To think 'keeping a house' is a sodding full time job?

[2022herewego]

I work part time and have two DC under three, a dog and a cat.

I find looking after the house so difficult - the cooking (I try to cook from scratch 95% of the time as don't really like the taste of oven meals), cleaning, meal planning, shopping, laundry, general DIY, decluttering (have to do this regularly or we just have no space) keeping the garden looking just about okay and life admin all really gets on top of me and I feel like I'm totally drowning in it sometimes.

I know most of us have to work, sort childcare and run a house - so does everyone else find it 'all consuming' and never-ending or am I doing something wrong? I do try some hacks like batch cooking and the TOMM method but even so, I really struggle to keep on top of it all.

How does everyone else manage?

I think the working parents who seem really on top of things and have good social lives have help from extended family. I think being a parent without extended family is really hard, I think there should be a word for it.

This is so true, thank you mogs for saying there should be a word for it! I’m coming towards being out the other side of the most difficult part, as both DC are old enough to walk themselves to school, be left at home while I pop to the shops etc. and can help with housework.

But I look back on 16 years of being a working mum to younger DC with no family support and a DP (now ex) who didn’t pull his weight, and it’s been an absolutely Herculean effort. So much work, so relentless.

Not saying I regret it or that I didn’t choose it, I did. But when friends have said they’re sending their kids to the grandparents for a week so they can have a break, or their DC stay over at the grandparents every Friday night etc, or they can just call on relatives to help when they’re ill -
I just think what a vast difference that would make (and be lovely for my DC to have those relationships, instead of the dysfunctional or irresponsible extended family they do have).

I agree ref less clutter. I tidied up a cupboard yesterday. Had a good throw out.

My LPs are warped so will throw them out too plus many magazines that are really old.

It clears the head.

@MogsBestestFurball

I think the working parents who seem really on top of things and have good social lives have help from extended family. I think being a parent without extended family is really hard, I think there should be a word for it.

Not at all in our case. We had DS in a different country to all our families. We’ve always paid for every penny of childcare. Two FT jobs. I suspect that any difference with us is that we have one child by choice, we genuinely split all chores (DH does all cooking and shopping, for instance — housework isn’t more my problem than his), we had DS later by choice, meaning we’re in senior enough positions to be very flexible with working patterns and to be able to afford good childcare, and we’ve chosen to live close to the city centre, meaning that we can walk/cycle him to school on the way to work and one of us can often pick him up too.

I think another difference is that we never expected family childcare help, as it just wasn’t on our radar living abroad. So there was never any sense that not having it was a negative.

Having said that, I’m sure our house would horrify some Mnetters.

I've always worked FT
On my days off, I don't want to spend all day doing house work or house admin !

So, no it is not a FT job

If it is for you, then you are choosing to do this !

@ColourMeExhausted

Must admit I'm in awe of anyone with pets, small DC and a job! I'd explode if I added a dog or cat to the list! Let alone 33 tarantulas (please tell us that was a typo *@SweetPetrichor* ).

Nope, not a typo 33 tarantulas and 1 snake...still easier than a cat or dog though!

I agree with doing something every time you see it. I feel like I am constantly doing something, even little stuff like picking things up or wiping finger prints off surfaces. But it dies mean everywhere stays mostly clean and tidy without it turn into a big job. But- it’s a mammoth effort all the time, and is relentless. Today I’ve had a day off and just crashed, I just can be bothered. My body is telling me to do nothing and I’m listening to it😂

@gluenotsoup

I agree with doing something every time you see it. I feel like I am constantly doing something, even little stuff like picking things up or wiping finger prints off surfaces. But it dies mean everywhere stays mostly clean and tidy without it turn into a big job. But- it’s a mammoth effort all the time, and is relentless. Today I’ve had a day off and just crashed, I just can be bothered. My body is telling me to do nothing and I’m listening to it😂

This is it isn’t it, you either do stuff constantly or it just piles up. I don’t spend hours and hours actively cleaning every week but the picking up, wiping up etc is endless. I suspect many of the people who don’t think housework takes much time are the sort of people who do this without even realising and who also have other family members who do this. My family members are all messy and I spend so much time cleaning up after them because I’m the only one who cares!

@BlingLoving I'm a bit scared if that sort of stuff as I sometimes get migraines triggered by strong smells!

I have a new electric scrubber which I'm oddly excited about so I'll give the pink stuff another go.