(Wrong) English etiquette guides for Europeans.

[GaiusHelenMohiam]

I was chatting to a customer yesterday at work. She’s lived in the UK for a few years but has yet to make any meaningful female friendships, works with a load of blokes who she gets on fine with but is looking for real friendship.

Anyway, one of the first things she said to me was ‘you have beautiful eyes’ which was lovely if a bit out of nowhere (and I did wonder if she was chatting me up).

A little bit later we ended up chatting at the bar and she told me about the friends thing and that she was reading a book (in her language) about English etiquette and that apparently the done thing is to find something to compliment your new acquaintance on.

I think this is great, if slightly bonkers advice, and I wish it really was an English thing to do. I always make a point of sincerely complimenting people on a particular dress, shoes, etc but it’s not routine.

I did say to her I’d probably steer clear of commenting on hair, eyes or anything physical, because it can come across a bit intense, and that it’s not particularly a very British thing to do but I think it should be.

I just love the idea that there are books floating around Europe with completely off base ways of behaving more like the locals when you move to the UK.

I’m really curious what else her book tells her but alas I didn’t get a chance to ask before closing time. If she comes back I’ll find out.

I work in a European team, and the thing that comes up over and over again (culture rather than etiquette) is disbelief (usually over egged, but often genuine) that I don’t drink alcohol 😕
We really are so widely seen as embarrassing drunks.

I actually disagree with you about the compliments though. I don’t know if it’s particularly British, but that’s a very common thing in my experience - “your hair looks great” / “I love that scarf” etc.

Jack Dee used to joke about telling tourists that black cab drivers love to haggle ...

I wonder if the etiquette guide had mixed up the UK with the USA as random compliments on a first meeting seems, perhaps, to be something we might associate with Americans. My husband had an American boss a few years ago who astounded his British colleagues at his first meeting by saying: “l love you all and there is nothing you can do about it.” Nobody knew where to look.

I used to work as a relocation agent in The UK for a US company and I had a guide that I was supposed to hand my overseas clients as part of their settlement here. It was absolutely hilarious and I wish I could quote bits at you but I really can’t remember most of it
I DO remember that apparently we have a full cooked breakfast every day and eat our evening meal very early. It’s also not acceptable to take children to restaurants and driving here is very dangerous. You also shouldn’t make excessive eye contact with British people or touch them unless invited.
I loved that job (thanks Covid) and it gave me some great comedy material

Some of these are adorable, I especially love the famous British 'Chip Tuesday' tradition.

I was once talking to a German tourist couple. They said they'd had a full English Breakfast at their hotel that morning and enjoyed it, but they couldn't believe English people ate like that every morning; how did we find time to cook a big meal before work?

It's hard not to say my hovercraft is full of eels ...

So I won't.

Not say it, that is.

I also remember a lovely Chinese client who I met for coffee. I stirred my drink and then licked my spoon (sorry mum), he looked a bit baffled and then proceeded to drink his coffee using a spoon. I didn’t say anything but picked mine up and started drinking - at which point he looked slightly panicked and put his spoon down and picked up his cup!

Cocomarine - or perhaps you just have really great hair, and often wear beautiful scarves!

I'm not British and now live in the north-west of England. Here the word "hi" seems to have been replaced by "you alright?". Apparently it doesn't mean how are you doing, you are not meant to say how you feel, you just say "you alright" back and carry on with your day. I still can't do it though, I always say how I am, and then ask them back. It puzzles people.

ROFL @ shipping forecast / cricket scores. Brilliant 😂

There was an advice in my english book (written by two british guys): if you want to practice your english in UK, it is best if you sit by an older person on the bus and start talking with them about weather or good old days. It also said that old people are often lonely and will be grateful to you if you start talking with them.

Years later when I went for the first time to UK, I did everything not to follow their advice.

The book also said that British people always eat meat with marmelade. It was very funny book, when I think of it.

@HouseyHouse21

Cocomarine - or perhaps you just have really great hair, and often wear beautiful scarves!

Ooooh, nice complimenting - thank you How’s the weather where you are today?

I'm a foreigner so I'll try and remember what weird things I've heard before moving over here- I am still annoyed that it's never explained that England, Wales and Scotland are genuinely distinct with cultural differences.

But of course British people talk about the weather more than other countries as the weather here is bonkers . Back in my native country, you'd look at the weather forecast/ out the window for a rough idea with it being colder in the morning and evening and no great surprises. I now like in Manchester .

live

@CheshireChat I once met two German colleagues at Milan airport, for a short drive to our Italian office. We popped our stuff into the boot, drove to office, but had a 15 minute final walk. It was April, sunny, all wearing suit jackets. Day trip - back at 16:00.

We all lifted out laptop bags. I also pulled out a lightweight waterproof.

They were howling at my Britishness!

All in good fun, but they loved that I could look at a sunny sky and think, “yeah, might rain before 16:00” 😁

My DH is half German and still doesn't believe me that its more polite to turn up to a social engagement at an English person's house 5 minutes late than ten minutes early...
I'm with your DH. I don't think either of those scenarios are better than the other

How sweet of her to be reading the book. When k worked at the hospital we had alot of post grad students from UAE. One guy kept calling the male patients sweetheart, we pointed out that sweetheart was quite a sweet term that you would maybe call your wife, not your male patients.. or any patients really. He was mortified 😂

@BringBackCoffeeCreams

I live abroad and everywhere I go people try to force feed me tea because I'm English. I hate tea and only drink coffee. They cannot accept this version of an English person.

You should move to Denmark - you'll fit right in.

@Snoken - also acceptable in the scenario is 'not bad, thanks. You?' Possible answers you'll get:

Yes thanks
Aye, not bad
Oh, you know
Getting there

Hahaha! yeah saying you ahem beautiful eyes is not very British .

I'm a foreigner, learned English in school in my home country. Whenever we practiced dialogues, which was very often, they always involved "How do you do" instead of hello, but never, not once, have I used this phrase or heard someone else use it in my almost 20 years in this country!

DH gets given malt whiskey every Christmas by his senior managers because all Scotsmen drink whiskey apparently.
DH is Scottish. We live in England. He hates whiskey.

I’m just emphasising my British-ness here but I work a lot with teams in India and we often start the day by telling each other what the temperature is, and then share our disbelief at how cold/hot it is in each other’s countries and just HOW do you cope with how hot/cold it is! I wonder if they’ve been told to do that!

A German friend of mine was very confused when she first moved to UK by the "How funny" exclamation, when in fact what she said wasn't funny at all. She couldn't work out why we didn't just say "how strange or peculiar".

Cocomarine I love that story. I still find it incredible that it can be sunny now, gets dark and horrible within 15 min and then it gets sunny right back again. I now joke that it doesn't snow properly here, it hails instead.