To think 'keeping a house' is a sodding full time job?

[2022herewego]

I work part time and have two DC under three, a dog and a cat.

I find looking after the house so difficult - the cooking (I try to cook from scratch 95% of the time as don't really like the taste of oven meals), cleaning, meal planning, shopping, laundry, general DIY, decluttering (have to do this regularly or we just have no space) keeping the garden looking just about okay and life admin all really gets on top of me and I feel like I'm totally drowning in it sometimes.

I know most of us have to work, sort childcare and run a house - so does everyone else find it 'all consuming' and never-ending or am I doing something wrong? I do try some hacks like batch cooking and the TOMM method but even so, I really struggle to keep on top of it all.

How does everyone else manage?

I agree and I don't even have children so can't use that as a handy excuse ...

I take literally no pleasure out of doing housework and keeping the house going but it's a necessary evil because I like the way it looks afterwards and I find walking into a cluttered messy room quite depressing. It's just never bloody ending. I'm not prepared to compromise with food because I love good food and generally love cooking so even though the shopping and meal planning and stuff is kind of a pain in the arse I see it as worth it because of the way we eat. A nice dinner is the highlight of my working day!

It's everything else. I seem to spend my whole fucking life loading and emptying the dishwasher, cleaning worktops and mopping the kitchen floor, hoovering carpets and doing laundry and bloody ironing. On and on and on it goes. You have my sympathies.

Use online food shopping if you can afford it.
Avoid ironing (apart from shirts/trousers that crease badly) and invest in a slow cooker for tasty multiple meals with minimal prep.
Also, just know it gets a bit easier as the kids get more independent.

You have to think of it this way, what actually matters? If I look back and think was my house clean and tidy 10 or 20 years ago? Well I can't remember! Because it's insignificant. I have a small list of "basics". Clean clothes and dishes, basic hygiene (like loo and kitchen counter tops etc) and pet care. Anything else gets done as and when. Because the fact is you could have a sparkling house today, but it won't stay that way. Inevitably everything needs doing again. So if some things get skipped sometimes, so what? It really doesn't matter.

YANBU. Cleaning help is your answer.

@GTAlogic

I share it with dh. He does almost all of the laundry and the food shopping and most of the cooking.

We have cheap and easy meals such as pizza, pasta and pesto, jacket spuds with cheese and beans, sausage or pie and mash with veg... the sort of thing that you can just chuck in and leave.

We don't clean every single day apart from just wiping the surfaces down and running around the house with the Hoover.

The garden is just grass and a few bushes so only needs cutting once a month.

We don't seem to have much life admin at all so it just gets done when it comes up.

Ok, I just read through this post, and it sounds quite full on - you say you aren't cleaning every day and then go on to say how actually you are.. hoovering daily, cooking pie with mash and veg (how do you chuck that in and leave it? You have to make the pie, peel and chop up the spuds, then mash them, peel and chop veg, cook them. that would take me best part of an hour).. even mowing the lawn involves getting the lawnmower out, finding the extension lead, plugging it all in, mowing, cleaning the blades afterwards, putting it away etc .. not a job you can do while looking after toddlers. Your best bet is to have a partner who pulls his weight. And hope neither of you is tired/working shifts/has a bad back. Also enough cash to outsource some of it. Otherwise just accept that unless there is someone looking after DC while you do the chores, only the basic minimum will get done.

I know some people on here like TOMM but I find it way too much. My house is a bit dirty. I'm homeschooling, I have other priorities than following a schedule. I hoover when it's clear I need to. Everyone is fed, walked, watered, washed when necessary. Dishes and laundry get done. I use one kind of spray for everything. Husband does the bathroom. He also washes dishes quicker than me because I get bored and wander off without meaning to, so he often gets that job. Erm. That's it? I think? I'm not on anyone's payroll but I kind of resent saying I don't work. I never bloody stop. Except just now because I've spent my child free day doing tip runs, and I read when I wake in the middle of the night and can't get to sleep. Spent the weekend at a Beavers camp helping out. The house can wait, and more to the point, it has to. My diet is a bit crap though right now OP, it must be said - but we get a veg box and I batch roast a lot of stuff. No scurvy yet.

YANBU
I am constantly cleaning up!

Agree OP. I have a small house (two bedrooms, no dining area etc) so it feels quite messy a lot of the time. My DC are 11 and 7 and still sharing a room so sometimes toys tend to migrate down to the livingroom. I tend to do the majority of life admin as DH is severely dyslexic and struggles with these things.

Oh god yes
I was shocked to realise the childrens toys had to be wiped and dusted / cleaned ,even the dryer /cooker /washing machine needing cleaning .
I would honestly never of got married or had kids if I’d of known how much housework 4 kids and a husband and 3 dogs would create .
I dream of running away .
We have a difficult house ,lots of small rooms and no storage no garage
So I always assumed that was the problem,the house .then I assumed it was me mind I was failing and every other mother managed except me .

I have lowered my standards and lowered them again and then toned then down just a tiny bit more. Although if I'm putting something off, I've found that it takes way more of time to avoid doing it than it does to just do it. Plus doing it makes me feel good so I do even more in turn.

Clean enough we're not going to get sick, tidy enough we can find most things with ease. That's my motto, keeps the goals simple and achievable.

I’ve stopped ironing. Wish I had stopped years ago. Nobody noticed and it’s saved loads of time.

DH & DD would be able to create a mess in an empty room so I do feel your pain!!

Simplicity is key.

I don't faff about with breakfasts - it's cheerios in the week, toast at weekends.

DD had a set of uniform for every day, it's laid out every night for the morning and when she's home from school/clubs pyjamas go on. She has a bath and hair wash on a Sunday and Wednesday, shower if she needs it the other nights.

I batch cook soup for my lunch on a Sunday, and do a Bolognese/chilli for dinner in the week (does 2 dinners easy)

I have a weekly delivery slot booked and set up 2 shopping lists, one for household stuff monthly and then my standard weekly stuff.

I don't over plan stuff to do (easier when the children are at a compliant age) so some weekends DD will play with her barbies or colour in if DH or I are doing things around the house. We might swing by the park, but we probably only have a couple of weekend things planned a month.

Bulk buy birthday cards in Jan if you send them. Write them, stick a stamp on, and write a date for posting on the back. Leave them in the car to post on the school run or something.

Say No. You don't have to do everything.

But yes....there isn't enough hours in the say sometimes.

@Gasfire You sound exactly like me! Bite my tongue. Bite my tongue. Bite my tongue..
EXPLODE!! 🙉

I am out the other side, as the kids have left home.
I still scour the threads where people talk about how to make life simpler. There are still things in there I hadnt thought of.
Plus I do think it is true about having less stuff.

fwiw, life admin has got a lot worse for most people, over the years.
and fwiw, it isnt until the kids are about 8, that the amount of stuff in a house goes down, from what I learnt.

@Teenagedream

I’ve stopped ironing. Wish I had stopped years ago. Nobody noticed and it’s saved loads of time.

I ironed 5 items last year in total. I am proud of myself!

Yes I hate it.
I’m a single parent and work FT and I struggle with keeping on top of the housework.
I rarely watch tv and I don’t have any hobbies because it keeps me so busy shd I only have a flat.

If I could get a cleaner and a cook my life would be perfect.

The only clean and tidy nest is an empty one. By then your standards have fallen and you don’t care any more.

I think the never ending bit has been covered so things useful to cut corners:
A cordless hoover. So much less faff
Getting rid of the ironing basket. I hang stuff up straight off the line and employ the hand iron technique for things that need folded. If it really needs ironing we tend to hang and then do as we go (or just never wear again!)
I've given up tidying too much for weekends. Try and get it looking half respectable Sunday night instead. I was doing it Friday but the inevitable weekend mess then made me angry and everything seem pointless. It at least lasts a bit better through the week.
Double tea also works for us. Cottage pies, pasta bakes.. things you can make and then oven cook later for next night. Also love the slow cooker.
Wipe round rest of bathroom while kids are in the bath.
Don't look at Mumsnet for 'normal' cleaning standards because some peoples idea of 'not much' is not the same as mine!

Lower your standards, you can't do everything. Do you have a partner @2022herewego? If so, they should be pulling their weight. Forget the idea of them "helping" as that suggests everything is your responsibility and it isn't.

You can live quite comfortably without being a slave to housework. Cut corners, don't iron, don't wash things so often, lower your standards, you can't do everything. Be kind to yourself.

The only wY realistically to do it all is to outsource - If you can afford it get a cleaner - best thing we ever did! Some cleaners will do ironing/change beds too.

A local handyman type to do bits in the garden, or even a local responsible teenager you can bung £10 to mow your lawn once a month - our village Facebook page regularly has 16yos offering to do odd jobs in gardens/wash cars/walk dogs.

And finally, lower your standards! Small children are messy, it’s a fact. We’ve got pen marks on the living room wall (not too noticeable but if you know they’re there you can’t help but notice them). We’ve agreed there’s no point in decorating until the kids are a bit older (youngest is 4) and the risk of it happening again is minimal!

I have a 17month old and am due another in March. We have decided to move to a new build with shared and maintained gardens, we're getting a cleaner, we'll have a dishwasher. DD will attend nursery for 3 days a week while I'm on mat leave.
My husband works shifts and we have no family close so I no way will I have an easy life but a little easier...

Yanbu.
My house is even messier now I have teens. It's not like I can tidy up when they're asleep anymore.

I just want them to go to uni in 4/6 years so I can tidy up properly again.

It's not the household that's all consuming, it's the kids! Two under 3 is a full time job, and a tiring one, with no holidays. Of course you're overwhelmed.

Good news is, with every passing year it should improve, if you're lucky enough to have NT kids.

I've got an 11 year old and a 3 year old, and the older child is no trouble at all compared to the toddler.

I have lowered my standards and lowered them again and then toned then down just a tiny bit more.

Yes, this is the way forward. When I look back at all the beautiful state of the house before I had DS, I sigh. The past seven years have taken a horrible toll!

The three-step plan is:

1. Lower your standards.
2. Hire out cleaning, gardening, everything you can.
3. Drink.

decluttering (have to do this regularly or we just have no space)
I suspect – and who can blame you because just making a cup of tea is impossible with DC underfoot – you’re not doing it right! It should be a one-fell-swoop GIANT ONE-TIME-ONLY declutter. And then just maintenance aka stop the influx: limit gifts, toys are one in one out, post gets dealt with straight away, etc.