To think 'keeping a house' is a sodding full time job?

[2022herewego]

I work part time and have two DC under three, a dog and a cat.

I find looking after the house so difficult - the cooking (I try to cook from scratch 95% of the time as don't really like the taste of oven meals), cleaning, meal planning, shopping, laundry, general DIY, decluttering (have to do this regularly or we just have no space) keeping the garden looking just about okay and life admin all really gets on top of me and I feel like I'm totally drowning in it sometimes.

I know most of us have to work, sort childcare and run a house - so does everyone else find it 'all consuming' and never-ending or am I doing something wrong? I do try some hacks like batch cooking and the TOMM method but even so, I really struggle to keep on top of it all.

How does everyone else manage?

Yep drowning in shit, both work full time in demanding jobs, with 3 very young children (youngest is only 10 months old, so I don't really sleep either). My husband does a lot (it's pretty 50/50, if not him doing more) but we still struggle to keep a clean tidy house, do all the usual jobs/life admin, running children about, homework etc etc. Feels never ending and is exhausting!

I work four days & have a one year old.

We have a cleaner once a week, I will make the beds, give the kitchen a wipe & chuck bleach down the loos daily but that’s it.

I work from home twice a week and spend an hour a day before work or lunchtime sorting stuff - two loads of washing while folding & putting away the others (never iron), decluttering & selling stuff, prepping dinners etc.

We have a new build with a very easy to maintain garden, DH mows the lawn once a week when not winter & we weed/garden every couple of months.

Decluttering is the big one. I do one room or cupboard/drawer a month & if we don’t need it, I sell, give it away, recycle or chuck it. We’re really getting there with the stuff & everything is starting to have a place. We use a toy subscription so have limited toys to put away etc.

We have a list of jobs throughout the year to do & when to do it by. So we want the spare bedroom sorted by June, so we need to research boarding the loft to move things up there now, to get someone in by Easter, to have decorated and furniture ordered in May etc. One weekend a month is dedicated to ticking off these bigger jobs.

I meal plan & have lists of ideas, normally working two weeks ahead. Food shop arrives same time every Monday & I tend to cook double of at least one meal so we have a quick meal once a week & also sandwiches/snack once a week with a hot meal at lunch instead.

I find it pretty manageable, but I am an organiser and planner by nature & profession. Plus it helps that DH pulls his weight.

Outsource as much as poss

I once told DH it could be clean or tidy. Chose. He wanted tidy. I won with clean. He is disgustingly tidy though. MNet would have me to LTB.

It doesn't get easier until you learn the power of "fuck it, I don't give a shit".

It doesn't have to be your permanent position on things but you do need to be able to say it and mean it occasionally for sanity sake.

A cleaner. A husband that pulls his weight. And fairly low standards. Only change bedding once a fortnight. Bedrooms hardly ever get dusted or hoovered. Batch cook and freeze meals. Tesco delivery for shipping. Use a dishwasher. Do a washing every night and iron for about 10 minutes a day to keep on top of it.

Still loads to do to decorate the house: but still spend my spare time doing things with DS.

First understand that you cant do everything.
I felt good if I cooked from scratch just some of the time.
If I had a home cooked dinner, then it may be something easy for dessert. (or vice versa)
I think we have this ideal of what a mother should be, but it is just not possible, especially when working as well.

I can't get over the 33 tarantulas. Am hoping it's a typo 😅

Do not let DH cook! It takes around six dishwasher loads for everything he uses.

It was always like this though. When we started dating I banned him from my kitchen as it took days for my kitchen to recover.

We are pretty ruthless when it comes to acquiring new things and decluttering.

It can look great and spotless for visitors within an hour but generally our house has a thin level of prevailing chaos.

I am so glad I found this thread! I am a student midwife, single parent with a pre schooler. Currently in a placement block so I’m working three, 12.5 hour shifts (mostly nights) alongside writing assignments and taking exams. I had a day off today and spent I cleaning, sorting, decluttering, catching up on laundry etc. I just stopped for a minute and thought how hard my life had become over the last few years. It just never ever stops 😩

I work full time and have 2 dc at primary school. I have a dh who does a lot (all the cooking, shopping) a lot of the dishwasher, lots of the life admin. I have a cleaner for 2 hrs a week. I do all the laundry, decluttering, the cleaning that my cleaner doesn’t do, a lot of tidying. I’m trying to teach the dc to their share (or something anyway). I feel I’m not quite coping constantly.

I agree OP. I work part-time and unpredictable hours, as I'm a partly supply teacher and partly teach fixed hours, so it's impossible to predict when I'll have time to do things. At the moment I'm getting a lot of work, so some weeks are full time. I started the TOMM method this week and have already failed to get most of the tasks done!

@honeyfox wait, what?!!!! Who has 33 tarantulas?!

Agree, can’t keep on top of anything and we have a cleaner once a week. The place looks like a bomb has hit it about 5 mins after she’s left though. It’s the laundry that I find so hard to keep up with too, I’m drowning in it!
Hello fresh has been a bit of a lifesaver since having DC2. My parents bought me a few months as a gift when I had her as they predicted 2 under 2 would be no picnic. I still use it now!

I feel exactly the same! Reading through some brilliant advice.

Totally agree. Two small DC, job and a big house to keep clean. Split jobs with DH but tbh I end up doing all the cooking and cleaning. I don't work one day a week (although I'm spending that with DS) so that helps. My standards are very high so I accept I'm my own worst enemy. Mess and dirt really distresses me. We had a cleaner pre pandemic but she has retired and it's hard to find someone else.

I get through by planning and having a routine. I try and keep surfaces, toilets, kitchen clean every day and do a bigger clean once a week but not all at once...so Wednesday I will do upstairs, Thursday the bathrooms, Monday the downstairs. DH does deep cleans every so often. Laundry is shared and a daily chore. Cooking...always planning ahead and batch cook where I can. Our cuisine is not exact adventurous but I try to be as varied as I can and figure that will change as the DC get older.

Mind you, this is me working from home full time. I have no idea how I managed it when I was actually in the office! Weekends were definitely for chores, at least this way we get to enjoy them more.

TL:DR - spread it out and lower your expectations 😄

It gets easier as the kids get older and have less stuff. Once the toys reduce its much easier to keep tidy. Even now with three teenagers, I find myself actively decluttering regularly to keep things in order. Less stuff makes life easier. You can't clean clutter as Flylady likes to say.

As your kids get older introduce a weekly 'half hour hustle' where everyone reports to you and you give them jobs (I'm talking 8/9 up so you've got a while yet). All gadgets and tv off, you say 'X tidy the living room' 'DH sort the kitchen out' 'Y hoover through downstairs'etc and it's surprising how much can be put away, hoovered (get a handheld) and cleaned if it's all hands on deck.

Don't get hung up on fancy storage. One box to chuck the Lego in, none of this separate boxes for each colour nonsense, life is too short!

Lower your standards. My house is much cleaner and tidier now but when my kids were little on some days it must have looked like a bomb had gone off. Some days just surviving until bedtime is an achievement in itself.

Oh, and the key thing I noticed when I had small children was that the people who had the tidiest homes had very tidy husbands with 'normal' jobs (so we're around to help every evening and weekend) and didn't have kids toys downstairs.

Be kind to yourself, the kids grow up so, so quickly, and also you've done the hard bit in recognising that housework is never actually done, that shift in mindset helps a lot and takes the pressure off a bit as you can cut yourself some slack.

I'm probably being unreasonable for saying this but... Why did you decide to get a dog and a cat? I never understand why people with small children decide to keep animals. As if you need another creature in your life who requires you to pick up their shit... Life is hectic enough.

[quote stuntbubbles]@Popstarrrrr I like your thinking and would subscribe to your newsletter if I had time between all the drinking and outsourcing[/quote]
🤣🤣🤣

Yes!
By time dh gets in we eat, shower etc it's too late to hoover, washing machine on etc as would wake the kids, well one of them.
So except Sundays when dh is home. And tbh I just want his to have decent time with the dcs. I do all cooking, laundry, school runs. Shopping. Meal planning well everything. I have a 1 and 3 year old and a teen.
Sometimes I get stressed but others I just say to myself I'm one person! I have 2 young dcs, 2 seperate pre school/school runs which are both 3 miles in opposite directions to each other. Which takes a chunk out of morning, midday and afternoon times.

Must admit I'm in awe of anyone with pets, small DC and a job! I'd explode if I added a dog or cat to the list! Let alone 33 tarantulas (please tell us that was a typo @SweetPetrichor ).

Online shopping delivery. I started at Covid and have never stopped.

It’s just impossible isn’t it. I have two under two and the mess is all consuming. I get on top of it every night and within minutes the next morning it’s like a hurricane hit all over again. I also do try cook from scratch the vast majority of the time but this in itself is time consuming between prep eating and cleaning 😂

I’m a sahm with three at school and one at home (and a cat) and I still can’t keep on top of it. I could spend all day cleaning and tidying and there’d still be crumbs on the floor and stuff out of place by bedtime. My lot can destroy a room in under 5 minutes. Just the basics like meals and dishes and laundry and picking stuff up and cleaning up spillages seem a never ending task without adding in the actual cleaning!

1. KonMari - Marie Kondo. Sounds dramatic but it is life changing.
2. Cleaner once a fortnight.
3. Good enough is just that.