(Wrong) English etiquette guides for Europeans.

[GaiusHelenMohiam]

I was chatting to a customer yesterday at work. She’s lived in the UK for a few years but has yet to make any meaningful female friendships, works with a load of blokes who she gets on fine with but is looking for real friendship.

Anyway, one of the first things she said to me was ‘you have beautiful eyes’ which was lovely if a bit out of nowhere (and I did wonder if she was chatting me up).

A little bit later we ended up chatting at the bar and she told me about the friends thing and that she was reading a book (in her language) about English etiquette and that apparently the done thing is to find something to compliment your new acquaintance on.

I think this is great, if slightly bonkers advice, and I wish it really was an English thing to do. I always make a point of sincerely complimenting people on a particular dress, shoes, etc but it’s not routine.

I did say to her I’d probably steer clear of commenting on hair, eyes or anything physical, because it can come across a bit intense, and that it’s not particularly a very British thing to do but I think it should be.

I just love the idea that there are books floating around Europe with completely off base ways of behaving more like the locals when you move to the UK.

I’m really curious what else her book tells her but alas I didn’t get a chance to ask before closing time. If she comes back I’ll find out.

Haha, @Snoken. My experience exactly when I moved to London 20 odd years ago.

I eventually cottoned on to the fact you are just meant to say «I’m well, how are you?» and then move swiftly on 😄

I love English pleasantries though. It is such an easy script to follow, and some of the phrases are so cute.

@lostinthejungle22

I'm a foreigner, learned English in school in my home country. Whenever we practiced dialogues, which was very often, they always involved "How do you do" instead of hello, but never, not once, have I used this phrase or heard someone else use it in my almost 20 years in this country!

On that, I will say that having worked with our French office for 20 years and lived and worked there for a year, I have never had anyone ask me, “comment allez-vous?”

Nor indeed have I had need to ask, “pour aller à la poste?”

As a Canadian in England, the greeting "You alright?" baffled for a while until I realized it was a very common greeting.

In fact, it irritated me a bit as I thought the person greeting me thought I looked sick or unwell!

The other thing I quickly learned when visiting London is the the transit commuters are a different breed. Focused, fast, and frankly not very tolerant. Get the heck out of the way, stand on the right, don't talk and never make eye contact.

I love England and can't wait to get back.

@DGRossetti - please fondle my buttocks

English doctors always say rest and paracetamol apparently,

It's true, though? And "come back in a few weeks if things don't get better"

I was staying with a lovely Polish family a few years ago. The first morning I sat down to a lovely breakfast at about 8am and the hostess opened a bottle of red wine and poured me a glass. I was a bit surprised to say the least and thanked her but said it was a bit early for me!

She was quite surprised and told me she was told the English drink throughout the day and wine at breakfast was normal for us 🙄

@Snoken

I'm not British and now live in the north-west of England. Here the word "hi" seems to have been replaced by "you alright?". Apparently it doesn't mean how are you doing, you are not meant to say how you feel, you just say "you alright" back and carry on with your day. I still can't do it though, I always say how I am, and then ask them back. It puzzles people.

@Snoken It's common where I'm from in the south west to say similar but we just say "Alright?".

My mum always responds with "yes thank you. How are you?" even though we've told her over and over again the correct reply is also "alright?" 

I taught English for a while and how do you do is indeed in business English textbooks even though it went out with the ark!

I will rack my brains to try and think of anything more.

Advice for tourists –

Free zebra parking is available on most roads.

On entering a railway compartment, it is customary to shake hands with all passengers.

Do not miss the famous echo in the British Museum Reading Room.

my own favourite –
All London brothels display a blue lamp.

I am still annoyed that it's never explained that England, Wales and Scotland are genuinely distinct with cultural differences.

When I was a teenager, my German penfriend came on holiday with us. After several days she said sheepishly, 'The accent in this town is so strong that I cannot understand the words.' Realised we'd forgotten to mention that we were in Wales, and they were mostly speaking Welsh.

I have a lot of contact with Europeans and other foreigners on the diplomatic circuit. I often advise reading 'Watching the English' by Kate Fox, although they need a decent level of English language as it's quite long. It's an entertaining and social anthropological look at English behaviour. Only England though, not Scotland.

In Scotland I'd say FFS don't call whisky 'Scotch' or the people 'Scotch'. Avoid asking people their religion or football team.

@Snoken

I'm not British and now live in the north-west of England. Here the word "hi" seems to have been replaced by "you alright?". Apparently it doesn't mean how are you doing, you are not meant to say how you feel, you just say "you alright" back and carry on with your day. I still can't do it though, I always say how I am, and then ask them back. It puzzles people.

I am English from the north west and I have to say “good. Y’alright?” in response because I can’t bare to just answer the question with another question!

@Snorkmaidenn

A German friend of mine was very confused when she first moved to UK by the "How funny" exclamation, when in fact what she said wasn't funny at all. She couldn't work out why we didn't just say "how strange or peculiar".

Reminds me of my Nan. if told someone was funny she would ask "Funny ha ha or funny peculiar?"

@Hoppinggreen

I used to work as a relocation agent in The UK for a US company and I had a guide that I was supposed to hand my overseas clients as part of their settlement here. It was absolutely hilarious and I wish I could quote bits at you but I really can’t remember most of it I DO remember that apparently we have a full cooked breakfast every day and eat our evening meal very early. It’s also not acceptable to take children to restaurants and driving here is very dangerous. You also shouldn’t make excessive eye contact with British people or touch them unless invited. I loved that job (thanks Covid) and it gave me some great comedy material

Well tbh as a foreigner, I’d say this was quite a good advice.

Ok not everyone has cooked breakfast every day but the rest?
As an American, they would feel exactly like Tbf.

I recently told an American that my mother is Welsh. He said, “oh, does she speak Gaelic?”

Reminds me of my Nan. if told someone was funny she would ask "Funny ha ha or funny peculiar?"

A saying of my (very English) DM too.

@DanFmDorking

Advice for tourists –

Free zebra parking is available on most roads.

On entering a railway compartment, it is customary to shake hands with all passengers.

Do not miss the famous echo in the British Museum Reading Room.

my own favourite –
All London brothels display a blue lamp.

Isn't that Hoffnung?

@TheMarzipanDildo

I recently told an American that my mother is Welsh. He said, “oh, does she speak Gaelic?”

I think that’s fair enough. In fact, I think it points to a certain amount of knowledge. Irish Gaelic, Scottish Gaelic - why would another Celtic nation have Welsh Gaelic? I know that the languages are quite different, but I think that’s a reasonable go. I would like to match the language names to the native people in the US!

@lostinthejungle22

I'm a foreigner, learned English in school in my home country. Whenever we practiced dialogues, which was very often, they always involved "How do you do" instead of hello, but never, not once, have I used this phrase or heard someone else use it in my almost 20 years in this country!

I bet if you started a thread on MN asking about greetings lots of people would insist that 'how do you do?' was the only right and proper way to speak to someone you'd just met, as opposed to some vulgarity such as 'nice to meet you'. But I'm like you, I've never been met with a 'how do you do?'.

*wouldnt

There's also another greeting. 'The nod'.

You see an acquaintance / someone you vaguely know passing by. The Nod must be done.

Catch the person's eye
Move head upwards, raising chin & eyebrows slightly, maintaining eye contact
NO SMILING
Person returns gesture
You each carry on your way
There is NO, I repeat, NO vocalisation involved

You have safely carried out 'The Nod'

At home:

'I nodded at Brian today'
'Oh, did he look well?'
'Seemed to. What's for tea'

Discussion about your encounter completed.

Friend had guests from foreign parts. They insisted that Lacock should be pronounced La Cock. Naturally that's how we all say it now!

@iklboo, this is the expression that must be made during such an encounter.

@iklboo

There's also another greeting. 'The nod'.

You see an acquaintance / someone you vaguely know passing by. The Nod must be done.

Catch the person's eye
Move head upwards, raising chin & eyebrows slightly, maintaining eye contact
NO SMILING
Person returns gesture
You each carry on your way
There is NO, I repeat, NO vocalisation involved

You have safely carried out 'The Nod'

At home:

'I nodded at Brian today'
'Oh, did he look well?'
'Seemed to. What's for tea'

Discussion about your encounter completed.

Or the 'slight lift of finger from steering wheel'.

I hadn't even thought about this until I read Bill Bryson's comment on it and thought, 'Yes, and...?'

[quote Cocomarine]@CheshireChat I once met two German colleagues at Milan airport, for a short drive to our Italian office. We popped our stuff into the boot, drove to office, but had a 15 minute final walk. It was April, sunny, all wearing suit jackets. Day trip - back at 16:00.

We all lifted out laptop bags. I also pulled out a lightweight waterproof.

They were howling at my Britishness!

All in good fun, but they loved that I could look at a sunny sky and think, “yeah, might rain before 16:00” 😁[/quote]
This is a great story. As someone who always takes a fold-up kagoul 'just in case' I know exactly what you mean.