Devastating news and friends responses

[Yummypumpkin]

I've had some very bad news.

Texting friends I've had the following replies:

Not good but could be worse
Go to Citizen's Advice. They'll help you.
That sucks. Sorry xxx

I feel utterly let down and can't help but recall when I've been interested, forthcoming, empathetic and emotionally present for these friends.

My plan is not to contact them again.

What is going on here?

I think as a PP said, you text a lot of people this information.

Who are you actually close to? Have you maintained any close friendships while you’ve been travelling and living away?

I think it’s kind of robotic the way you’re almost collecting data on how people are responding. I don’t know anyone who isn’t up to their eyeballs with their own lives at the moment. People have their circles of responsibility- people at home, close family, close friends that are in their daily lives. Do you have anyone in your close circles who you’ve maintained close relationships with? Those would be the people to lean on.

I echo what pp said that it's the tough times when you realise who your real friends are.

My own experience was just after my father died one particular friend just asked immediately what his will was. This was literally the day after he died, but tbh anytime really is wrong as none of her business. I was so upset that my seemingly empathetic friend could be so callous. 10 years later we are no longer friends, I just left the friendship to drift away and it did. No regrets. I will add this was the first of a few hard times for me and each time my friend just disappointed and saddened me so much. I never understood it, still don't but she's not in my life anymore, life's too short.

Hi OP. Sendin unmumsnetty hugs. I found that when I had cancer some people were amazing and kept in contact and one or two others - quite surprisingly one of them being the colleague whose friend had cancer and they made a big show of 'running everyday' and stuff to show 'support'. She was very peculiar with me and really off, if not hostile at times. I think she just couldn't cope with the reality of it - me having it was a bit too close to home. Made me really re evaluate the friendship and realise she is just a work colleague and nothing more. I had more support from colleagues mothers who had had cancer diagnosis and I'd never met them!
Best of luck for treatment.

Hi @Yummypumpkin
I was thinking of you today and wondered if you have heard of Maggie's Centres? They're an amazing organisation (a charity) who provide support for cancer patients and their families. The branch near the Royal Marsden in Sutton was an amazing place, the building is really cool (all their buildings are brilliant, architectural dreams) and the staff and volunteers are fantastic. Find the one nearest your treatment centre (Sutton Maggies is in the grounds of the hospital while not feeling at all like a hospital..)
I found it very very useful, and you might too.

My friend L lost her husband (not cancer) and she told me that his long illness and death completely changed her phone book. Those she thought she could rely on broadly disappeared and she found support where she wasn't expecting it. What she said really stayed with me. It is very often true.

So tomorrow is about desperate job hunting.

I'm not sure if it is the order in which I got the news but I feel my health i can't do much about.

I feel without a job, being homeless etc this is going to be more than I can bear

Maggies Centres have advisers for precisely what you are facing, they help you get the right benefits. Do give them a go. You should be entitled to help.

Thanks @Crucible

Did you give them both pieces of information in the same message?