Your examples of how men just don’t *get it*

[AsYouWishButtercup]

What are your examples of how men just don’t get What life is like for women?

Mine was a dad at school drop off today who asked if I was still training for a half marathon. I said no as I’ve just had surgery but TBH it it nigh-on impossible to train in winter outside because of the dark nights and by the time I leave work it’s too dark to start a run

He said “Why don’t you just invest in a head torch” when I explained it’s not the lack of light that’s the problem, it’s the danger of being attacked, it seems the thought had NEVER occurred to him that women have to factor these things into everyday life. I’m constantly amazed that men are surprised by these things.

At the end of a night out, making sure to tell female friends to text to make sure they got home ok. Just wouldn't be something men would think necessary.

I'm so glad I was born female. I was bullied in school but the bullied boys had it so much worse. We gals get to wear much better & bigger variety of clothes. Gals can choose a bigger variety of jobs & careers without being mocked. It's easier to show our emotions in public. Girls can compete with each other in more ways than just sport.

WHAT?! Bullying is bullying. Could you explain the careers? "Kiddy fiddlers" what kind of messed up description is that!!

[quote MananaTomorrow]@ArsenicNLace also the type of violence isn’t the same.
Men arent getting attacked whilst they get on their normal business, walk or for a run.
They get attacked after getting involved in a fight, usually fuelled with alcohol.

That’s the danger of using numbers wo actually specifying WHAT the numbers are. They loose all meaning.[/quote]
While I do appreciate the differences here, I think you should show a bit more sensitivity here about male victims of violence. Like teenage boys getting killed on the streets of London often for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. To score points in gang violence, even if the victims are not gang members. The way your post suggests male victims of violence bring it on themselves is in poor taste.

Believe me, if you had sons growing up in south London you wouldn’t be thinking it’s only women who need to worry.

However, none of that detracts from male violence against women which is horrendous.

Male friend and I out walking on the moors. He was reminiscing about that fantastic feeling when you’re in the middle of nowhere walking by yourself, nobody else around and the calm etc

He was astonished when I told him I would never walk alone on the moors or any other place where I was vulnerable. He thought it was very sad that I would never experience it but clearly had a lightbulb moment as he realised that as a 6ft man he had a very different outlook on safety to me.

For those saying 'not all men, or I'm 6ft and have been attacked...' yes we get that.

We are aware that as women we have to risk assess going for walks, transport, time of day - too late?, mobile phone access-battery life/working? and everything that may help us as a man or men may attack us just because we are a woman alone.

We don't have to wear particular clothing, be a certain age, we just have to be alone to be a target as a woman.

@eastegg, why do women need to talk with more sensitivities about the struggles men have when men NEVER talk with sensitivities about the struggles women have - you know the whole point if this thread where women say that not only men don’t get it about are actually totally dismissive of it again and again?

I’m all for being sensitive etc…
But I’d like to see men being just as sensitive as they are asking women to be FIRST.

Plus, I wasn’t insensitive. I was just pointing out the violence experienced by men and women is different.

What is insensitive about that?!?

@MananaTomorrow I don't think you were being insensitive, you weren't condoning male on male violence.

Women are attacked by predatory men just for being women (prey).

I don't condone violence, but sometimes, you have to fight fire with fire.

How is that not condoning violence?

How does a raped and murdered woman fight fire with fire?

Also, what on earth has that story got to do with the thread @CheerfulCher?

Well that’s good then, next time a woman is raped maybe she can get 10 female friends to follow her about in case it happens again

@CheerfulCher are you suggesting that women gang up on men and attack them when they are been violent/sexually harassing them etc…?
If possible by being in a bigger group and choosing the time said man is alone?

Hmm… can’t see at all what sort if issues could be with that idea….

I can honestly say it's never crossed my mind to not go out at night. I love the dark and even going to get something from my car I have to walk down the dark alley behind my block of flats. I used to go out running in my local woods at 5am until I split from my ex 4 years ago. I just like the seclusion of dark. I also love riding motorbikes fast so think I may not calculate risk very well.

I'm at that age ( I don't sleep well) I would love to walk outside get some night air and cool down, never going to happen. I do sometimes sit in my car, neighbours must think I'm batty. My feller doesn't even like me doing this. He gets it, He doesn't like me using taxis, He doesn't like me walking in the dark. It's sad but to get on and do anything, as a woman we have to take risks. Its shameful that the onus is always on woman to alter their behaviour.
Maybe I'm over cautious but having dealt with a few attacks and near misses, that's just the way it is. I think my fella gets it because he has a daughter. Does that change men I wonder

@lljkk

Please don't use the disgusting term 'kiddy fiddlers'. Think about how fucking vile a term that is to use someone who sexually abused children. It's not something that needs a jokey, flippant term. Outdated and inappropriate.

@Enough4me

For those saying 'not all men, or I'm 6ft and have been attacked...' yes we get that.

We are aware that as women we have to risk assess going for walks, transport, time of day - too late?, mobile phone access-battery life/working? and everything that may help us as a man or men may attack us just because we are a woman alone.

We don't have to wear particular clothing, be a certain age, we just have to be alone to be a target as a woman.

Yes, I get that, it’s wrong and I wish it wasn’t so. But you don’t seem to realise that much of what you said is also true of men on their own. We are also targets, simply for being on our own.

@Symposium123 attacks on random women because we are smaller and more vulnerable cannot be downplayed because men attack men too!

Another case of a man not getting it.

But you don’t seem to realise that much of what you said is also true of men on their own. We are also targets, simply for being on our own.

Men don’t seem to feel that they’re targets in the same way that women do.

@Shapiro

You can choose to live in fear but most women go about their business without fear of being attacked.

Obviously some places and times you need to be cautious such as not wearing headphones in case you are mugged but making yourself anxious that men are going to leap out and rape you as soon as the sun goes down will make your life a misery.

You totally contradicted yourself here. Why do we need to be cautious if we are not worried about being attacked. The point is we shouldn't need to be cautious, it shouldn't be up to us to make sure we are safe. It should be up to men to stop attacking women.

Such targets that many men walk, run, cycle alone without a care.

They simply aren't the target for many angry predatory men!

The reality is that violence against women is unacceptable and more people should denounce it, rather that accept it because,... you know it's fine as men maybe hurt too, or some men get a bit more angry/tired/stressed (WTAF!).

@Symposium123

I cannot fathom being a man and my instinct being to be defensive on this thread as an opportunity to do the equivalent of 'all lives matter' rather than listening to and learning from women explaining their experiences and the ways in which fear of violence is different to those of man. Genuinely baffling.

To be defensive and offended, as if women are trying to gatekeep being victims of male violence and that in explaining their experiences they somehow invalidate yours, which are entirely different and not directly related to your sex in the way that male violence against women and girls is in such large swathes.

Baffling.