To think 'keeping a house' is a sodding full time job?

[2022herewego]

I work part time and have two DC under three, a dog and a cat.

I find looking after the house so difficult - the cooking (I try to cook from scratch 95% of the time as don't really like the taste of oven meals), cleaning, meal planning, shopping, laundry, general DIY, decluttering (have to do this regularly or we just have no space) keeping the garden looking just about okay and life admin all really gets on top of me and I feel like I'm totally drowning in it sometimes.

I know most of us have to work, sort childcare and run a house - so does everyone else find it 'all consuming' and never-ending or am I doing something wrong? I do try some hacks like batch cooking and the TOMM method but even so, I really struggle to keep on top of it all.

How does everyone else manage?

Totally agree. No matter how much I clean, there’s always more. I spent a long time cleaning on Sunday, by Monday it was dirtier than Sunday! I might have had a long rant about the situation. But, I also have clean, helpful kids who tidy and wash their clothes, take it in turns to clean and also like a tidy house. Over the last two years they have all become so much better it os unbelievable. The older bags younger to clean as well. I am really delighted. But I also feel bad when I have free time. Shouldn’t I be rushing around helping someone? Or doing more? But in reality teens are self regulating- we talk alot, they always ask for help and I am just not used to free time after not having any for years.

Nags not bags

I'm just the same, not enough hours in the day. Recently I've lowered my standards as I've taken on a few more hours at work, by Friday it's a mess and lots of washing needing doing but I just tell myself, I can't do everything with working and having a couple of kids!

You’re not alone!! Things I really dislike:

• One bathroom between 5 means it constantly needs cleaning and I never have a shiny bath or shower screen.

*Washing sooo many loads per week, ironing what needs doing and putting it all away.

*An elderly dog that drools and shakes said drool onto my hallway walls, kitchen cupboard doors and utility room appliances. It sticks like glue and takes so much scrubbing off.

*Needing wooden blinds for privacy but the dust is ridiculous!

*Having an older house that needs DIY on top of the regular cleans.

*Having time to declutter to avoid having piles waiting for the tip that remain in our garage or on the patio.

*Horsey kids that cause my car to need cleaning constantly.

*Helping kids with their homework (4 pieces per week plus daily reading - per child) 😩

*Cooking healthy, nutritious meals so you don’t feel like a terrible parent. Finding that all the crockery and pans won’t fit in the dishwasher and either having to wash loads by hand or see it piled up in the kitchen for a second load.

I know people say we should lower our standards and believe me I do but I struggle to relax when it looks a mess or there’s pots/clothes lying around. I end up doing the housework, feeling like I’ve lost all my free time and eating crap because I’ve got to save time somewhere.

I don't manage. I have an actual full time job that I do half heartedly.
Sometimes I get turbocharged to sort it out - usually because someone is visiting.

I have a lo a demanding puppy and work part time I also struggle. Oh does help but he works long hours. I have a friend who works 60 hour weeks and they have child care, cleaner, gardener and dog walker. And they are tired. We can't do it all.

Keep the clutter down...and get a cleaner if you can afford it... SAHM or not. Don't let anybody tell you it's lazy. It will give you more time as family at weekends.

I feel for you OP - I think most of us have been there or still are…I really do think it’s having pre-school age kids as you have no time to tackle things easily. When they start school, provided you have a bit of time not at work, then you’ll accomplish things so much quicker & easier.

That said, obviously don’t wish this time away as you might feel like a headless chicken now but it won’t be forever.

Along the way I’ve tried to be all things to all people & you really can’t sustain it without going slightly potty. I imagine there are some shortcuts to ease the pressure…

The following tips have kept me sane:

-Don’t ever compare yourself to others. Most of us are also winging it!
-Don’t worry about the garden unless you find it therapeutic.
-Buy frozen chopped veg. It generally isn’t more expensive. It was life saver when I had babies who who never let me put them down.

• Use the slow cooker or oven in the week - more hands on cooking for the weekend
• Get a tumble drier or heated aired if you have space/funds. Stuff on radiators is a faff
• Do less laundry! It sound mad but unless it’s grubby then spot clean items, tell yourself it’s for the environment’s sake (ahem, while tumble drying)

-Do not iron unless it’s the occasional work shirt - wear clothing that tends to not crease!

• Keep 1 room you relax in as lovely as possible & shut the doors on the rest. This will keep you in better spirits - 1 room is hopefully manageable.
• Buy tons of cheap baskets & shove the mayhem in them - plastic toys, chargers, paperwork - suddenly mess looks chic!
• If you’re genuinely struggling then don’t be afraid to ask someone for help, be that a pro, relative or friend.
• Be kind to yourself, perfection is overrated. Jobs can wait. Prioritise the absolute essentials.

I hope some of this is helpful to you ☺️

It’s so hard. I can’t do it all. What I do:

• cook from scratch, I cook loads and bake too, I enjoy doing it
• my children have a busy after school life with lots of activities which I take them to
• help with schoolwork
• organise fun things such as book theatre tickets, cinema, exhibitions and so on
• laundry including ironing everything

I don’t

• keep the house in perfect shape. It’s clean but it’s often a mess and I hate it
• look as nice as I used to. No time for manicures and doing my hair as often as I’d like to
• work. I’d like to go back to work part time but can’t find a pathway back into what I used to do and I can’t seem to start a business or freelance
• entertain and socialise the way I used to. I’m tired all the time.

I feel like a total failure all the time and hate myself for not doing it all.

My children are older by the way. If I still had toddlers and babies things would be so much harder, but I used to have help back then. Life has changed a bit for us in the past few years so no more housekeeper or cleaner, it’s fine but it’s taken me a long time to accept that I can’t get the house back to the way it used to be and I feel sad for my children who have an overwhelmed mother and a messy house

No DC , no pets

Both work FT

Cleaner, gardener, laundry service.

Just sayin'

www.scrapbook.com/poems/doc/13271.html

With little ones, life's too short.

I work full time leave at 6:45am home at 7pm. I get how you feel I've found the only things to help is, Gousto which helps with meals, we have a cleaner every two weeks which means on my day off I don't need to clean. Me or OH do washing and tumble on our separate days off. I try not to have much stuff in the house, but I open cupboards papers fly out things are a bit messy behind the doors if that makes sense lol. It's so tough I don't get how people make it look so easy. It's a never ending cycle. Maybe look into what you can do to take some of the load?

God yes it’s overwhelming. I’m a working single mum, but it’s not like I have a heavy burden - I WFH, two messy but basically well-behaved DC, no other caring responsibilities etc. but I could literally fill full-time hours with the housework, admin, maintenance, diy, and on and on. I have jobs to do that have waited years. I don’t iron, only hoover occasionally, beds go weeks between changes, kids do some chores too. It’s still too much! Just fitting basic cooking, laundry, basic cleaning and dishes into the day is a challenge.

I don’t want a cleaner. Firstly it wouldn’t really solve anything, it’s the daily grind that takes the time, and I can’t afford an everyday housekeeper. Secondly I’m introverted and don’t want someone around that I have to deal with and talk to.

But because I know I can never get on top of it, I don’t bust a gut trying. It’s more important to squeeze in a bit of time for hobbies, relaxing, chatting to DC etc. The house is habitable, the basics tick over, not doing more than that.

Ps your ok xx

@Catkitkat

It’s so hard. I can’t do it all. What I do:

• cook from scratch, I cook loads and bake too, I enjoy doing it
• my children have a busy after school life with lots of activities which I take them to
• help with schoolwork
• organise fun things such as book theatre tickets, cinema, exhibitions and so on
• laundry including ironing everything

I don’t

• keep the house in perfect shape. It’s clean but it’s often a mess and I hate it
• look as nice as I used to. No time for manicures and doing my hair as often as I’d like to
• work. I’d like to go back to work part time but can’t find a pathway back into what I used to do and I can’t seem to start a business or freelance
• entertain and socialise the way I used to. I’m tired all the time.

I feel like a total failure all the time and hate myself for not doing it all.

I'm really sorry to see you saying you feel like a failure. But I hope you can see from the comments that you're definitely not alone. I look in the mirror and just don't recognise myself anymore, I'm so tired, run down and washed out.

There's so much pressure to keep all the plates spinning, I think social media has a lot to answer for. I do think, as women and mothers, we can do anything and everything - just not all at the same time.

Big hugs to everyone who feels like they're just scraping by, this thread has made me feel much less alone.

I have 2 DC under 6, who have sporadic contact with their Dad, and a full-time busy job.

I outsource everything possible. Cleaner, gardener, window cleaner, handyman, online shopping for food, batch cooking on the weekend.

DC have a dedicated space for toys, i just throw them all in the box box in the evening. Toys don't look very tidy, but they're out of the way.

People watch too much Mrs Hinch & think they need a perfectly presented, spotlessly cleaned home daily. It’s not real life. She doesn’t work. Instagram is her job. I’d have a spotless house if was just at home filming Insta stories as a job 🥴 I’m sure she does other stuff but she isn’t out doing a 9-5 like regular people. See also Stacey Solomon & her perfectly organised life.

These influencers might be all ‘nice nice’ & just like your ‘best friend’ but they are all now stinking rich & actually a really bad influence on peoples mental health & wellbeing.

@Bobholll

People watch too much Mrs Hinch & think they need a perfectly presented, spotlessly cleaned home daily. It’s not real life. She doesn’t work. Instagram is her job. I’d have a spotless house if was just at home filming Insta stories as a job 🥴 I’m sure she does other stuff but she isn’t out doing a 9-5 like regular people. See also Stacey Solomon & her perfectly organised life.

These influencers might be all ‘nice nice’ & just like your ‘best friend’ but they are all now stinking rich & actually a really bad influence on peoples mental health & wellbeing.

and they have people clean for them !

Totally get where you’re coming from! My place is cluttered (therefore messy), but mostly clean!
I need to declutter more but in meantime, it’s a case of doing a little bit each day, and I don’t sweat if the place doesn’t look like a show home.

It helps that my kids are older (15 & 8). I’m a single parent working FT, so I break tasks down, divvy them out between me and the kids. I also have:
-a robovac
-an electric floor scrubber thing
-a Thermomix and an Instant Pot
-cordless vacuum
-tumble drier

Batch cooking, a 4 week menu planning thing (for suppers), and blitzing stuff as I go along really helps. I’m slowly getting rid of clutter. I don’t bother with garden much over the winter. I just get it sorted very simply in the spring/summer/autumn.

@NeedToKnow101 that was a baaad joke. I hope ewe feel a bit sheepish 🐑

• OH
• Gousto
• Cut corners

DD (16) has just got home from school ( we’re in the US), heated up a bowl of soup and cut some bread for herself. Cue soup on the counter and breadcrumbs all over the floor. I don’t know how she does it, but any room she walks into gets untidy!

Also:

• plastic grass
• thermomix
• online shopping