Excruciating situation that I had DEFINITELY NOT thought through. What am I going to do?!

[Diditopknot]

Absolutely delighted to have landed myself a dream job that is just amazing and life changing.
Before I tell you my issue I need to tell you that I suffer from a degree of social anxiety.

I never EVER go to works do’s, party’s, weddings, leaving do’s birthday parties, pubs…ever. I don’t drink alcohol, I don’t own any “going out clothing”.
I’m considerably overweight, old and very introvert.

I have been invited by my new employer to a “company meeting “ which takes place in a hotel over 2 days. Very keen to attend, can’t wait to get started with this amazing opportunity.

The info about the “meeting “ arrived, all good until I get to the bottom… You are invited to dinner at said hotel, meet at 7pm for cocktails, Meal at 8pm, dress code ….1920’s Gatsby “
The whole thing, hotel & train tickets all paid for by the company.

What the fuck am I going to do?
It is so far removed from what I feel comfortable with,
There’s no way I would ever agree to going to something like this!!!!

A quick google - there are 1920 accessory sets online. Plain black, cotton, comfortable dress or top-and-trousers and something like this or a feather boa over the top? www.amazon.co.uk/EORUBE-Sequin-Beaded-Evening-Flapper/dp/B0924RKT62/ref=sr_1_15?keywords=1920s+Plus+Size+Flapper+Costume&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1641492940&sr=8-15

then, grit your teeth, slap on a rictus grin and use the night to figure out who also thinks forced fun is hideous team building. Then, rise in the ranks and ban it all.

Congrats on the job. Very well done.

Hi Op I couldn’t read and run! Congrats on the job.

For this I think you need to look at it as work, a few hours which you need to get through. What are you most worried about? If it’s clothes which you mention not having, I’m sure people on here can help find ideas - for me I’d get a long dress and stick a fake fur coat thing over the top. Can we help you with specific concerns or ideas?

Oh God, no advice, this would be my idea of a nightmare 😑

And congratulations 🥳

Oh @Diditopknot I feel your pain as I too suffer from social anxiety and hate anything like this.

However, remember you were the outstanding candidate to land this job so you are capable of far more than you give yourself credit for.

I know you mention you are overweight. Well, let me tell you that probably quite a few of the ladies attending will be so too. As for the fancy dress, a plain cocktail type dress and a circular headband with an added feather will do just fine. You could add a feather boa if you feel this may offer added confidence and these can be bought very cheaply.

I know it will be tough but I bet it turns out to be far easier than you anticipated. Just keep reminding yourself that you were the outstanding candidate and flipping well done! 👏👏👏

Can you fake a migraine at the end of day one, requiring you to retire to your room and 'sadly' miss the evening??

It's a bit much expecting people to get special themed outfits.

Congratulations! Black trousers and tucked in white shirt with braces. Simple and won't draw attention!

Get a couple of counselling sessions which will helpfully enable you to go and come out the other side

Oh nightmare! But, I think you need to grit your teeth and get on with it, it's just one night and you can sit in a corner if need be once you've had a chat with your boss. You can also slip away early - it doesn't have to be a late raucous night.

Don't buy cheap fancy dress, you'll feel awful in it. See if you can get a knee length cocktail dress and then get a beaded headband or something? That's 1920s enough!

What sort of body shape/dress size are you and what's your budget? There are lots of helpful people on here you can help you find something. Good luck!

My idea of hell but hopefully it won’t be as bad as feared.

www.amazon.co.uk/Sonnena-Gatsby-Flapper-Dress-Vintage/dp/B07MDS572L/ref=asc_df_B07MDS572L/?hvlocphy=9045255&linkCode=df0&hvptwo&psc=1&hvnetw=g&hvadid=356471385965&hvpone&hvlocint&hvpos&hvdev=t&hvdvcmdl&hvqmt&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&hvtargid=pla-772508177503&hvrand=16345403823139263542

Just go in whatever you feel comfortable in. No one will mind/care. They just want a fun evening. You can eat and then slip away.

Push yourself OP. It will do you no end of good to know you can manage something like this. It's really no big deal and you'll feel so good about yourself once you've done it. (I often have to do these sorts of events -ugh)

Great idea Vivarium. Maybe with black gloves and a 1920s headband too?

You have my sympathies OP.

Read ' Feel the fear and do it anyway '.
I really feel for you as I am very similar even though I am very friendly and outgoing.
This advice got me through a big social event.
When you feel the terrible anticipatory anxiety keep telling your body that the feelings are excitement.
Secondly, visualise coming back to the safety of your room feeling incredibly proud of yourself. Visualise this often before the event.
It really worked for me.
I'm still so happy I went months later!
Congratulations on your amazing achievements.

See if you can get a knee length cocktail dress and then get a beaded headband or something?

I'd say any knee-length dress and a headband would be fine - just a token gesture.

My idea of hell too but I think you need to go. I have someone in my team who makes excuses for all of these things and it’s really frustrating.

Plenty of people will also hate that there's a theme, so you won't be alone in the dread. Totally agree about wearing any outfit you feel comfortable in and dressing up with accessories. It just needs to be a nod to the theme, I doubt everyone will be in full 1920s regalia (although some enthusiastic fancy dressers may).

In terms of alcohol you could look up the hotels cocktail menu in advance and see if they have any mocktails - then if not you have time to call in advance talk to them about what you could order on the night so that you're prepared (a virgin mojito is always a reliable choice).

Ha, this is the definition of a first world problem. Your job opportunity sounds amazing, well done! I know where you're coming from, I'd hate it too but wow, it's a far cry from the public sector!

I don’t have social anxiety but that would get me anxious !!
I bet most people there are feeling somewhat uncomfortable!!!

Don't think of this as a social occasion. It's work. You don't have to enjoy yourself and you don't have to drink alcohol, but getting to know the personalities of your future colleagues is an intrinsic part of your new job. If you were to unfortunately get a positive LFT test a few days before this event you would unfortunately not be able to go but the interaction with colleagues will still have to happen sooner or later.

Thank you thank you THANKYOU each and every one of you for not calling me an ungrateful twat and telling to grow up!!

Even the thought of wearing a dress, feathers and all that shite makes my skin crawl and makes me feel sick.

But if I do look at it (like a very wise pp said up thread) as just part of the job for a couple of hours I will do my best to crawl through it. With gritted teeth, forced smile I shall persevere.

Then I shall raise through the ranks, ban all of these shinanegans and sit on a throne wearing a tiara in my fancy office.

I like Adodo’s too. Sleeveless and short would not be a good look on me, but I think that could work - I’m
overweight too.

Not sure black trousers and a tucked in white shirt is a good look unless you are super slim which you've said you aren't, recon black dress and head piece sound good!

Just plan to stay for the minimum amount of time, eg dinner plus 1 drink, does that make it feel more bearable?

That's the spirit! 👊🏼