What would a non binary teacher be addressed as?

[GemGEmGemster]

dd’s school expects all teachers to be addressed as ‘sir’ or ‘miss’. She’s just asked me what a non binary teacher would be called. Any ideas?

I am genuinely curious as to how it helps.

What does it change.

Why does saying " I'm non binary" suddenly solve everything.

Its just words.

Many of the things that male a child feel different are down to chemical imbalances in the brain, like adhd etc

Saying wired didn't treat that. It doesn't make it go away. You won't be friendless as a struggling child then suddenly become able to make friends by uttering the words I'm non binary.

The lable is not thr important part surely?

Its the disassociation witg their lives ams their bodies that's the reak thing to work on. Probably with therapy and maybe medicine

Children are not here to validate adults identity. Its yours amd yours alone. No one else is responsible for it

This. My DC have good manners & will generally ‘toe the line’ but they are not to be used to validate adult fantasies or suchlike.

We have had one occasion where they were seriously confused (HP Studios, 6ft tall person leading an activity who was very clearly a man with large breasts and fake eyelashes. Badge said ‘she/her’. DC can read and looked at me really doubtfully. We move to another activity when DC asked ‘is that a-‘

‘Man. Yes it’s a man.’ I’m not gaslighting my own kids FFS.

The notion that complete strangers are somehow responsible for the mental health and wellbeing of others has always been the thing that stuns me the most.

Is Betsy over the road responsible fir making me take my antibiotics if I get a chest infection?

No.

Adults are responsible for themselves and if they are not capable they have a designated carer or family member.

Anyone given a healthcare plan completely reliant on people they don't know, well they should run as far away from that idea as possible.

I worry for the vulnerabilities of people so dependant on this. They are completely unprepared for someone to say nah mate I've got my own shit you aren't my problem.

@EishetChayil

Starmouse, your child sounds like me when I was young. Very much like me. I'm on the spectrum.

Thanks EishnetChayil, that's interesting. They are awaiting assessment and I'm aware there is probably a connection.

I also understand that many people will think this is not the best way to address the sense of not fitting in.

But perhaps people could also be careful how they talk about something that can potentially be a symptom of an ASD condition and remember that some non binary people are not doing it to seek attention or trample on the rights of other people, but because it's the only way have discovered to make sense of a confusing world.

Well this is what we have said all along. That proper investigation is usually needed. Non binary means nothing its like colic. Colic just means unexplained crying.

Its not a dx. Its not helpful long term its a symptom. Not an identity. The identity cannot eveb be explained you will see their are zero clarifications of any of the terms.

In fact some of the advocates for gender identity think transition cures adhd autism etc . When you apply this trans lable theraoists etc will not investigate anything else. It ends there.

The lable.is damaging . Its a dead end to anything else that is wrong because all of a sudden ut stops being help and starts being conversion therapy.

The lable.is damaging . Its a dead end to anything else that is wrong because all of a sudden ut stops being help and starts being conversion therapy.

Yes. This.

And it's very indicative of how reactionary the ideology is, that boys can be accepted as non binary by just growing their hair, while girls are encouraged to have irreversible surgery like double mastectomy and hysterectomy.

And it's very indicative of how reactionary the ideology is, that boys can be accepted as non binary by just growing their hair, while girls are encouraged to have irreversible surgery like double mastectomy and hysterectomy

And because non binary is neither male nor female , the fact that the irreversible damage is exclusive to the female sex class is completey hidden.

This allows us to continue to believe there's nothing that any of these people have in common amd it's random things happening to random.people.

When in fact we have hundreds of girls permanently damaging their healthy bodies in the male of a placebo treatment for a range of mental illnesses, amd conditions like autism, adhd and a way of dealing with trauma etc .

I just came across this really excellent article about pronouns

www.wsj.com/articles/asked-your-pronouns-dont-answer-lgbtqia-sogie-gender-identity-nonbinary-transgender-trans-rights-sexism-misogyny-feminism-11643992762?mod=opinion_lead_pos5&fbclid=IwAR3ey0_J8LOOWxdi9d4BPl0Dhh4rqNULrqsYuXkOIoLJzEU1SVZDmG1v1uM

@Whatwouldscullydo

But identifying as gender fluid doesn't change anything surely?

You are the same male or female person doing something whenever you do it.

So when you mow.the lawn In " male mode" how's it any different to mowing the lawn in " female mode"

You are still a person of your sex mowing the lawn..surely it makes zero difference . We would honestly like to know what these identities are

This is why I didn't want to get into a conversation about me. I shouldn't have to justify my form of self care to you. I can't keep fitting into what other people want.

@Rheopecticfluid

Don't want to educate people and explain why the male some days and the female other days thing then.

Absolutely your choice. Of course.

But seeing as no one wants to explain it, then they can't expect extra special validation either.

Two way street innit.

I don't. It's just polite. I'll use whatever title you're comfortable with when addressing you, too.

@Whatwouldscullydo

But you do not own my speech . If you aren't around you don't get to say what I call you. Much like if you are sitting at the screen right now I can't stop you nor do I have a say In.you calling me all the names under the sun.

True. I meant to my face, or in an email or whatever. I use a short form of my name, because my full name makes me feel like I'm being told off. So I introduce myself by the short form. I'd like to be called by it, and I call other people what they prefer to be called too.

@Rheopecticfluid

Uh, no. I go in the toilets appropriate to my sex. Sex and gender are 2 entirely different things.

Yes indeed they are. Yet some NB people want access to both spaces. They may not be seeing it like you are right?

So attack them. Don't attack me. Most trans people I know would tell you that it's not about changing sex or changing gender, as they already are that gender. And someone described what they thought NBs looked like. NBs don't have to look androgynous. They can look how they want, just like anyone else.

On Wednesdays she scrubs her loo. That's her feminine day. On Sundays she does car maintenance and puts the bins out. That's her masculine day.

I don't have a car but I do everything every day. So does my partner.

This is why I didn't want to get into a conversation about me. I shouldn't have to justify my form of self care to you. I can't keep fitting into what other people want

But we don't want anything. Who's telling you you can't do things?

@StarMouse879

My eldest child is non binary. I'm still learning what that really means to them, but I will attempt to articulate what I know. Because from what I have observed, it goes significantly deeper than not wanting to conform to male/female stereotypes. There is - and has always been - a deep sense of being out of place among people of their biological sex. Like they are wired differently and although they look the same, they feel like an alien in a strange land. Like they should speak the same language, but they don't. And then, although they gravitate to people of the opposite sex, they don't fit there either.

They express this as being non binary. I would probably see it as just being themselves in their own unique way. But having a label for this aspect of their sense of self does appear to have helped them feel about 1000% more comfortable in their skin and function better in society.

I'm not going to come back to defend what I've said here. I know people will try and unpick what I've said. But I find the way non binary people are talked about on here pretty upsetting as the parent of an amazing young person who is just trying to find their place in the world. So I'll leave it here in the hope that there will be some level on which it helps people be a bit more tolerant of a very complicated thing that isn't going to go away.

That's exactly it. I wish my parents and that generation of my family were like you. I don't understand the way people of my biological sex talk, or the opposite sex either. I can't fit in and I stopped trying when I was 25. Now I'm just me, but they won't leave me alone.

@Whatwouldscullydo

This is why I didn't want to get into a conversation about me. I shouldn't have to justify my form of self care to you. I can't keep fitting into what other people want

But we don't want anything. Who's telling you you can't do things?

As I said, I'm still being harassed by my family, and I'm 54. I'd go NC but DS2 would be distraught.

What do you mean by harassed?

What restrictions are they placing on you and why?

What way does gender identity help with this?

I mean my parents can be pretty full on with stuff. I struggle to understand much of their ideas and opinions. But labelling myself wouldn't make any difference to that or any of my problems.

I know what people want from me amd for me. I cant do it or don't know how to do it. But that qould remain the same whether I call myself something or not.

The problem is them toxic or not so nice family.. Not, not having the right lable for yourself

@GemGEmGemster

dd’s school expects all teachers to be addressed as ‘sir’ or ‘miss’. She’s just asked me what a non binary teacher would be called. Any ideas?

'Teacher'

I don't understand the way people of my biological sex talk, or the opposite sex either.

So what has sex got to do with it? There's a problem clearly, but if it's affecting your relationship with both sexes, maybe the problem isn't their sex (or yours)!

I don't understand the way people of my biological sex talk, or the opposite sex either

How do billions of women talk? How do billions of men talk? There is no one way - we are all individuals, we don’t have a hive mind. As pp have said, finding it difficult to understand all the thousands of people you’ve come across over the course of your life isn’t a sex-based issue.

@MrBlobbyLivesNextDoor

I think it's all of those things and more. So for example, on a man day I might speak in a gruff voice and fart a lot. And leave wet towels on the bed. And on a woman day I might giggle a lot, and speak in a high tinkly voice. I'd cook dinner, clean the house and I wouldn't be strong enough to lift anything very heavy. It's so difficult to plan ahead, as there's no warning, and I wouldn't know what I'm going to be capable of from one day to the next.

Ahh, I see! So specific actions or activities are exclusively 'masculine' or 'feminine' Or is it more like you think 'nah, can't be arsed to do housework today, I must be a man'. Do you have somebody else around who does that thing if you can't becasue of your gender? What happens if the magical change happens during the day? Do you have to go home and change your clothes or something - I am assuming that there have to be male and female outfits, but who knows?!

What happens if you farted while you thought you were in 'woman' mode, or lifted something heavy and accidentaly let out a 'tinkly high pitched giggle'?

It must be mentally exhausting keeping tabs on yourself the whole time to make sure you perform correctly!! What if you have to do something that you've never done before, how do you know if it is masculine or feminine and whether you can do it that day? Is there a list somewhere that you can check with?

And do you have to let everyone around you know which gender you are at any given moment? Or is it just when you change? Do you have post it on a website somewhere, or does everyone have to ask?

Jeez, the more I think about it, the more I am glad to be be a boring 'woman' with varying likes and dislikes. I don't think I have the mental energy, organisational skills or actual time to be dealing with gender fluidity!!

I’m pretty certain that @MrBlobbyLivesNextDoor was being facetious

Jeez, the more I think about it, the more I am glad to be be a boring 'woman' with varying likes and dislikes. I don't think I have the mental energy, organisational skills or actual time to be dealing with gender fluidity!!

If a gender fluid/nb person is home alone without any one to validate them are they still gender fluid/nb.

I do feel very bad fir both the posters who are experiencing these feelings first hand. The way they describe the identify as being vital in order to take care of themselves and understand the world around them.

But it still remains consistent that there's no actual explanation of what the identity is , what it involves and how it differes from anything anyone else thinks or feels or does but who doesn't have a gender identity.

The way it cines across is as if the lable changes everything.

But what is it its changing .

@SirChenjins

I’m pretty certain that *@MrBlobbyLivesNextDoor* was being facetious

Im completely certain

But honestly i think it can be very hard to tell the difference nowadays 😀