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Original poster

To think 'keeping a house' is a sodding full time job?

283 replies

2022herewego · 18/01/2022 15:49

I work part time and have two DC under three, a dog and a cat.

I find looking after the house so difficult - the cooking (I try to cook from scratch 95% of the time as don't really like the taste of oven meals), cleaning, meal planning, shopping, laundry, general DIY, decluttering (have to do this regularly or we just have no space) keeping the garden looking just about okay and life admin all really gets on top of me and I feel like I'm totally drowning in it sometimes.

I know most of us have to work, sort childcare and run a house - so does everyone else find it 'all consuming' and never-ending or am I doing something wrong? I do try some hacks like batch cooking and the TOMM method but even so, I really struggle to keep on top of it all.

How does everyone else manage?

OP posts:
Exhausteddog · 18/01/2022 17:50

I ironed 5 items last year in total. I am proud of myself

Ironing is one of the few chores I don't mind apart from an awful pleated skirt that is part of DDs school uniform because it's about the only one where you can watch TV at the same time! (Nothing complicated though!)

Eminybob · 18/01/2022 17:51

Yeah it’s a nightmare. I’ve just gone full time for the first time since having dc and really feeling it.

Dc are 3 and 7, so there’s all the admin that comes with school and nursery, and other life admin. I do all the cooking, mainly from scratch, and I’m the only one who drives so I do all the school/ nursery runs and ferrying about. I WFH which enables the school run, but actually it would be so less stressful if I just paid for before and after school club.
DH tends to do most of the washing and cleaning so I’m fortunate in that respect, but it’s the head space that I struggle with rather than the physical stuff.
Doesn’t help that work is mega stressful and I can’t switch off, and both ds’s are under assessment for additional needs so that is causing me a lot of stress too.

Wine helps Wine

Hugasauras · 18/01/2022 17:51

Robo hoover rocks btw. Def get one if you can!

It's also worth prioritising what things are most important. For my mental health I need certain things to be at a kind of minimum level of tidiness and cleanliness, and some stuff I'm not as bothered about. Our house will never be spotless, but I do need it in a condition that makes me want to spend time in it!

WellTidy · 18/01/2022 17:53

We’ve had a weekly cleaner for nearly 20 years. I don’t know how we’d have got through otherwise.

Our current cleaner is amazing. So thorough, and she makes beds too. I strip the beds and put a wash on before she arrives. When the wash is done, she puts them in the dryer (on two halves, as the dryer could t cope with them all in one go) and then she makes the beds with the sheets that were washed the previous week.

(I do kids beds one week and our bed the next week, so sheets are changed fortnightly here.)

And she cleans. She also comes in a Friday which works brilliantly for me as everything is clean for the weekend. A friend likes having a cleaner on a Monday to clean up after the weekend.

I haven’t always cooked from scratch and it is easier not to, to be honest. But we all like what I cook, so I’m happy to. I often make double, so that we have enough for another night. Or if I’m making a sauce or a pesto or something, I will make loads and freeze. And then dinner is quicker and easier.

lottiegarbanzo · 18/01/2022 17:54

I think one person can look after two young children, or look after a house. Any more activity requires more adults to do it.

Sexnotgender · 18/01/2022 17:55

YANBU. Even with a cleaner and gardener it’s crazy.

stayathomer · 18/01/2022 17:56

I have 4 kids, 3 cats and a dh who is decent at cleaning and was snowed under before I started working again. Now we are all in a heap and I stop myself quitting daily (it's my dream job and I'd be nuts to leave). I believe those clean houses you see on tv are an urban legendGrin CakeBrewFlowers

CamomileTeabag · 18/01/2022 17:58

I have teenagers (one at university) and work 2 days a week but have a partner who works long hours and is very job-focused from Monday to Friday. I still find it a lot. I wouldn't mind another day at work but there is no way I would want to work 4 or 5 days. Who would wash, clean, launder, shop, do admin, drive the teenager around, take the cat to the vet etc etc?

LondonGrimmer · 18/01/2022 17:59

It is impossible and I feel the same as you. Never ending.

cloudyrain · 18/01/2022 18:00

OP - I am out the other side with an empty house and heading for retirement.

I survived 2 kids, a cat and a DH who was good when here but spent a lot of time working elsewhere so was not reliable. Whilst working a 45 hour week - My strategy

Lower your standards. Learn to love dust and recognise that if the floor isn't swept the world won't end

Where you can afford it get help - mine was ironing and then cleaning for a while. DIY and Gardening was DH area and if he was away it didn't get done.

Delegate and train. My DC 'helped' from a young age, learning how to put their clothes away, or get their uniform out for the next day. If you wanted a packed lunch then it was your responsibility to assemble it (I made some of the contents)

The bit that I wasn't so good at was meal planning and shopping. Although once online was a thing it got much easier. I have to admit cooking from scratch didn't happen every day.

Laundry - beds and towels changed weekly or 2-weeks if I was overwhelmed. Clothes needed to be dirty to be washed not barely worn.

Paperwork - I had a file with each month telling me what needed doing/renewing etc. With everything possible on DD. Now I use a google calendar that is shared with DH

Bobbybobbins · 18/01/2022 18:01

I don't mind cooking and washing but the tidying 😬 I have two disabled DS and work PT.

Shortcuts for me- never iron, don't change bedding that often, second hand robot hoover, cleaner an hour a week.

stayathomer · 18/01/2022 18:02

Oh and Eminybob solidarity, first time back in work in 10 years and I am falling apart

Waxonwaxoff0 · 18/01/2022 18:02

I don't find it stressful and I am a single parent, I am fairly lax with housework though and only have one child. I got fake grass in my garden, can't be arsed with gardening.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 18/01/2022 18:03

I live on my own with 2 cats and work full time and quite often the house looks like its been burgled. I have 2 rules.
Never do housework over going out for the day.
Only do a big tidy if someone is coming over.

NeedToKnow101 · 18/01/2022 18:03

@krustykittens

My house only stays regularly clean and tidy now that kids are teenagers. We also have three dogs, a car, five ponies and four pet sheep! But they help with everything and between the three of us, it all gets done. My eldest painted the stairs last summer as she wanted to have a party and didn't like that they looked scruffy! When they are little, there is a lot you just have to let go. A messy house that is clean enough not to trigger an SS visit, a garden that is just grass, clean clothes, good food and kids and pets that get plenty of time and attention is a fantastic job as far as I am concerned.
The pet sheep help with everything? Doesn't that make you feel baaaa-d?
RobertSmithsLipstick · 18/01/2022 18:04

Cleaning and tidying is all I seem to do when not at work.
It's all a struggle; I do one thing and then find 30 other things that need doing.
My cupboards are full of mess, finger marks all around the door frames, crumbs tangled up in the rug fringe.

Namechangesagain · 18/01/2022 18:05

@krustykittens I now have images of dogs, ponies and sheep with aprons on all mucking in to help tidy up now 😄

SantaClawsServiette · 18/01/2022 18:08

I don't think it's even possible to have twho ft jobs for the adults and do all the rest without in some sense contracting it out. Or, just not doing certain things.

I actually think that time wise, with two small kids and a dog, it's better to have someone who isn't working at all (or two people on PT type hours.) Not possible for many though.

One thing I would say is that in the past people had less intense childcare - kids spent a lot more time entertaining themselves outside, and they also did fewer activities. That ship has probably sailed but it does help to understand why people managed better in the past.

With laundry, the best think I ever did was drastically reduce the amount of clothing we had. I had feared it would just mean more washing, but actually it made things better. Most people only need a few day to day outfits.

SleepingStandingUp · 18/01/2022 18:08

You don't need to declutter regularly, you need to have less stuff in your house.

I assume from your op you're a sine parent - do they go to their Dads at all? Have you got someone who could come in and help you blitz the house whilst they're gone?

Notahandmaid · 18/01/2022 18:11

I don't manage. The house is a tip! We tidy up when people come round which thankfully hasn't been very often since the pandemic struck.

I used to commute an hour each way to work and wouldn't get home until nearly 7pm each night. Now I work from home. I don't know how I managed before.

Definitely not a domestic goddess here! It sounds like you have a lot on your plate and you have my sympathy.

SafferUpNorth · 18/01/2022 18:12

It's bloody relentless, isn't it... I only have one dog and one DC age 12 who's pretty tidy. But a DH who just can't be arsed to pick up his crap (and there's no way I'll do it for him), so I feel like I'm living in a perpetual tip. It's very hard to be house proud when there are piles of clothes, shoes and towels in every room. I gave up nagging ages ago.

Cooking and shopping I actually enjoy. Washing is meh and DC does his own ironing for school. DC also helps with hooveing and keeping bathrooms clean, but my standards are very low. That helps Wink

DillDanding · 18/01/2022 18:15

Do you have a partner? What are they doing?

adulthumanfemalemum · 18/01/2022 18:16

@FindingMeno

I don't manage. Just winging it really Smile
This is my motto. Aren't we all just winging it really? If anyone genuinely has it all under control AND is spending quality time with their kids and partner I've yet to meet them. Something has to give and in my house cleaning comes way below work, food and spending time with my kids. But if you have a partner who isn't doing any housework and because you "Only work part-time" then you need to look at the distribution of labour.
cherish123 · 18/01/2022 18:16

YANBU
I think if you don't work, it's quite easy but if you work it takes a lot of effort.
I work 3 days a week and spend the other 2 cleaning, shopping, organising things, keeping house in order, ironing etc. Also make sure I have time for exercise and occasional coffee out. (DC school age). Also, think it's harder with teens as there seems more to fo than with younger children.

DazzlePaintedBattlePants · 18/01/2022 18:17

Part time work is the problem. If you’re FT you’re out of the house too much for it to get messy. SAHM- once they are in childcare, it’s your job. Part time = worst of both worlds. Your job but no time and you’re at home to make it untidy.