on the kitchen table. For that touch of luxury.

Ooh OP you MUST have a close up of a running tap because, you know potential buyers don't know what one looks like? Also you need a wide angle camera so every room looks MASSIVE but is actually only 3ft wide and how can you forget the useless virtual video which are just stills of the already published photos? You can tell what annoys me on Rightmove!

BTW you would enjoy @insanepeopleofrightmove

www.instagram.com/p/CZXaK8KLZiQ/?utm_medium=copy_link

@WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles

Clearly you are an amateur, we need a photo of your toilet with the lid and seat up!

(Who was it who looked at her neighbour's house listing photos and saw her own cat lying in one of the bedrooms?)

@WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles (what a username! That’ll be in my head all day now 😂) this thread made me think of that too; here’s the tweet! mobile.twitter.com/generoom/status/1376084811421454337

Show off your achingly modern radiators with artistically draped tights
American Tan for preference

@GnomeDePlume

Don't forget the inspirational words on the walls. You could mix it up a bit, instead of the usual live, laugh, love you could have suffer, sob, sniff.

In my area estate agents always show bungalows with a commode stool prominently placed in the middle of a room. If no commode stool available then a used litter tray or toddlers potty can create a similar air of despair.

And no bungalow is complete without one or preferably two of those assisted standing chairs lined up in front of a tv in an otherwise empty room. And where the spare bedroom bed is covered with a floral nylon throw that hasn’t been centered properly so that the side is all rucked up and you can see the bed legs - if your eyes can be drawn from the circa 1970 wallpaper with contrasting borders and the wonky curtains. Every picture tells a story.

atleastthreedrinks

Thankyou so much for finding the fixtures and fittings cat! I laughed so much I scared the Robin off the table in the garden where he was eating his lunch.

Every toilet seat up and a range of cleaning products on the window sill.

I remember someone linked to a grand house where the same tray with floral teapot, cups and saucers appeared in half a dozen different places.
The home owner clearly followed the photographer round, placing the tray artistically in every shot

[quote I0NA]BTW you would enjoy @insanepeopleofrightmove

www.instagram.com/p/CZXaK8KLZiQ/?utm_medium=copy_link[/quote]
Thank you. Quote from this attached. This is why mine hasn't sold. I need to add this