(Wrong) English etiquette guides for Europeans.

[GaiusHelenMohiam]

I was chatting to a customer yesterday at work. She’s lived in the UK for a few years but has yet to make any meaningful female friendships, works with a load of blokes who she gets on fine with but is looking for real friendship.

Anyway, one of the first things she said to me was ‘you have beautiful eyes’ which was lovely if a bit out of nowhere (and I did wonder if she was chatting me up).

A little bit later we ended up chatting at the bar and she told me about the friends thing and that she was reading a book (in her language) about English etiquette and that apparently the done thing is to find something to compliment your new acquaintance on.

I think this is great, if slightly bonkers advice, and I wish it really was an English thing to do. I always make a point of sincerely complimenting people on a particular dress, shoes, etc but it’s not routine.

I did say to her I’d probably steer clear of commenting on hair, eyes or anything physical, because it can come across a bit intense, and that it’s not particularly a very British thing to do but I think it should be.

I just love the idea that there are books floating around Europe with completely off base ways of behaving more like the locals when you move to the UK.

I’m really curious what else her book tells her but alas I didn’t get a chance to ask before closing time. If she comes back I’ll find out.

@UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme

My DH is half German and still doesn't believe me that its more polite to turn up to a social engagement at an English person's house 5 minutes late than ten minutes early...

Read it and weep ... as a Brit married to a German, living between both countries, this is still, after 20 years, a source of discussion and disagreement.

It is a hallowed custom that those attending a cricket match for the first time should assemble in front of the white screens as play commences.

Their presence will be acknowledged with waves and shouts of greeting.

@MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake - beautifully illustrated, thank you.

@FlyingSquid - oh yes, most definitely. The only way one should give another person the finger 😄

Great post, thanks!

@MissHavishamsMouldyOldCakey that is GOLD! You’ve found the photo that completely nails the look!

crustybreaddarling 22 years here 🤣😜

@LoveFall

*As a Canadian in England, the greeting "You alright?" baffled for a while until I realized it was a very common greeting.

In fact, it irritated me a bit as I thought the person greeting me thought I looked sick or unwell!*

Yes! Yes! A million times yes! I am not Canadian but when I moved to the UK whenever someone asked me that I felt a bit offended like something was wrong with me or I looked lost or confused. I tended to answer defensively until I clocked in that it was just a generic greeting given without much thought.

I have to admit it still annoys me as a greeting, though!

I respond to hi with alright. I also lead with alright... but don't tend to get a verbal response, or just get a general acknowledgement. I'm from the NE. In South Yorkshire. People know what I mean but "oreyt" seems to be held back for people the "oreyt"-er is more familiar with here. That's my experience anyway.

Also tend to hear "oreyt, ah's it goin?" More than just "oreyt" - I think it's more of an actual question here. Either that or people here actually expect to hear how it's going... not in too much detail though. Where I'm from it's literally a hello.

Reminds me of my Nan. if told someone was funny she would ask "Funny ha ha or funny peculiar?"

My grandad said exactly the same thing!

Back in the Blair years my good friend taught citizenship for people prepping for the exam? Something like that.

I recall the curriculum include explaining its alright in the uk to have a messy back garden but a messy front garden is bad.

It also included how queueing at the chip shop means standing in a line and queueing at the bar in the pub is every man for themselves!

American colleagues have mentioned how bizarre the uk obsession with queueing is. Americans will just toddle on to the next place if there's a queue and not stress about it.

@UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme

FelicityPike I think its enough to ask English people not to do that (Welsh and Scottish people generally don't obviously). Expecting anyone else to understand the difference between The UK, Britain, England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland is too big an ask unless you're sure you understand their country properly.

You're obviously not Welsh, Scottish or Irish.

[quote OogieBoogiePoinsettiaPlant]@LoveFall

*As a Canadian in England, the greeting "You alright?" baffled for a while until I realized it was a very common greeting.

In fact, it irritated me a bit as I thought the person greeting me thought I looked sick or unwell!*

Yes! Yes! A million times yes! I am not Canadian but when I moved to the UK whenever someone asked me that I felt a bit offended like something was wrong with me or I looked lost or confused. I tended to answer defensively until I clocked in that it was just a generic greeting given without much thought.

I have to admit it still annoys me as a greeting, though![/quote]
It's much like ca va in French - translates quite neatly.

The tone of 'alright' can change the meaning from 'hey there' to 'goodness do you need an ambulance'

@MrsMoastyToasty

DH gets given malt whiskey every Christmas by his senior managers because all Scotsmen drink whiskey apparently. DH is Scottish. We live in England. He hates whiskey.

But does he like whisky? (Personally I don't care if this type of drink comes from Scotland or Ireland, it all smells somewhat like rubber to me).

Justkeeppedaling why do you think non English speakers from all over the world should know the ins and outs of UK geography? Can you identify every country in the world on a map? Are you secure on the ins and outs of changing boarders in eastern Europe and the former Soviet Union and boarders and relationships between all the countries in Africa and Asia?

Its arrogant to expect people to understand all about your country unless you return the favour. Perhaps you do? Most don't though.

My mother is Welsh.

@UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme

FelicityPike I think its enough to ask English people not to do that (Welsh and Scottish people generally don't obviously). Expecting anyone else to understand the difference between The UK, Britain, England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland is too big an ask unless you're sure you understand their country properly.

Not RTFT but I'd add the Republic of Ireland to that list.

An irish colleague said that he gets asked some very strange questions by brits, including 'you don't use pounds and pence?', 'Your head of state isn't the Queen?, 'Are you from the north or south?' '

"I was a bit startled by the compliment".

Oh,Why, OP?
Such a shame that a genuine compliment should be construed as a sexual ' come on''.
Take it in the vein it was meant.
I'm sure you have lovely eyes.

Not quite the same thing, but the Fodor's travel forums often have a lot of random but well-intentioned advice about how people behave in European countries. There certainly used to be a lot of Americans on there with very specific ideas on how Europeans dressed for particular occasions/seasons!

When I lived in Europe for a while as a student, a group of British friends and I were baffled by it getting to four o’clock one afternoon and all the European students (from a range of countries!) turning to us expectantly, as apparently it is a well-known fact around the world that all English people stop for tea at 4pm sharp.

On the other hand, on one of those “learn the REAL facts about a country” web pages, it said that having a Full English when visiting England was a huge faux pas as no English person ever has one. Er, on holiday we most certainly do!

I used to teach TEFL in Italy. We got on to the word ‘fancy’ which has different meanings. I explained that one meaning meant you liked somebody in a romantic way. They asked me what you did if you fancied someone, and I explained that you usually totally ignored them
[They couldn’t get over it . They were utterly fascinated.

Oh this reminds me of one of my favourite stories….

twitter.com/b___k_____/status/1178399940780986369?s=21

I met a guy called Fernando last week (who'd never heard the Abba song, he's 21) and when he first came to the UK and introduced himself to people they'd say 'can you hear the drums?'

And he just thought it was a weird Manc expression and started saying it back to people

@MrsMoastyToasty

DH gets given malt whiskey every Christmas by his senior managers because all Scotsmen drink whiskey apparently. DH is Scottish. We live in England. He hates whiskey.

Whiskey is irish. Whisky is scottish

I recall the curriculum include explaining its alright in the uk to have a messy back garden but a messy front garden is bad.

Fnarr, fnarr!

My husband, who was from a relatively isolated Eastern European country, was very disappointed I didn't wear tea dresses, have round glasses and sip tea from china cups. He based his entire knowledge of the English off Miss Marple!

@Hellocatshome

With the tea thing it's not just foreign people that can't understand an English person not drinking tea the English are just as bad. I dont drink tea or coffee and honestly half the time I think it would just be easier to force it down than have to explain for the hundredth time I just don't like it, it isn't a personal insult that I dont want you to make me one!

I have this problem but with gravy - not that people drink mugs of gravy or anything, it's just that people can't accept that I don't like gravy and I don't want it on my food, not on mashed potatoes, Yorkshire puddings, chips, Christmas dinner. I don't like it. But the way people react you'd think I'd have told them I enjoy stabbing puppies or something.

Loving reading these wrong English etiquette things, I have none to add I'm afraid