To think 'keeping a house' is a sodding full time job?

[2022herewego]

I work part time and have two DC under three, a dog and a cat.

I find looking after the house so difficult - the cooking (I try to cook from scratch 95% of the time as don't really like the taste of oven meals), cleaning, meal planning, shopping, laundry, general DIY, decluttering (have to do this regularly or we just have no space) keeping the garden looking just about okay and life admin all really gets on top of me and I feel like I'm totally drowning in it sometimes.

I know most of us have to work, sort childcare and run a house - so does everyone else find it 'all consuming' and never-ending or am I doing something wrong? I do try some hacks like batch cooking and the TOMM method but even so, I really struggle to keep on top of it all.

How does everyone else manage?

Just reduce the amount of housework you do. It is not necessary to hoover every day. Beds don’t need to be changed weekly as once a fortnight is fine. Does the kitchen floor really have to be mopped daily?

Life is too short to spend it doing all this stuff to such an extreme.

I've felt like I've I've drowning for years. Not had respite or rest in goodness knows how long and it's it's taking its toll on my physical health and been told by my dr to reduce stress and exhaustion. 3 children (with additional needs) and a husband with 2 jobs. I've just stopped working as I can't go on. I've done varying degrees of full time and part time employed as well as self employed. Going to take a break for a few weeks and then try and establish a quieter self employed business.

There are some things that have changed my life. An instant pot. Planning the next day in advance. Also various hacks from Jordan Page, Fun Cheap or Free. The woman has 8 children and a business empire. Obviously she outsources a lot but she has the most amazing ideas. Her block schedule/productivity ideas are great and I use them daily. Also batch cook in bigger quantities.

Tbh it's a shambles that it's come to this, that so many people are burnt out.

Honestly, I just accept that I can't do it all.

I have lowered my standards - I don't sweat it if the kitchen isn't tidy before bed etc.

Declutter as much as possible. Avoid buying unnecessary tat/clutter. Cut down on toys and pressies for the kids; ask for experiences/annual passes for their birthdays, instead of toys.

Make simple and easy meals - use a slow cooker, or One-pot meals such as pasta dishes etc. If you're cooking majority from scratch, then presumably that's a lot of mental prep and tidying.

I find it so much better now my kids are older; the baby/toddler/young kids years are such hardwork - I once read that doing housework whilst parenting young kids, is like eating oreos whilst brushing your teeth....SO TRUE!!

I thought you were making a big deal of it but then re-read you have two under three!

Yes it's bloody hard when the DCs are small but it gets a bit easier as they get older,

Can you share work with your partner if you have one or pay for a cleaner, food kit etc?

My life is much easier now the DCs are 10 and 13 and DH is doing the majority of cooking and meal planning.

I wouldn't go back to the days of toddlers for anything.

Good luck!

The lowering your standards thing is key, that is the sort of luxury you can only afford if you own your home. When we rented the pressure of keeping the house was immense. It's a lot of pressure keeping someone else's house just right when you have kids and you can't just lower someone else's standards for them can you?

I majorly lowered my standards after 2 dc. I never iron anything much to my mums horror. Except shirts so they are to be avoided. I wash bedding every 3 ish weeks. I do 3 loads of washing per week. I hoover and dust once a week. Kitchen and bathroom more frequently as required.

I work from home, and sometimes have to work on site too. DD at school locally and DS at boarding school aged 11 and 14. Our house is very big and we have several dogs and other animals. We can’t afford a cleaner and as I am normally at home, albeit working, wouldn’t have one anyway. Standards inevitably drop- and to maintain them at a high standard, for example over Christmas, is exhausting. But, I choose it that way. When we have house guests, the house looks like I would love it to look all the time- no dust, table laid in dining room, cushions plumped, all beds made beautifully- but- it really does take huge amounts of effort. Most of the time we just live with a bit of mess and if it gets too much I get up earlier, or DH and children get roped in. Don’t bear yourself up.

Typo: beat

Absolutely with you OP
Work FT (as does DH) but with the constant juggle of wrap around care, school, work, DC clubs, life admin and generally running the house I have fuck all time and way too much crap I need to declutter/sort through but with no bloody time

Some of these responses are really making me laugh. I work ft, 2 DC (under 12), 2 cats. I have fairly low standards. Things that help me aren't popular on mn.

• 2 robovacs one for downstairs, one for middle floor, ignore top floor/loft
• cleaning wipes in bathrooms, 5 mins wiping of everything and chuck daily
• ruthless decluttering, I go to the tip monthly. There is a charity section there, they must love me.

-tumble dryer, all washing and drying done per human. No mixing ever. No ironing ever. Items straight out of dryer onto hangers or folded.

I'm at my happiest when all the machines are running and I can get back to work.

cooking – batch cook and freeze or learn to love fish fingers and chips
cleaning – don’t, or get a cleaner
meal planning – 21 meals, in rotation. We have a big typed list on the fridge
shopping – regular delivery slot?
laundry – wash stuff less often, embrace the environmentally unsound tumble dryer, don’t iron things, certainly don’t bother with whites and colours and delicates washes. don’t put it away, live out of the bag of clean washing
general DIY – unless it’s a live wire flailing around, do it on annual leave or don’t bother
decluttering – as above, annual leave to do it right once then constant vigilance on what comes in
keeping the garden looking just about okay – gardener to mow or embrace wild lawn
life admin – direct debit for bills, big wall calendar for kids’ stuff, embrace being disorganised, how terrible is it really if dentist visits are 9 months apart not 6? You should get sent reminders of MOT and car tax and not have to remember

DH and work FT, we share the chores so don't find it too bad. Our kids are older and keep their own spaces tidy.
I enjoy cooking but use my slow cooker for a lot of meals; casseroles/ soups/ chilli/ pasta dishes.
Life admin takes minutes, it's dealt with straight away.

Well it's a paid role for some so I'd say, depending on the number of people, size of home and expectations of how it should look, it can be a full time job.
Most people can't afford such high standards though!

Do you have a partner?

I think having a freezer the larger the better is a great help re. meals.

@TheYearOfSmallThings

I have lowered my standards and lowered them again and then toned then down just a tiny bit more.

Yes, this is the way forward. When I look back at all the beautiful state of the house before I had DS, I sigh. The past seven years have taken a horrible toll!

I can promise you, you will never look back and say "I wish I'd done more housework".

DH and I both teach full-time and have DC 9 and 11. The house only gets "kept" during the school holidays to be honest. The rest of the time is just trying to make sure everyone has enough vaguely healthy meals and clean clothes. I hate it but neither of our employers will let us drop to part time hours.

I find it overwhelming and I’m a single mum and work ft
I don’t cook from scratch every day
I don’t clean that much
Stuff stays in the laundry Airers for days and days
The kids bathroom and to some extend rooms get a bit fetid
I don’t have people over !

I found that once I dropped my standards expectations, I was a lot less stressed about it all.

Do what absolutely needs to be done.

Then pick from what should be done soon.

Anything that doesn't really matter doesn't really get done. Tidying child's bedroom for example - it doesn't affect anyone except the kid in it (unless it's a teen in which case it can turn into a biohazard if left...)

Cooking is my passion so I don't see it as a chore but something to enjoy. The garden and tidiness of the house is another matter

I work part time too but when I'm not working I'm generally looking after DD, so house stuff is totally split between me and DH, as it's not like I am lying about with nothing to do when I'm not at work, alas! We genuinely do 50/50, not every day but over the balance of time, as some days I will manage to get more down, others it will fall to him. He's better at certain jobs too, so we kind of each have our own stuff we do.

I think if you have a partner they need to be involved if they aren't already. Presumably before DC they did their share, so that should continue now – even more important that they do!

I agree, it can be relentless. And I speak as someone whose DH has really taken on a lot over the years I also have a cleaner every fortnight.

I also do almost all cooking, mostly from scratch and that is a big one. One thing I do now is often watch tv on my iPad while I'm cooking. It means that when I'm done, it's still a chore, but it's actually less of a chore and I don't feel as exhausted that I now have bath and bed time and all the rest to do.

Robovac has changed my life. Dh was in charge of vacuuming but just didn't do it. And when he did, would take 3 hours! Now we have a robot vacuum and I am the one who puts it on but I'm shocked at what a difference regularly vacuumed floors make.

We don't sort clothes - as they come off the (indoor) line, they are folded and put in buckets for each person. DH then puts away his and the DC every few days, or, if someone needs something, they rifle through their bucket. Ironing is only essentials and I have an ironing lady for that.

Your DC are too young, but DS unloads the dishwasher a few times a week and DD vacuums and cleans the stairs (they are painted and get filthy) once a week. Amazing how just those two things help.

Yes OP, alongside raising children it is a full time job. Far more hours than a full time job in fact as, if you are doing it alone, it's 7am til 7pm with night waking if there are young kids! 24 hours a day 7 a week.

Difference now is that women also have to go to work just to be able to afford a house to keep in the first place, and many men are yet to catch up and realise they can't just come home to a clean house, put there feet up and do nothing anymore because of that fact.

I feel exactly like you OP.
Wake up, get DC ready for, and to, school; start work, rarely any lunch break per se, finish work (hopefully) and DC home, then homework, dinner, bedtime routine, then make our dinner, then basic chores (sweep, dishes (no dishwasher), laundry, tidying, preparing for morning) - then bed, and it starts all over again. Weekend if mostly entertaining DC, running to DC clubs, parties etc and trying to clean the house.
But when is there actually time to look after the house properly? and life admin like finances and all that?? I've not found it in my life yet.
So I'm constantly behind in everything, house is just hygeinic but a cluttered messy disorganised shit tip. No way can we afford a cleaner unfortunately.
Then you get the grandparents guilt tripping because you dont ring them often enough and they cannot understand why you are so busy arghhhh

Is there any way you can afford a cleaner and outsource the essential ironing? I only had one child and worked part time but when I had a cleaner once a fortnight it made all the difference. Cleaning agencies are good too. The cleaning staff are so quick and professional and it's lovely to come home to a clean, sweet smelling house.