(Wrong) English etiquette guides for Europeans.

[GaiusHelenMohiam]

I was chatting to a customer yesterday at work. She’s lived in the UK for a few years but has yet to make any meaningful female friendships, works with a load of blokes who she gets on fine with but is looking for real friendship.

Anyway, one of the first things she said to me was ‘you have beautiful eyes’ which was lovely if a bit out of nowhere (and I did wonder if she was chatting me up).

A little bit later we ended up chatting at the bar and she told me about the friends thing and that she was reading a book (in her language) about English etiquette and that apparently the done thing is to find something to compliment your new acquaintance on.

I think this is great, if slightly bonkers advice, and I wish it really was an English thing to do. I always make a point of sincerely complimenting people on a particular dress, shoes, etc but it’s not routine.

I did say to her I’d probably steer clear of commenting on hair, eyes or anything physical, because it can come across a bit intense, and that it’s not particularly a very British thing to do but I think it should be.

I just love the idea that there are books floating around Europe with completely off base ways of behaving more like the locals when you move to the UK.

I’m really curious what else her book tells her but alas I didn’t get a chance to ask before closing time. If she comes back I’ll find out.

I did a year aboard as part of my degree, on of the guys on my course, was convinced we all sat down to Tea and Cucumber Sandwiches at 4pm every day of the week....

@BringBackCoffeeCreams

I live abroad and everywhere I go people try to force feed me tea because I'm English. I hate tea and only drink coffee. They cannot accept this version of an English person.

I was in Chicago and asked for tea. Alas! They brought me an iced monstrosity. Apparently one has to request "Breakfast tea" to get a PG tips.

@minou123

KirstenBlest

MrsMoastyToasty
DH gets given malt whiskey every Christmas by his senior managers because all Scotsmen drink whiskey apparently.
DH is Scottish. We live in England. He hates whiskey.

Whiskey is irish. Whisky is scottish

Is that right? Because that explains a lot. I love Whisky, but always got confused with the spelling.

It's a bit like Gray and Grey. Ones British and the other American, but for the life of me, I can't remember which ones which.

Gray is American. Grey is English (Well British, but that doesn't fit with the letters!)

I've only skimmed the thread so far so apologies if someone has already posted but Kate Fox - Watching the English is a great read on the hidden rules of English (specifically) behaviour

<a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.goodreads.com/book/show/288448.Watching_the_English&ved=2ahUKEwiGzbLxnsH1AhWE-aQKHT_dAAkQFnoECHQQAQ&usg=AOvVaw0PHhar_KXktN7XtFSgKVcs" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.goodreads.com/book/show/288448.Watching_the_English&ved=2ahUKEwiGzbLxnsH1AhWE-aQKHT_dAAkQFnoECHQQAQ&usg=AOvVaw0PHhar_KXktN7XtFSgKVcs

I think its enough to ask English people not to do that (Welsh and Scottish people generally don't obviously). Expecting anyone else to understand the difference between The UK, Britain, England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland is too big an ask unless you're sure you understand their country properly.

Nonsense. It really isn’t difficult.

Was in the old Betty's tearoom in York a few years back. As I was enjoying my Fat Rascal and cup of tea, I saw a Chinese man put clotted cream into his tea. I assume he thought it was the done thing. Luckily a waitress spotted him trying dissolve the tricky yellow gloop unsuccessfully and offered to get him a fresh cup.

I work with a lot of people who are not British-born and their primary complaint is British people not saying what they mean. For instance, asking a question but not asking the right or direct one,like "Should you be eating that sixth Hobnob?" instead of, "Eating to many Hobnobs will make you sick. Stop it."

I bet if you started a thread on MN asking about greetings lots of people would insist that 'how do you do?' was the only right and proper way to speak to someone you'd just met, as opposed to some vulgarity such as 'nice to meet you'. But I'm like you, I've never been met with a 'how do you do?'

My grandad used to say "'Ow do?" (he was from Yorkshire and had a fairly strong accent). But only if he was a bit suspicious of the person he was meeting. He had a sliding scale of greetings, and "'Ow do?" was definitely at the potentially thieving scoundrel end of the scale!

@QueeniesCroft yes "ow do" is definitely reserved for people who may be up to no good. My non British university friends used to be very confused when my DF used to great them with "Alright cock?" Or "Alright Cocker?"

@BoredZelda

I think its enough to ask English people not to do that (Welsh and Scottish people generally don't obviously). Expecting anyone else to understand the difference between The UK, Britain, England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland is too big an ask unless you're sure you understand their country properly.

Nonsense. It really isn’t difficult.

@BoredZelda it isn’t difficult if it’s explained to you. But why would you know it before such an explanation if you live in Namibia, Indonesia or Chile?

Would you be confident to explain the separate cultures and political status of Swiss cantons, for example?

Does DOMTOM mean anything to you, and without Google could you explain the legal and sovereign relationship of the 13 states within it?

He had a sliding scale of greetings, and "'Ow do?" was definitely at the potentially thieving scoundrel end of the scale!

Very polite of him, but I suppose no need to let your manners lapse completely until you have solid proof they're a wrong 'un!

You have used UK and England interchangeably in your OP and I always find that a bit annoying being a Scot, just my opinion.

Here the customary greeting is usually ‘Awright?’ and the reply is ‘no bad’. I was in Spain a few years ago at an apartment complex where the guests are mostly Scottish (about 98%). The young waiter was working on his English and asked me one morning ‘How are you today? Fine or no bad?’ I didn’t tell him that was mostly a Scottish way of speaking. Also if in Scotland and exiting a bus you should thank the driver, not sure what for but we do it

Loving this thread

@FelicityPike

Maybe they could try informing them not to confuse English with British.

Why would they care?

Also if in Scotland and exiting a bus you should thank the driver, not sure what for but we do it

I'm in England and always thank the driver. I say thank you to them as they have driven me somewhere, same way I would say thank you to a taxi driver or someone giving me a lift. I'm a bit puzzled how you dont know what you are thanking them for.

Also if in Scotland and exiting a bus you should thank the driver, not sure what for but we do it

In Bristol you’d say ‘Cheers Drive.’

@DGRossetti

Reminds me of my Nan. if told someone was funny she would ask "Funny ha ha or funny peculiar?"

A saying of my (very English) DM too.

God I say this.

Is it granny speak?!

She was quite surprised and told me she was told the English drink throughout the day and wine at breakfast was normal for us 🙄

Well that’s probably because they see images of brits in an airport at 6am with a pint!

My portugese friend is always aghast at how much of our social lives involve the pub 😂

@DGRossetti

Reminds me of my Nan. if told someone was funny she would ask "Funny ha ha or funny peculiar?"

A saying of my (very English) DM too.

Also a saying of my Southern (American) grandmother and me, for that matter; it's a very common expression, especially in the South, where more than 50 percent of the time, the answer is probably going to be "peculiar."

@Hellocatshome why would I say thanks for a lift? I paid them for the journey and it’s their job, that’s why I wonder what I’m thanking them for? They would be driving that route regardless, they are hardly doing it out of the kindness of their heart.

Why wouldn't you? I always thank bus drivers for bringing me to my destination, just as I thank waiting staff who bring me my food, and the Hermes guy who hands me parcels at my front door. A bit of friendly human interaction.

You say thank you because they are doing you a service, just like you thank cashiers, waiters, hairdressers, doctors, drivers that stop at zebra crossings and so on. It doesn't matter that they are getting paid as well. It's just courtesy and it doesn't cost you anything.

I do say thanks but always wonder why, the driver is going to be going that way as it’s the designated route, stopping where he does because that’s what a bus service dors.

This thread has reminded me of an incident in my classroom.
I had refilled the colouring drawer with what proved to be a very popular picture of a superhero.
When I looked

I paid them for the journey and it’s their job, that’s why I wonder what I’m thanking them for?
This is completely going of thread but what an odd way of thinking. I say thank you to lots if people who are doing their job. Checkout workers at the supermarket, DHL delivery guy, hairdresser, man in the gish and chip shop etc. All doing their job and being paid but I still say thank you.