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Original poster

Midwife has slept with DP - WWYD?

232 replies

Dipyang · 12/01/2022 15:25

Found out on of the midwives has slept with my DP, years ago etc pre me.

It's a small team there is a high chance she could be my midwife.

Would you be ok with this?

Yay or nay

OP posts:
Hercisback · 12/01/2022 18:00

I can't believe the number of people that would give a shit about this.

Our local nurse knows everyone and is a school friends mum. She's done smears on me, sorted out c section wounds, checked for a vaginal cyst. I really don't care.

Mind you H and I are best friends with his ex.

AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 12/01/2022 18:01

Yes - regardless of whether you trust DH implicitly or not, this could niggle on the day. You probably won't be looking or feeling your best (don't hate me for saying this; just what I've experienced); you don't want them to have to chat about something and leave you feeling self-conscious and worried.

PurpleRainlnTheSky · 12/01/2022 18:06

@Dipyang

What a ridiculously misleading thread title. Hmm

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
AliceS1994 · 12/01/2022 18:06

Rationally, no it wouldn't bother me. In practice, whilst in labour with the intensity of emotions and feeling vulnerable I highly suspect this would bother me. Have a delicate word with your midwife next appointment- it's a reasonable request that she's not allocated to you when your there, but depending on staffing they may not be able to guarantee it but would help you manage your expectations to know what likely to happen!

AgathaMystery · 12/01/2022 18:12

I’ve had experience of this! I was allocated a woman on Labour ward (about a decade ago) & the HCA came out the room & said ‘the don’t want you in there’ - apparently I’d been on a date with the bloke. I’d been with my husband for 6yrs at that point so how he recalled who I was is beyond me Grin anyway, it didn’t matter one bit, someone else looked after them. It’s up to you to request not to be cared for by her - she’s won’t mind!

Momijin · 12/01/2022 18:14

It wouldn't bother me and I doubt they would remember (much). But I didn't want a male obstetrician as I wouldn't be comfortable. So whatever makes you comfortable, don't worry about what anyone else thinks.

NeverChange · 12/01/2022 18:17

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest but I don't think that's relevant. If it bothers you and will have a negative impact on you, then you have to do what makes you comfortable.

If she's professional and considerate and if staffing allows her to do so, she may even excuse herself. I work in any area of high confidentiality and when I meet people I know I always ask if they would prefer to deal with someone else instead. I estimate it's about 50/50 and I have never taken offence, it's completely understandable and respectful to give someone the choice.

Havilland · 12/01/2022 18:17

I think it’s a bit off of the husband to mention ghat he recognises a woman from a casual fling or one night stand.

If he had been in a relationship with the woman then I could understand him mentioning it.

Original poster
Dipyang · 12/01/2022 18:17

@maddiemookins16mum @PurpleRainlnTheSky yes a couple of people have said that and i realised after how it could have come across.

However it is coming across from you that you are disappointed this isn't the case which says a-lot about you!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Dipyang · 12/01/2022 18:18

@Havilland

I think it’s a bit off of the husband to mention ghat he recognises a woman from a casual fling or one night stand.

If he had been in a relationship with the woman then I could understand him mentioning it.

I think id be more annoyed if he didn't and it came out when jt was too late wouldn't you?

He was being upfront so that i could decide which to me is the right thing to do

OP posts:
stingofthebutterfly · 12/01/2022 18:19

Just ask for a different midwife. Simple.

Original poster
Dipyang · 12/01/2022 18:20

Also i agree about saying we have a social connection, there is absolutely no need to make her look bad its in the past and we all have one of those.

OP posts:
JuergenSchwarzwald · 12/01/2022 18:22

I am not sure why it matters - do midwives have much to do with husbands/partners? When I was pregnant I went to my appointments, generally saw someone from the same team, not necessarily the same person, and then saw a few people when actually in labour. You say DP so I assume you are not married so even if he had an unusual name she wouldn't make the link?

The only time a midwife came to the house was shortly after the birth. Is that actually happening during covid?

Sceptre86 · 12/01/2022 18:22

I wouldn't like it. I'm vulnerable enough as it is when I give birth, she'd add to my anxiety. So I would request someone else. There isn't a right or wrong just what's best for you. It's a special moment for you so decide based on how you feel.

TooMuchSugar22 · 12/01/2022 18:25

It's a no from me

OnlyTheTitosaurusOfTheIceberg · 12/01/2022 18:28

Im shocked at majority of the pp’s saying they wouldn’t be ok with it. God knows how anyone on here would cope living in the little rural village I grew up in. We wouldn’t be able to leave the house if me and my oh didn’t want to encounter anyone we didn’t have some sort of history with when we were younger

I’m shocked at people who don’t have enough imagination to realise there’s a big difference between bumping into a partner’s ex over the lemon curd in the corner shop and during one of the most vulnerable and emotional times of one’s life, but here we are.

pollyparrot45 · 12/01/2022 18:31

No I wouldn't. Mostly because I would try and keep up appearances e.g. not tell her about whatever strange pregnancy gross thing happened due to embarrassment and that wouldn't be the safest thing for my baby.

I would have nothing against her but probably wouldn't want her examining me down below etc

Staryflight445 · 12/01/2022 18:35

I’m surprised at the amount of ridicule here towards women who wouldn’t like this.

You’re vulnerable when giving birth, physically and emotionally.
Would I want an ex fling of my husbands clearing away my poo, blood and seeing my vagina in detail?
No.

WonderfulYou · 12/01/2022 18:35

This honestly wouldn’t bother me at all and I really surprised it would bother anyone else.

I really can’t understand why anyone would be bothered.
Maybe if there were still feelings between them but then that would bother me anyway regardless of the situation.

There is a slight chance he may feel awkward but I don’t understand why you would - it wasn’t you who had sex with her.

CambsAlways · 12/01/2022 18:41

Wouldn’t bother me in the least, it was before you was with him, so nope it wouldn’t be an issue, and I wouldn’t make it one

WonderfulYou · 12/01/2022 18:41

experienced); you don't want them to have to chat about something and leave you feeling self-conscious and worried.

They had sex once a long time ago - what’s going to happen they’re going to go and have a quickie whilst OP is in labour?

I don’t understand why you would feel awkward having her around but not a different women that your DP could easily fancy.
If he’s going to cheat, he’s going to cheat. It’s irrelevant whether they’ve had sex previously or not.

Why not just have a different birthing partner if you don’t trust him with the midwives?

Luredbyapomegranate · 12/01/2022 18:43

JAYSUS NO. I am very chilled but NO. It’s like a scene from a Marian Keyes novel.

You do not want to be giving birth with your DP’s ex in the room, you will be vulnerable, on display, and she will be clearing up the baby gunk, blood, poo and sweat you produce. You will not feel hot. You will not want him catching her eye.

iolaus · 12/01/2022 18:45

As a midwife we do sometimes have people request someone not be their midwife because of history such as knew them in school etc - noone will be offended or think it's weird

In all honesty if that midwife recognises your name she will probably automatically try and avoid caring for you

Luredbyapomegranate · 12/01/2022 18:45

@WonderfulYou

experienced); you don't want them to have to chat about something and leave you feeling self-conscious and worried.

They had sex once a long time ago - what’s going to happen they’re going to go and have a quickie whilst OP is in labour?

I don’t understand why you would feel awkward having her around but not a different women that your DP could easily fancy.
If he’s going to cheat, he’s going to cheat. It’s irrelevant whether they’ve had sex previously or not.

Why not just have a different birthing partner if you don’t trust him with the midwives?

This is not about him cheating. Don’t be obtuse 🙄
Georgeskitchen · 12/01/2022 18:48

Once your labour gets under way I doubt you will even care if your midwife has 2 heads, as long as she/he is competent in delivering babies 😉