(Wrong) English etiquette guides for Europeans.

[GaiusHelenMohiam]

I was chatting to a customer yesterday at work. She’s lived in the UK for a few years but has yet to make any meaningful female friendships, works with a load of blokes who she gets on fine with but is looking for real friendship.

Anyway, one of the first things she said to me was ‘you have beautiful eyes’ which was lovely if a bit out of nowhere (and I did wonder if she was chatting me up).

A little bit later we ended up chatting at the bar and she told me about the friends thing and that she was reading a book (in her language) about English etiquette and that apparently the done thing is to find something to compliment your new acquaintance on.

I think this is great, if slightly bonkers advice, and I wish it really was an English thing to do. I always make a point of sincerely complimenting people on a particular dress, shoes, etc but it’s not routine.

I did say to her I’d probably steer clear of commenting on hair, eyes or anything physical, because it can come across a bit intense, and that it’s not particularly a very British thing to do but I think it should be.

I just love the idea that there are books floating around Europe with completely off base ways of behaving more like the locals when you move to the UK.

I’m really curious what else her book tells her but alas I didn’t get a chance to ask before closing time. If she comes back I’ll find out.

@UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme

Feierabend is Feierabend even when its not Abend...

As a very young child, I watched a teacher who did not really speak German properly try to communicate ...

We had been rehearsing the end of term play all day and it was getting late. Teacher was trying to get the grumpy caretaker to move some props again.

He said 'und nun ist Feierabend' meaning I've been patient but this is enough, I'm going home now. She picked up on the 'Feier' and tried to show interest by asking him where the celebration was to take place.

His face was a picture.

It's whisky in Japan because they have tried to replicate as closely as possible Scotch whisky.

These are great!

I'm Finnish and have lived here a quarter of a century now. People in Finland aren't really educated of the differences between English, Welsh, Scots, Irish etc. English is often shorthand for anyone from these isles.

But in fairness, I've never met a Brit who knows which of these countries are Scandinavian and which are not - Iceland, Norway, Denmark, Sweden, Finland.

@UglyModernWindows most Brits would neither know nor care re Scandiwegia. (I used to live in Vienna and lost count of the people who asked me about the gondolas, confusing it with Venice.)

If a Brit said “Oh your earrings are great fun!” then it definitely wouldn’t be a compliment.

@Pinkflask

When I lived in Europe for a while as a student, a group of British friends and I were baffled by it getting to four o’clock one afternoon and all the European students (from a range of countries!) turning to us expectantly, as apparently it is a well-known fact around the world that all English people stop for tea at 4pm sharp.

On the other hand, on one of those “learn the REAL facts about a country” web pages, it said that having a Full English when visiting England was a huge faux pas as no English person ever has one. Er, on holiday we most certainly do!

I had argued about this with an English colleague of mine as he was always having his tea around 5. I tried to tell him he was meant to drink it at 4.

I was also taught English people have breakfast, lunch and supper. Supper - according to my husband - is a late meal at around 8 pm.

But in fairness, I've never met a Brit who knows which of these countries are Scandinavian and which are not - Iceland, Norway, Denmark, Sweden, Finland.

Wikipedia doesn't seem certain about Iceland & Finland so what hope do we have?

"Me lover" isn't Cornish! More Devon/Somerset I thought. Like "my babber" - Bristol maybe?

I've heard it in Cornwall.

My brother was a mental health nurse in Cornwall, he had to explain to a young Dr that a patient calling him, "My lover" didn't mean she was obsessed with sex.

There is a popular German TV series filmed in Cornwall, hence they get a lot of German tourists. I wonder what tales of 'England' they take back which are only Cornish or West Country.

Do they think that 'Up country' is used everywhere?

@ErrolTheDragon

But in fairness, I've never met a Brit who knows which of these countries are Scandinavian and which are not - Iceland, Norway, Denmark, Sweden, Finland.

Wikipedia doesn't seem certain about Iceland & Finland so what hope do we have?

Scandinavia is a geographical area. Sweden, Denmark and Norway.

The Nordic countries are a cultural area. All of the above plus Iceland, Finland, Greenland and the Faroes (though of course the last two are not independent countries).

Iceland is just definitely not in Scandinavia but I rarely meet a British person who doesn't think it is either. This is a great example of British ignorance while expecting foreigners to know all the details about Britain, the UK and the constituent countries.

I wonder if herbal infusions are tea because of the way they're made. Drinking coffee with the grounds still in isn't pleasant, whereas herbal drinks really need the longest infusion possible, not just water / steam touching the herbs in passing.

That's what I thought, puffin - but if a Brit isn't sure and goes to check in what's now the most obvious place, it doesn't help that the info isn't as clear as what you just wrote.

Fair enough, that's a good point.

I still wouldn't get wound up about mix ups between Britain/UK/England from foreigners and I agree with the poster who said that you can't expect the details to be universal knowledge. Everyone knows more about the countries they have lived in than other countries. I don't get wound up about everything being Scandinavia, either!

@immersivereader only Brits tut? I'm amazed by that - never thought of it and I'm a tutter myself.

It's true and what's more, I never thought I tutted until I came abroad and realised I was the only one doing it

I have heard English friends with Jamaican heritage talk about “sucking their teeth” which I imagine is similar to a tut

@Hoppinggreen, it's more than that. It's almost like spitting at someone in terms of how insulting it is

Tutting in a lot of Middle Eastern and Eastern European countries, especially combined with an eye roll and/or eyebrow twitch simply means "No".

When I was teaching in Turkey I was quite baffled at first because if I asked a student a question and the answer was wrong, everyone else would tut, which felt incredibly rude to me, but there it doesn't imply disapproval.

[quote WhoppingBigBackside]@Hoppinggreen, it's more than that. It's almost like spitting at someone in terms of how insulting it is[/quote]
Which is insulting, the tut or the sucking teeth?

That's interesting too VaginaRegina.

@Marynotsocontrary,I think it is the teeth sucking, there may be gradations but I think it is to show disapproval or irritation. Have had it done at me on a bus and it is quite unnerving if you don't know what you've done wrong.

I am British and pretty old but still feel I have never quite understood expectations around hand shaking, hugging, buying drinks in pubs etc as grew up in an unsocial family. Were other people actually told how to do these things or just learn from observation?

This is a great example of British ignorance while expecting foreigners to know all the details about Britain and the constituent countries

Really @PuffinShop? I couldn't give a fuck.

@DGRossetti

Jack Dee used to joke about telling tourists that black cab drivers love to haggle ...

Brilliant!

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

A few years ago we were listening to Radio 2 confessions. The bloke was admitting to explaining the Shipping Forecast as the Cricket Scores to a visiting American colleague. .

My tips..
Stand on the left on escalators and don't make eye contact on public transport.

11 pages and no one has picked up on this?!?!?!??

Stand on the RIGHT

@OnlyAFleshWound, isn't 'stand on the left on escalotors ' the misleading British etiquette joke? Though 'don't make eye contact@ should be do make eye contact to complete the joke. Shouldn't it? though again I never 'got ' how everyone else seems to know the rules and I didn't.

[quote tomorrowalready]@Marynotsocontrary,I think it is the teeth sucking, there may be gradations but I think it is to show disapproval or irritation. Have had it done at me on a bus and it is quite unnerving if you don't know what you've done wrong.

I am British and pretty old but still feel I have never quite understood expectations around hand shaking, hugging, buying drinks in pubs etc as grew up in an unsocial family. Were other people actually told how to do these things or just learn from observation?[/quote]
Thank you very much tomorrowalready.

I think mostly observation? But things vary a lot by social group and area even in the UK. When you start to add in cultural differences or move abroad it's all a bit of a minefield.

Oh yes, the tut to mean "no". Seems to be a Middle Eastern thing and feels incredibly rude to me. DH is from the region and more than once in the early stages of our relationship I was cross with him for tutting at me!

My Middle Eastern friend laughed at me for saying please and thank you to her (not excessively) and said there was no need to say it between friends. For her, it's the tone so "pass the salt" could be said in a polite tone or a rude tone, depending. No need for Ps and Qs.

Of course I still remind DC when we are there "what do you say?", it's just habit!

Is there an equivalent of "what's the magic word" in other countries?!

Good thread OP!